Casual Guild Forums
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Bag on July 22, 2008, 12:43:14 PM
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Me: Bradley the food I just ate didn't actually digest until this log just made its way out of me. I think my colon was totally full
Me: It's like the food made its way down my intestine but the colon club is the hottest one in town and it was at capacity.
Brad: Grease the bouncer with a fifty and some metamucil
Me: Ain't no grease coming anywhere near my bouncer
Me: Oh damn brad that log was pretty grand. Poured smoothly and unbroken out of my cornhole Perfect in form and consistency. O! Were all shits like that.
Me: Brad please be advised that cajun chicken sandwiches lead quickly to cajun style anal destruction.
Me: I'm spraying all over like someone put their finger over a faucet.
Me: Damn I finished, wiped, went to leave then promptly sat back down and squirted out a whole different kind of mess.
Me: Oh man brad this deuce is so large I think it was putting pressure nn my vocal chords.
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more to come!
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you guys are really in for a treat, its like poetry every day
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it used to keep me up at night wondering what bag texted stent while he was on the toilet
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earlier today:
me: Damn brad, how does poop get so sharp? I don't remember eating any ginsu knives. This poop looks like a damn coral reef.
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right before that:
BLAT BLAT BLAT I'm block rockin this commode
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here's an oldie but goodie:
So I'm sitting here pooing at work and I rock a courtesy flush as it's a really foul pile. Next think I know, water jumps up all over my cock. True story.
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probably my all time fav:
Oh man my ass just erupted like mount saint helens. The world hasn't known such catastrophe since pompeii. It's like poompeii.
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Read this on a forum and thought of this thread:
about 5 minutes ago i sit down to take my daily shit, i pull down my pants and underwear, spread my asscheeks apart, and sit down on the toilet.
the shit is going along swimmingly until suddenly i feel something on the tip / shaft of my dick. i figure its just my imagination, i mean afterall what the fuck could possibly be touching my dick right now?
but then i start to feel it more and more intensly, until i reach the points where i realize that their is definately SOMETHING on my dick.
due to this realization, the shit starts POURING out of my asshole (it was diarhea, im lactose intolerant and had pizza last night before i went to bed). i spread my legs, and i see my biggest phobia.
(http://www.shinyoctopus.com/running/spider-008.jpg)
GRABBING ON TO MY FUCKING COCK
i jump up, shit still oozing out of my butthole, and start screaming and smashing myself in the nuts. this scuffle continues for maybe 10-20 seconds more until this ma fucker jumps off my dick into the bath tub (where the picture of the spider was taken).
so i inspect my member and think to myself, "that was horribly traumatizing, but i didnt get bitten and atleast im never going to have a more terrifying encounter with a spider again in my life"
thats when i realzed that worst part of all.
during the skirmish with spidey (thats what i have decided to name him) i must have fallen over something, or simply just kept pooping because their is shit EVERYWHERE.
theirs a trail on the wall, some piles on the floor, and the stench is fucking unbearable. to make it worse my parents have company over and the whole family is wondering where the horrific smell of shit is coming from
oh jesus im mortified
cliffs: go fuck yourself, im terrified of spiders and one just grabbed on to my dick, READ MY STORY
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from today:
So there we were, losing to rogue rogue. I'm all, 'Gasmask, dude' and he's all 'don't dude me, bro.' I'm lolling while pooping remembering that exchange.
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Hey douchenozzle you still at work or what, we need to do some 2s
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I work 11:30-8 eastern. I can do a few games before raids if I race home. be on at like 5:20 server.
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Word, I'm kicking around right now waiting for some cunt on horde to log on to make me gloves, holler in vent when you're on.
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Ever have one of those deuces where you feel fart-propelled on your way to the can? Like you're skywriting with noxious gas.
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"Oh my gooses brad this deuce is so loud I am actually embarrassed. Sounds like the fourth of July in here."
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"that was a desperate race against time to get onto this bowl. Brown guests were knocking hard on my door and they're not known for their patience"
"so much poop came out of my so fast that my ass actually started bleeding. The thing is, they weren't sharp poops. I think it was friction burns."
"I feel like ed norton in american history x"
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Funny thing is, I can easily imagine you yelling that sort of stuff through a bathroom door when you guys are doing your road trip.
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"just piles upon piles of rectal magma spewing forth from the depths. Natives must not have sacrificed enough virgins to appease this wrath."
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I could see them pooping side by side, holding hands under the stall. Kind of like Thelma and Louise going over the cliff in the convertible.