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In case you are living under a virtual rock and missed it, Casual has undergone a healthy dose of drama. It is time for me to part ways with the guild and this will be my final news update. Since it has been so long since I wrote an update, this will no doubt be long and full of some old screenshots.  Goodbye Casual. ------------------------------Many moons ago, I embarked on a very secret line of quests designed to better learn the ways of the Crab. Due to spies, ruffians and other scum, word of my adventures escaped and a demand for information poured forth. To placate the masses, I will betray the Crab Technician's trust and share my adventures risking the crustaceous wrath. For those wondering what other type of mail graced my inbox, here is a small sampling. ------------------------------Before the Burning Crusade Just me or does that sound like a euphemism for genital discomfort? Long before the release, thousands of people were in beta eagerly testing new content and rarely reporting bugs or ideas. As with any beta program it is second nature to want to leak information about the upcoming content to your guild or the public, as some form of knowledge based e-peen. To fit in and keep with that spirit, I too am leaking elite info from beta! Two months after public release, sorry. TBC will offer new challenges and excitement in tradeskills; Extreme Mining for example.  The hotness of blood elves and their importance in the online world of cybering and mating rituals.. leaked;  Prime example of a critical in-game bug not being fixed even after open beta: adding this NPC and not making them friendly?!  Anyway, Beta wasn't teribly exciting. The fact that bug reporting was disabled for almost two weeks was a bad sign. Add to that the amount of time required to level up to test any real content, and Blizzard had effectively shot themselves in the foot. Some day, a MMORPG company will realize the value of recruiting an entire active guild into Beta to test high end content. At least the NPC AI got better, giving custom messages to players, swear!  Back on the real server, the varied opinions of the guild were always evident.   At some point, The Burning Crusade was released to the public and geeks all over the land flocked to the local stores. This was a joyous occasion for some, while others ran into awkward social situations.      So TBC is released, it's been live for at least a few weeks, and the annoying bugs are still there. Report them as you may, they aren't important to warrant enough resources to fix. This includes quests you couldn't complete, mobs that spawn under the ground, places that don't auto-rez you near the edge of the world, the shitty layout of Shattrah, mobs that weren't itemized, crashing when zoning and half a dozen other annoyances. I'm still not sure what is more sad, that list of problems or the fact that it was the smoothest beta roll-out i've ever seen. 
 (click to enlarge e-peen) Dragging a pack of mobs from Blade's Edge to Area52 in Netherstorm is a blast! It certainly qualified as earning the discovery.  Unfortunately, beta missed a few other bugs.  ------------------------------ Girls & WoW  Girls playing WoW is still a myth.  Statistics disagree Ashk!  If girls did play WoW, you know they would be damaged goods. ------------------------------Now, a tribute to other departures. Love him or hate him, Cephid is an ever present force in our lives. More so if you are in a correctional institute.     ------------------------------ My departure follows shortly after the token black member decided to leave in search of blacker pastures. You know what they say in the ghetto, the grass is always blacker..  I was either talking about Zizzle man-meat or a Skor bar, I can't remember which.  Dialing 9-1-1 was a viable answer too.  Ok, so he sometimes grouped after partaking in libations.  Yes yes, thanks for the all the fish and purple! ------------------------------On with the show..  Still not sure why a Kiwi (that would be Reiss) would get so butt-hurt over Aussie jokes..  You haven't lived until you've seen a tranny fight where Binks was one of the two going at it.  No Hank, she tastes 'absolutely delightful' according to Craigslist!  Next we'll be hearing Vess offering guides on heterosexuality and free thinking!  We feel sorry for the unlucky bastards on rendition flights. Kaynen as the stewardess just doesn't sound like a soft landing.  Skynet infected with a virus.  By 'tear' he meant 'penis'. For those who haven't heard, Kapella fancies himself some kind of chef. Mid raid the mages got to hear countless stories of wonderful meals cooked to perfection.     Five months later, mages still wonder if this is an elaborate ruse to get Payco in bed.   Stephen Hawking is currently investigating.  Mods of the future, they respond to deviant sexual requests.  Hey asshole, battle chickens aren't unique! Two of those and my melee means the death of one is about 33% of my DPS.  Somewhere, two billion people are offended.  Rabies.  Binks said 'tears', not 'vasoline'.  Fifteen years later, some typos are still humorous.  By TBC standards, this is a 2.7 inch e-peen.  As with most new content, Casual lead the way. In EQ, there were 600,000 subscribers during the hey days for Sony. This was almost five years ago when the Internets weren't quite as poluted, meaning the game was mostly filled with relatively intelligent people, or at least not the "O I C U 8 1 2 LOL" types.  And if "hypocritical" is a dialogue, that would be 18!   Dee dee dee.  Remember kids, it's only ok to go A2M in the heat of the moment.  (click to enlarge e-peen) I'm already in battle. Is Turnip scolding me for my rat pillaging?!  For some reason, we can't seem to recruit anything else. 
 Oh the fun you have when the battlegrounds crash. Darwin's laws of WoW state that once you crash out of said battleground, you must instantly cast your most graphic intensive spell available.  Fuck the Horde. Fuck them for getting quests that involve brown marmots.  Drama log and marmot talk! Unfortunately for Casual, Duma has departed too. While he may have been a complete dick at times, he was one of the most giving members of the guild and a master of his class.  Least he didn't drop a 30 second ice trap on you. If he did, could only imagine the cries of class balance..  If you sucker punch them just right, they conveniently forget which door it happened at, which greatly assists when it comes to the subsequent police inquiry.  What would you do if a GM forgot to unflag your account after using it? Great sense of humor, of course followed by the typical "ZOMG REPORTED" crap.  Thinking back, I can't remember who he was talking about, so many fit. Anyway, great way to login to the game!  Trilly hasn't figured out that they also let him clean the restrooms for a reason.  Hint: If Moonflash calls you a dick, you probably deserve a needle in the arm.  250 gold breaks the will power too.   Disagree? Message Hav[jr|jrjr|atari|enot|slaught]  It's difficult to insult Himeko.  We didn't call it a date, we're not homo.  Another recently departed, we'll all miss you Kaynen. Good luck with future blood stains and last minute trips to [redacted].  There is pathetic, and there is beyond pathetic.  Still looking to sell seventeen stacks...   At least mage chat was always helpful when one was in need.  The real reason Turnip hated me doing engineering.   Blizzard still does a stellar job hiring entry level GMs. At least the smart ones move on quickly and don't have to deal with assholes like me.  Even a month later, mentioning 'murloc' in trade chat is wonderous.  Warrior and Shaman are right next to each other when creating a character apparently.  She said 'suck', not 'stuck' sir.  He wasn't "loling" when I ported out without him. Don't kill squirrels in front of me asshole.  And he just can't spell.  Fatty.  D-cup shoulders, all the rogues are envious.   His hearthstone only had 53 minutes of cooldown remaining..  Engineering at its finest.  lol  Down the river, not across the tracks.   ------------------------------ Why Guild Recruiting Sucks 101    ------------------------------ These are a few of my favorite things..  Sometimes I can be a hot-head.  Five gold on the squirrel.  ------------------------------   |
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So now that we raid one day a week the magic starts to happen.  We pride ourselves on using wacky tactics.  Dolores is such a whore. Look at her in that outfit.  Valkie the prankster, hard at work. I'm actually kind of amazed he was able to pull this off because making that trinket must have cost at least 48 silver.  Congratulations, we have a winner in the "would you care to rephrase that?" contest. |
 This picture just doesn't do that wacky staff justice. It's a squid on a stick. With tentacles. And they wriggle. No one was surprised when Himeko constantly parked himself in front of Bag on raids. In fact, to get him to do anything, we have to throw in promises of "princess time" with Bag's staff, whatever that means. Oh, and speaking of Bag, we had an all-time top 10 ventrilo moment the other day.  So we're working on High King Maulgar, which had a chance to careen head-first into a brick wall or go smooth as Himeko's princess tush (he assures me of this, I don't actually have proof) depending on the pull, which is already completely fubared because our hunters are absent more than Spiccoli. "Wuht? You need me to pull something? No waaaay, dude." With a startling lack of people in other classes, I decided to improvise. You have invited Bag to join your raid group. Bag has joined the raid group. BAG Sup? ME Bag, bring your moonkin gear. BAG WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? I don't actually have enough punctuation to express the degree of his utter shock and bewilderment, but suffice to say, I don't think ever in the history of WoW has a raid leader ever once asked for moonkin.  I love this quest series. It shows that the WoW quest designers keep very up to date on world events and like to write little allegories into their questlines. You see, in this case, Lump represents Warlord George W. Bush and his Boulderfist ogres represent the GOP. You bring da war to W and he puts it in da stew. |
Apparently people think Skeletal Ushers are hard or something. Like, harder than some bosses hard. To that I say, poppycock. But, because I am a generous soul, I will leave you with this tip for mastering such a fearsome trash mob.  Turnip is our guild's public relations spokesperson.   More Karazhan strats to come! |
Yes, I realize this is old content and by bringing it up I'm kind of like my dad grumbling about the days when we walked both ways uphill to get to school, and hopefully this will make more sense than when my dad tries to tell a joke. "Oh wait, did I mention the cowboy's horse was blue? Shit, forgot that part didn't I." Anyway, this is basically a fuck-you to anyone who died every time on Heigan and made me waste valuable minutes of my life that could have been spent curing cancer or singing to the children in the burn unit.  For those reading along at home that don't know anything about Heigan, just watch this video real fast to get an idea of what's going on: THE SLIME KILLS YOU, IDIOT. Basically, Anowene ran the entire fight in tree form, which for those of you that are pathetically stupid and don't realize why this is significant, comes with both an inherent movement speed penalty and no /train emote. Yet there he stands, alive and well, full of arboreal joy. Oh, and the best part of Karazhan is that there are a couple fights like this where if you suck at moving and paying attention to simple repetitive patterns, you wipe the raid. My advice if you have trouble with video games? Go back to playing Super Mario Brothers until you can jump over shit and avoid a slowly rotating and incredibly predictable ball of fire. I can only imagine what must go on in the heads of some people as they raid. It's probably something like how when they were six and playing Super Marior Brothers: "Hmmmmm.... turtle... and yes, yes it's moving. Hmmmm... how to get by. Perhaps I can jump over it. Wait, no. That will never work. It moves much too fast. What if I run into the turtle? Hmmm... the timing will be tricky. Eureka! It turns around when it runs into the pipe! Time to save the princess! Woo-ho... shit." CONTINUE: Y/N? Netherstorm is a pretty awesome zone. Lots of centralized quest hubs, good flow, nice atmosphere, not too much bullshit trash that aggroes from a zillion miles away and diseases you for 30 minutes.... Just be careful where you park your fel reaver, and always use The Club.  |
 Every time I see the mail icon I cringe a little because I know it means that Heffer has probably sent me mail. It's a good thing that the FBI hasn't started flagging our in-game mail because my inbox would be a one-stop shopping center to pick up deviants, crazies, pedophiles, and cat vagina lovers.  These are the kinds of tells I get from Heffer on a daily basis.  Sometimes I don't even want to know what he's....  Jesus H. Christ on a bike.  You see, my girlfriend doesn't drink much, unless she starts asking me "where is this relationship going?" in which case she ends up chasing shots of vodka with flavored vodka but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with my utter lack of commitment or long term goals. But one night, her boss had a Christmas party and she got very drunk like reasonable adults are wont to do, which means slamming down jager shots and throwing peanuts at the busboys of some overpriced high-class sports bar. So her co-worker calls me and suggests that I come pick her up. It's late and I'm in the middle of an experience group while playing Dark Age of Camelot, but I'm feeling sort of like a bad boyfriend since I suggested her sister should join us in bed and log off to go pick her up. I arrive at the sports bar and she stumbles toward me, totally thrilled that I've arrived. Her coworkers are pleased to meet me, but probably more surprised that I exist because how many girlfriends tell people that their boyfriends make badger noises in bed? Not many, I bet. I drag her by the hand back to my car and every 15 feet is punctuated by dialogue like this: GIRLFRIEND I needa baffroom. ME C'mon, you'll be fine. Almost to the car. GIRLFRIEND Ookaaaaay. ME Good girl. C'mon, almost there. GIRLFRIEND I love you? ME Did you mean to end statement with a question mark? GIRLFRIEND I needa baffroom now. ME No honey, no barfing. You just think you have to barf. We're almost there and then you can go home and pass out. GIRLFRIEND Can I throw up now? |
  A couple days ago, we cleared Karazhan with the exception of Nightbane, who is an optional boss summoned after you complete a quest series and a few heroic instance runs. That Tier 4 helm rotted because of the group's less than ordinary makeup. Grats to the following Casual members on proving why berating your guild members and slavedriving them to success isn't necessary, and only breeds resentment or causes them to quit the guild: Moonflash Zest Trilly Valkie Aristal Charlotte Arloma Binks Reiss Teleyn Bag For those keeping score at home, that's: 2 warriors (1 prot, 1 ms) 4 paladins (2 holy, 2 dpsadin) 2 priests (2 shadow) 2 rogues (sword) 1 druid (lolcat)   This is probably the best picture ever.  Updates will now be shorter and more frequent. Keep checking back regularly for more Casual-brand wackiness. |
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Casual travels through time! Malantis defeated by Mr. Bigglesworth! Trilly VS. Valkie: loser wears the man-purse!  This update is brought to you by LSD, pinot, and loltreeform.  This is a scene from Blade's Edge Mountains, near the lair of Gruul the Dragonkiller, one of the 25-man raids in the Burning Crusade. Yes, those are fully grown dragons impaled on the jagged cliffs.  This is the best buff ever in the history of MMORPGs, and quite frankly, I think it's been long overdue. You can still run around as a chicken and own faces, albeit 66% less effectively, which is really not so bad considering you can backstab someone in chicken form and /spit on their corpse.  This is a scene from the Hillsbrad wing of the Caverns of Time instance where you help free Thrall from Durnholde Keep. You can see here how Malantis was overcome by emotion and swept up in the drama of the moment. Epic writing like this hasn't been seen in a video game since the beginning of Double Dragon where the gay motorcycle gangbangers punch your girlfriend in the stomach and carry her off to Jeremy Iron's evil castle of pure... evilness. The only way this could be more epic is if you woke up in the Plane of Time and realized it was all a dream. You know what's totally awesome? Fear on trash mobs in instances. ON EVERY FUCKING PULL. Hey, designers, guess what? Fear collision is fucking broken. I've fallen through the world or stuck inside objects in every single dungeon in beta so far. At least it's kind of pretty.  Burning Crusade: "we swear fear ward won't matter anymore" -- Eyonix    After delivering Thrall from bondage (Which is a colossal mistake, by the way. I'm sure Arloma the french paladin would have done just as well defending Mount Hyjal from the dark forces of Archimonde.) we took a tour of quaint old Tarren Mill in the days before it became infested with zerglings. As you can see, he has a strange obsession with the barn and its occupants. Though, MR. Thrall did seem a bit HANDS-on when it came to fighting off his captors.  What followed may or may not have anything to do with the increased demand for oily blackmouth and praerie dogs.  Vess got laid, by the way. Grats on beating Himeko in the race to deflowerment.  You may be wondering what we're doing about raids on the eve of WoW's first expansion. To be quite honest, it sucks. The only guilds that will see a continued strong presence are those that killed Kel'Thuzad before the expansion because everyone knows the entire zone is on farm status. People won't use finals and holidays as an excuse to miss the painful learning process and obscene farming requirements. We were about a week from seeing the Four Horsemen dead, and then the patch wreaked complete havoc with our progress. Well, that and people getting a "fuck it, I'll just wait till the expansion" mindset. So no, you and your guild are not alone. http://forums.elitistjerks.com/viewtopic.php?id=9567&p=3 Historically, this happens in every MMO every year around Christmas, or right before an expansion. But releasing the expansion after the Holidays was just about the worst possible timing for any semi-serious raiding guild. The irony is, WoW's total concurrency has never been higher, thanks to the revised honor system.  Nice gear, dude. BG queues are way down and there are over a hundred Arathi Basin instances going on weekend nights. Fucking crazy. This is the way the honor system should have been to start with. Of course, having played DAOC for years, I could have told you right from the get-go that linear reward structures are the way to go while gradually raising the quality of rewards every couple months. The way it SHOULD be is this: Every 3 months, release one new raid zone and a new set of PVP rewards. Raid instances should be winged like Naxxramas, or even divided into separate instances like Scarlet Monastery, not sprawling bullshit like Ahn'Qiraj or Molten Core. They should have fewer bosses with tiered difficulty levels, just like 5-man dungeons. Trash mobs should be prosaic, designed to teach you strats that will need to be incorporated for later bosses, not just mindless bullshit that you need to clear for an hour to get to the real meat of raiding. Designers: stop adding "farming wings" where newbs can clear trash in hopes of a few epics. It pisses me the fuck off that we have to clear through tedious Deathknight trash every week because the devs wanted to give newbies a chance to farm epics in small groups. That's what PVP and hard-mode 5-mans are for. Oh, wait, they just fixed that. Two years later. Adding new tiers of PVP rewards and having them coincide with new raid content keeps the game fresh and gives players access to constant power upgrades that will allow them to overcome old content if they weren't able to do it when it was new. This is preferable to adding new content ONCE A YEAR that will benefit your whole playerbase. You know the whole design philosophy of "constant small rewards?" Why did that get overlooked in designing the end-game and PVP?  Nice "surprise pull." Don't get me wrong, WOW is a great game and it's better than any other MMO I've ever played, but what the fuck? The basic principles which make it great are totally neglected at the end-game level. Oh, and while I'm seething, let's talk about guilds. Currently, if one of my guys finds his playtime diminished because of work, school, kidney failure, whatever, he's of absolutely no worth to the guild. Can't log on to keep up with the learning curve on Four Horsemen or Gothik? Sorry, but I'd rather not bring you, pal. The fact that guilds are nothing more than glorified chat rooms is the big problem with WoW. It's like guild functionality was an afterthought to basic game features. "Oh yeah, it's a social game. We should probably add some guild stuff. Hmm, how about tabards? Okay yeah, that's good. High-five! Let's go on break and play ping-pong." Where are the: Guild banks? Guild levels? Guild quests? Guild recruitment via the in-game interface? All great ideas that Everquest 2 has had for years now. So, let's say my guy got stuck on the night shift and can't raid with us anymore, but we still want him in the guild. What can he do to help us and be part of the group? Farm herbs? Are you fucking kidding me? Donate gold? Uh, right. Not so much. But if the guild earns experience and gains access to additional tradeskill features, or even instances, my buddy can now log on during the off-hours and help the guild achieve something. Hmm, this rant probably isn't helping attendance any. Okay, time for the funny. Valkie VS. Trilly  How did this fierce blood feud start, you might ask?  (Actually, that's just lazy fucking healers using emergency monitor, but whatever, it was funny.)  VALKIE Good evening, and welcome to another edition of ROGUE TALK. Tonight, our subject is maces versus swords: which is better? TRILLY Swords. VALKIE Nooooo, maces. TRILLY Clearly swords. VALKIE Maces. TRILLY Swords! VALKIE Maces! TRILLY Extras attacks. VALKIE Stun procs. TRILLY Self-respect. VALKIE You know what, @#$% you, alright? Just go shut your %@#$ and ^@$# your @#^%@#& mouth, you worthless sack of meatloaf. And you have a @#$^! haircut, too. TRILLY Well. VALKIE I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm sorry. Very sorry. TRILLY You know, I think we should consider commentating with other people. VALKIE Excuse me? TRILLY I do. I don't think this is working out. VALKIE Are you commentating with Paislee? TRILLY No, all I'm saying is that... VALKIE You are, aren't you? How could you do this? Paislee? In Relentless? She can't even survive dark glare? Paislee? Really? TRILLY Look, I'm sorry. People grow and I think that over time... VALKIE This is about my maces, isn't it? TRILLY No, Valkie, no. It's not the maces, it's just that, well... VALKIE I want my gnomish battle chicken back.  TRILLY What? VALKIE You heard me. I want my chicken back. TRILLY No. It's mine. VALKIE Oh no, the chicken is mine. You betrayed my trust. If I can't trust you not to whore yourself out like common street trash, I certainly can't trust you to safeguard my chicken. I want him back. Now. TRILLY But who will squawk for me? VALKIE Obscuro, maybe. But that's not my problem. TRILLY You can't do this. VALKIE It's already done. Now come, Mr. Chookipus, we have much slaying left to do. TRILLY I can't believe this is happening. VALKIE Mace rogues! Bring the pain, bitches! OOOOOOH YEAH. And there you have it. Stay tuned for our next episode of Valkie VS. Trilly. (The winner may or may not be decided by who gives me more mongoose potions.) In other news, we fucked with newbies.    This is what happens when you wait 48 minutes for everyone to show up for the fucking Hakkar buff.  Doesn't Valkie look lovely in his lovely red dress?  Burg is an asshole.  Why is it that most bloggers are totally fat?  Oh, and they added fat NPCs to the game.  Oh yeah, fuck broken fear pathing.   Actually, she does! But I won't post more pics of Turnip until I receive 5,000 gold in my mail. I have full body pictures waiting. All I need is gold. Speakin of Heffer, when he isn't dying in interesting new ways, he's suffering from anti-social disorders, or locking himself in his room and playing Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt" over and over.    What does old cat vagina smell like?  Even if we didn't get to the bottom of the mystery of what old cat vagina smells like, we did come up with a new strat for Anub'Rekhan.  Heffer probably caused this wipe.  And he almost certainly had nothing to do with this serious buffing.  Heffer gave this guy some great gear advice.  Okay, now seriously, for being the token black guy, you'd think Zizzle could dance. Apparently not. I really miss the days when dead people didn't get gold splits. Heigan is such an awesome fight. I hope all you shitbags that die every time on the speed run have your accounts hacked by chinese gold farmers and then when you log in your characters are deleted and replaced with female gnomes named CATVAGINA one through ten. I could be bitter, or maybe it's just getting really old that we kill Heigan every week with the same 20 people left standing.     I think Gas had a rough childhood. It goes a long way toward explaining his penchant for eating fish and crying after sex. Oh, Malantis, where art thou?  Seriously, I get at least 10 requests from Malantis per raid asking to be moved around and then at least twice that number of requests from people asking to be moved out of his group. He's kind of a bad ass though. He don't take no gruff.  My, my. Where did this ferocious streak of manliness come from, you might ask? Well, Malantis got the idea in him that he could start tanking, and far be it from me to ever dissuade someone from their dreams.    Seriously, after we're clearing Heigan and I tell everyone in no uncertain terms not to touch the fucking bats, there's Malantis, beating away on the poor bats. And when he's not terrorizing bats, the other local wildlife suffer.   The results were somewhat unexpected.  Yes, this is a picture of Mr. Bigglesworth CHASING MALANTIS AND ATTACKING HIM. I shit you not. Malantis accidentally blinked into the Abomination wing, aggroing the golems, who summarily warstomped and killed him. Mr. Bigglesworth has claimed his revenge, oh yes. In closing, BEHOLD, the birth of a new legacy!  |
Lindsay Lohan Joins Casual! Malantis Goes To Prison! Exclusive Beta Sneak Peek!  Most of the time I could care less what celebrities do, but the wanton sluttiness of Lindsay Lohan has captivated my attention like a schoolbus full of first-graders being held at gunpoint by a man dressed as a polar bear. In this picture, I'm sure she's simply drunk and trying to navigate treacherous steps in 8 inch stripper heels, but I'd like to believe that the LAPD has ordered her to come out with her hands up and spread 'em against a squad car, and then a sultry Kiera Knightly dressed in a detective outfit forcefully cuffs her and reads her rights.  I'm so there. I had a naked picture of her posted a few minutes ago, but I got a nasty threatening legal notice from her publicist and orders to take it down. That was really fast. I was actually kind of flattered. Too bad you guys missed the picture. I guess this slice of Turnip will have to do instead.   You may be wondering by now why I haven't included anything having to do with WoW. That's mostly because we don't have anything new to report besides our embarkment upon the Trail of Tears.   As I'm sure you're all aware, explaining a fight to people for the first time can be confusing. Where to stand. When to move. Who to heal. That sort of thing. Now imagine you're explaining how to play Clue to a classroom of downs syndrome kids, give them a five minute explanation, and then turn them loose. CAPTAIN MUSTARD IN DA CLOSET WIFF DA HAMMER HAHAHHAHAAHAHA SNORT. "No, retard. (Oh wait, you're not supposed to actually call retards 'retards' are you? No to their face, anyway.) You're supposed to wait until you have clues before you make a guess." OTAY. Alright, now, as I was saying, when it's your turn and roll the dice and then when ... MISS PLUM IN DA BAFFROOM WIFF DA AXE AHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH SNORT. Not that I would ever call our members retards, because that would be negative and bad for morale, but you get the idea of what this fight can be like. Anowene invents a new device to control Aggrosheepa on the threat meters.  Because Turnip is a minimalist and never really bothered to invest the time to learn about UIs or threat meters or other technical things, she manipulates others into doing them for her.  It came to light that Melpomene actually owns a Chinchilla. We spent the better part of an evening discussing Chincilla ownership. This may or may not explain why we wiped to Patchwerk 13 times before finally getting him down. I don't know.  Speaking of Heffer... After Patchwerk you have to clear a few abominations in Grobbulus' room. When you pull them, they have this really neato knockback that sends you flying up into the air. We're talking Ragnaros style knockback. So, every week, when the hunters bitch and moan about who has to pull them (to date, only Trilly and I have survived the fall because we have mad ninja skills) Heffer stepped up and volunteered. Well, more like surprise pulled while we were still buffing and had no mana but that's not important. What's important is that Heffer is a go-getter, and that's what makes our guild great. Heffer was a success.  Later that night we went on our typical ZG libram runs. It's guild policy to NOT KILL ANYONE THAT GETS MIND CONTROLLED BY THE VOODOO SKULL PILES. To my dismay, people savagely violated this policy and brought a swift end to poor Heffer.  I was on Amazon the other day doing some early Christmas shopping (for me) when I stumbled upon the top music sales. Here is what I found.  Josh Groban? What the fuck? A singer known only for his cameo performance on Ally McBeal as a throwback to Burt Bacharach only with a gay world musicky sound? Who the fuck buys this shit, let alone makes it #1 on Amazon? Barry Manilow? Not even my mom listens to Barry Manilow. People that buy this record think that AOL is the internet. How is this even possible unless the entire nation of Uzbekhistan has venerated him as a national hero and mandated playings of this record thrice per day? Tony Bennett? Old people can't use the internet. This must be a mistake. The Who. Okay, my dad did figure out how to use email a while ago, so I suppose it's possible that this record could make it into the top sellers list. But what the fuck, it's not even Live at Leeds.  Who the fuck is Hannah Montana? Hannah Montana is an Original Series by Disney Channel which debuted Friday, March 24th of this year. Star Miley Cyrus plays the role of dual personality preteen Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana, who lives during the day as a normal girl (Miley Stewart), and at night as a famous pop/rock star (Hannah Montana). Only Miley�s two best friends, her brother and her father know of her secret. Interestingly, her father is also her manager who is played by Miley Cyrus� real life father, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. Series creators have done an outstanding job giving watchers a best-of-both-worlds appearance, so any problem is solved before the show is over and much light is made of the heroines� double life style. The Show is rated TV-G and specifically developed for tween audiences 14 and under. Woah, and she's actually hot in a Hillary Duff in a schoolgirl uniform kind of way, but I'm not going to post pictures of jailbait because my reputation is already in question and I'm sure the FBI has this site flagged by now. I know the military already blocked us. Meatloaf. Bat Out of Hell. III. He put a fucking dragon on his album cover and yet somehow manages to sell this thing. Who buys this shit? Ten to one, people with t-shirts of wolves howling at the moon and dragons breathing fire on a wizard. Siempre. Hah, this is a good joke. Mexicans don't use the internet. Except for Obscuro, who is half American, or at least, that's what he put on his guild application. WE'RE STILL INVESTIGATING THAT, BY THE WAY.  John Mayer. Well, it's good to know that closeted homosexuals on college campuses everywhere are economically successful enough to impact the music industry. It's good that they've found a poster boy. So we may or may not have been recently involved in a minor Hyjal scandal that resulted in, umm, finishing up someone else's AQ40 and the sanding of many vaginas. Binks should work for the republicans or something, which of course, would be hilarious in its own right.  Arloma is French so he suggested we surrender right away, of course. Axe Body spray is awesome for attracting 15 year olds.  I get a lot of "can I join u guys??" tells in the middle of raids. You'd think the auto-response feature of the La Vendetta mod that says HEY FUCKFACE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIFFICULT ENCOUNTER THAT REQUIRES MY FULL ATTENTION WOULD BE ENOUGH OF AN INDICATION THAT PERHAPS YOU SHOULD NOT BOTHER ME would be enough.   I don't know how this happened.  Dolores is a beacon of hope and joy.  This is my brother Drew. He travels all over the country for his radio advertising internship and meets famous people. He was offered a job as a heavy metal radio DJ for some big station in Chicago at age 20. No joke. He turned it down because he had more important things in life that he needed to accomplish first, like get his college degree and take pictures with homeless people in the streets of New York. This picture is blurry. Like his judgment.  At first, I thought that was Jack Nicholson's corpse and my brother had found him. He makes fun of me for playing WoW, incidentally. Mods these days are incredible. They even know when I'm drunk in real life and adjust my in-game messages to match! This game is amazing!  Those of us that played Everquest like to reminisce about it in guild chat quite frequently. We tried to explain that bosses were hard not because of their abilities or dps, but that there was a group waiting right behind you ready to take the boss if you failed and died. Pressure!  This is our priest class leader.  BURNING CRUSADE SNEAK PEEK!  This is the Nagrand Arena where you can make your own Arena teams. See those birds up in the air that I'm flying past? Yes, the birdies now fly around instead of flopping around 3 feet above the ground. How cool is that?  This is Warbringer O'mrogg, a boss in the Shattered Halls, the level 70 wing of Hellfire Citadel. His two heads talk all kinds of smack while you fight him.   (This one die easy was referring to Valkie.)  He farts, too. This is a slime tunnel inside the same instance. Valkie was overjoyed to learn that he could play in the slime and not get in trouble for it.  This is Shattrah City, which is a no-pvp zone that Horde and Alliance share. It's conveniently located between like 3 other zones, so there will be all kinds of awesome corpse camping at the exits. You may want to leave general chat before entering this city because it's fucking impossible to find anything and people will be constantly shouting in general chat for help.  Oh, that reminds me, I have quite the good Valkie story to tell. Well, actually, I'm pressed for time so I'll let Trilly tell it (with my editing for clarity).  People probably wonder why Valkie gets made fun of so much. Today I'll provide you with just one example. A few nights ago we had an upper 60's group clearing through Auchidon on Beta. For those that don't know, there are 3 (4 if you count Labyrinth) wings to this zone, each one harder than the next. As we generally only play Beta after raids, it was late when we started ... very late [early] when we finished. After the second wing, we talked about going to bed. Valkie assured us that the third wing was, and I quote, "very short" while also promising that "we can skip most of the trash". What he neglected to mention, however, was for every mob you pull in this zone a second mob spawns in its place that must be killed as well. Well, that's a fun trick. Once in the zone, Valkie takes it upon himself to be the puller. Rather than wait for a few seconds to discern the patterns of the roamers, he throws something at the first mob he sees. Six charge us, and by six I mean twelve [see above]. The first "Zone out!!" call is issued. Upon reentering Valkie again dons the mantle of the puller, with similar results. Zone out call number two is issued. The third try turns out to be, as they say, the charm and through a small miracle the roamers lined up just right and we only had to deal with the three [six] pull. With an understanding of which mobs to kill first under our belts, we begin the plow. If you remember from above, Valkie claimed that "we can skip most of the trash." We ended up skipping four, yes four mobs in the entire zone. This brings us to the first boss, and where the story gets interesting. Picture Lord Incendius' room in Blackrock Depths, ie. a large bridge over lava. Now put a gnome-sized railing around it. This is similar to where you have to fight the first boss in the zone. Blizzard didn't stop there, however, as they have random wisps spawn on the bridge that will explode with a knockback, potentially blasting you over the railing and falling to your horrible death. Now isn't that interesting. Valkie has been to this boss before, and assures us that "It's okay guys, you can't get knocked off. There's an invisible wall." And -- with total confidence -- to prove this statement he runs directly at the edge and jumps. As he's falling to his doom in a helpless ballistic arc, his only comment on ventrilo is: "Hey ... there was supposed to be an invisible wall there". Roughly 17 minutes later we were able to breathe and killed the boss.  Trilly explains the difficult spec choices for leveling in the expansion.  Kais and Macphisto win the out of context screenshot award this week.   Our hunters have awesome pets.  Thinking about starting Naxxramas with your guild? This is what will be required of you.  Malantis does so much DPS that we have to keep him in a cage most of the time and only let him out for boss fights. Otherwise he might destroy the world.   Or not. TIME FOR SOME TOAST WITH TURNIP   Poor kitty Badger.   Totally unrelated, but awesome. Next time you're on the phone with a customer service rep, keep this in mind.  Go see Borat.  |
Loatheb Dies! Himeko Gets No Respect! Valkie Falls Off Stuff! Exclusive Turnip Nude Photos!  Here's a professional strategirical analysis of the symbology of the Loatheb fight:  1. Vegetarian fury warrior (wtf?) 2. Ignite thief 3. Walrus Rape fury warrior 4. Mace rogue (wtf?) 5. Sword (shit, DE'd my swords) no, wait, Dagger rogue 6. Dagger rogue (missed the buff because some faggot priest didn't move) 7. Not so good ignite thief 8. Dagger rogue (probably missed the buff) 9. MexiCAN sword rogue 10. Poor Ignite thief 11. Aqua, you know you're supposed to get the buff, right? 12. Trilly, did you forget to bandage or something? 13. How does a hunter beat a mage? The rest of the mages are fired. 14. MS warrior Pretend that you're at a carnival when some shady looking gypsy tells you that if you can shoot the coke bottle off the rail with a bebe gun, you'll win a brand new purple stuffed bear. But if you fail, you lose your life savings and get deported to Columbia to work on a Cocaine farm. Now imagine everyone at the carnival is watching you and your kids are there too, who both need braces and a new kidney. Could you handle that kind of pressure? Me neither. Which is why I got extremely drunk before we loaded up on every buff known to man and prepared 800g worth of consumables to kill this pinnacle of retarded raid design. Allow me to explain why Loatheb is a stupid, stupid encounter. 1. WoW is built on the premise that challenge should come from the fights themselves, and not the penalty of failure. For instance, in Everquest, the fights weren't terribly hard inasmuch as failing them meant you lost your corpse and all your gear unless you went through a 4 hour corpse run. Loatheb isn't very hard, but failing it for some stupid reason means you just blew hundreds of gold in consumables and hours of frustration. While the concept of 1 heal per person per minute and 50% extra crit rate in a burn fight race against time is cool, the inevitable consumable requirement makes this fight retarded. Worst fight in an otherwise great zone. 2. Raid stacking. If you let me have my pick, I'd bring 1 druid, 4 paladins, 9 priests, 1 warlock, 0 hunters, 1 tank, 9 rogues, 7 fire mages, and 8 fury warriors for Loatheb. There are supposed to be tradeoffs and balance when you put a raid together. You know, rogues do a lot of damage, but they can't do X, whereas hunter don't do as much damage, but they CAN do x. Not so on Loatheb. This fight sucks. Any time we wipe, we blame the healers, who blame the warlocks for using Curse of Recklessness. (Still the healers' fault.)  Anyway, we killed Gothik too, which is a good fight, but I was too excited and forgot to take a screenshot. These pictures of Valkie Gnome will have to do.   Sure, he looks like a badass here, but on the way to Loatheb, things sort of ... happened.  You see, the path to Loatheb leads you across a balcony across the outer ring of Naxxramas where packs of hungry ghouls and vicious deathknights roam. There's no way back up. So of course, Valkie falls off.  He needs a leash or something.  Poor Himeko.  Girls, he's really smart and kind of funny and can recite all three original Star Wars movies verbatim. Someone please date him.  You have to be older than 9, by the way. Apparently I'm losing my touch.  That does it. Apparently, I need to get back to my roots and piss off undeserving newbies. BACK TO THE ARENA!     And now I'd like to present a Classic Casual Update.  I have stalkers.  What, do you think I use AOL?  Duma is the best class leader we have.  Casual is still offering paid tours of BWL and allowing you to loot your very own epics!  And now, for the out of context screenshot award, I need you to help decide who should win this week: Thelnie?  or Neji?  I hope his son reads that. Anyway, Binks has excellent taste in home decor.  And Bag gives us a categorical breakdown of fine malt liquors.  Why is Mr. Bigglesworth getting death threats?   Better get Kaynen the real life hitman on the job.  Despite killing more South American dictators with kitchen utensils before breakfast than Steven Seagal kills all year, Kaynen has a deep love for the finer things in life, like theatre.  Having a co-raid leader that drinks even more than I do can produce interesting results.  Aquasheepa is a programmer. Comforting that people like him will be coding your bank finances for the next 20 years, yes?  And now.... It's Time For Some Toast With Turnip!   And now, for the first time anywhere, I will post exclusive pictures of Turnip in the flesh. Except it's going to be like Major League, where I reveal another piece of exposed flesh for every 100g sent to Dolores. He needs an epic mount, bitches.  This is Turnip. She actually sent me the full picture trusting me completely not to post it and I didn't totally violate that trust.  |
 BREAKING NEWS! CASUAL HAEV WON TEH SPECIAL OLYPMICS!  That angel of failure you see in the background is what we refer to as "Derka Derka". You see, when a Thaddius attempt is going badly, we will often bomb the raid and end it quickly to save time and repair bills. At least, that's how we justify it. But when Bag does it, it's a sociopolitical statement against the mistreatment of his people. You may recognize his people from such films as "The Ten Commandments" or "The History of the World: Part One" or "Monty Python's Life of Brian". Yes, that's right, you guessed it. The Jews.  But before we talk about The Jews, let's talk about Thaddius mods. You see, this fight isn't really dependent upon skill. The mods practically win it for you, right? You see, the devs though up this wondrously clever raid encounter that works perfectly assuming you're playing it from the QA department about 10 yards away on a series of computers connected by 3 feet of cable. This is what I like to refer to as the "Ivory Tower of Game Design", where good concepts eat shit in the wake of reality. You may remember this mod from epic encounters such as C'thun.  Phase One of Thaddius.  Here we see Stalagg using one of his cooldown abilities known as "Fucking Retard." Fearsome, yes? Over the course of the four weeks it took to beat this encounter, guild chat devolved into some interesting conversations, and of course, I abused my powers as raid leader to satisfy scientific curiosity.  Does this surprise you? Me neither. We're a bunch of operant conditioned nicotine weasels. Somewhere, I can hear Phillip Morris buynig shares of Vivendi. Which, of course, prompted the question:  Honestly, I don't know how you can raid and NOT drink. I knew tonight we were going to kill Thaddius. How did I know? I gave my roommate a $20 and asked him to pick me up some booze before raids. He strolled through the door, carrying bags full of cat litter and dog meat for his girlfriend's fucking ferrets. (Oh yeah, forgot to mention, she lives with us now. And her fucking ferrets. The most vile, odoriferous beasts in all of creation.) He handed me a case of STEEL RESERVE, quite possibly the most vile, odoriferous malt liquor in all of creation. So of course I drankt it. All pint and a half of it. And got totally fucking bombed in the middle of Thaddius. Let me emphasize that this is not a difficult fight, but trying to distinguish positive from negative, left from right, and making difficult command decisions like screaming at the assholes who fail the jump only becomes more strenuous under the effects of malt liquor.  Well said, sir. In other news, proof that John Travolta is fucking gay.  Summer lovin', indeed. Of course, getting to the point where all 40 of us could make the Thaddius jump, it took weeks of arduous training.  Now why would I post a picture of this nice, undeserving retard? Well, you see, Naxxramas has built levels of what designers call "Retard Nets." Allow me to explain:  Yes, Wunderheal, women have trouble with the jumps. And they send me mails like this in game thinking that somehow I can use my clout as the #1 PVPer to introduce new changes to the game.  They're too busy thinking about pant-suits to make the jump. If you're nodding along, saying "Yeah, Thelnie is right!" then your guild is probably going to hate you when it comes time to learn Thaddius. I skipped a few in here somewhere, but whatever.  If so, CONGRATULATIONS! You can kill Thaddius. Assuming the internet gods see fit to bless 40 connections for 5 minutes. Arloma blessed us with a rousing chorus of the French National Anthem as a reward for our great success! ARLOMA SINGING IN FRENCH LOL (Right click and save as or it won't work.) Burglecutt conducts an important vote:  Hmm. Guess I better document this with scientific evidence.  Why is it that every time I try to take a screenshot, some asshole steps right in front of the camera? Every time. Unbelievable. I hope you all die of lupus. Here, let's try that again.  MOTHER FUCKER. Alright, here we go.  Worst. Hair. Ever. Trilly is fucking ghetto.  No wonder he can't spring for a haircut. But he still owns me, recalling the slime highway incident.  So Binks is notorious for whacking Mr. Bigglesworth with a hammer every time we go to Naxxramas. He said that he got so efficient at it, he made macros. I didn't believe him until I saw this.   In other news, Aquasheepa is an illegal immigrant who will hide in the wheel-wells of wagons to sneak into our country and steal our raid spots.  Fix fear pathing already. We prepare for all fights by selecting the proper soundtrack. Normally, I like to go with a mesclature of Black Sabbath's "Supernaut" followed by "Behind the Walls of Silence", or even the super swinging sounds of Nelly Furtado's "Like a Bird." Your results may vary.  Speaking of music. Obscuro sang to us as a reward for killing Thaddius. Casual Macarena (right click to save) And if that weren't enough, Himeko blows William Hung right out of the fucking water, oh yeah. Himeko Is A Material Girl (right click to save) Oh, wait, what's that? You can't get enough of Casual Ventrilo recordings? Oh good sirs, there's more where that came from. Listen as Burglecutt extols the virtues of the CROISSANT breakfast pastry. Burgle explains the Croissant. But don't let that fool you. He's no Frenchman. He's a meat-eating, RedBlooded American. Meat tastes good. Burglecutt on his visit to Applebee's. We now refer to any slack-ass motherfucker who's not so handy with the buffs as an Applebee's Wench. Best rant ever. Bag is the shit master.  I don't get that. When I poop, I need to poop in solace. I want to be the only one around for miles. I will consciously search out the most remote, solitude bathroom in the building and wait till the most opportune moment to relieve myself. I can't handle some guy next to me grunting and moaning. I'm sorry, it just doesn't work. And the rustling of newspaper or the fake cough? Forget it. I clench up. Instant constipation. Himeko figured out what the Gluth pipe is REALLY for. BOX FUCKING SEATS.  So tonight, as we're running up to Thaddius, Malantis is fucking sniping people with snowballs from the pipe as they try to cross the highway. They never saw it coming. Dispholidus has strong morals and ethics about PVP.  I don't know what this means.  Gasmask = gay.  Dead?  (As you may be able to discern, I am getting more drunk as this update goes on. Amy is now sitting behind me on my bed, lamenting my bad haircut, which I got in anticipation of Teleyn's wedding this weekend in Atlanta. She just said "You need to get off the computer right now while you're still ahead." I'm bad at following orders.) Oh, speaking of real life, I thought a brief snippet written by my roommate would be entertaining. TALES FROM THE ROOMMATE Dear Casual Gamers, I know we haven't talked much in the past but I feel it's important you do something for me. Kill Thadeus. Seriously. Night after night while I'm snuggling with my girlfriend on the couch in the living room watching episode after episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel my night is interrupted by the same thing. Digo swearing at the top of his god damned lungs over and over about wiping on Thadeus. Now normally I'd relish in his suffering. I am, after all, forced to live under the same roof as a human that must be addressed by his internet psudonym at all times. Even at work EVERYONE refers to him as Digo. It's fucking irritating. He signed our lease as Digo and the agent almost accepted it. I'm all for Digo drinking himself to death, but it's just so damn slow. The sooner you bastards finish Naxx, the sooner he's liable to have no more meaning to his life and silently put an end to it all so I can finally find out if Buffy lives or not. regards, Digosroommate OKAY, FAG. Go back to Buffy and making echinacea tea for your girlfriend and leave the undead slaying to the real men. And by the way, it's "Thaddius". Geez. Oh speaking of, this is how pros buff.  Kaynen really is a hitman in real life. No shit.  You guys can kick her out of Relentless now.  TIME FOR SOME TOAST WITH TURNIP! This is Badger, Turnip's poor, crack-addled cat.   Wut?  Turnip moved to a new highrise apartment, now that she's in charge of an organ transplant center. Snarf. The very thought of such a thing paralyzes me with fits of laughter.  She was on Spleh's computer, too.  And in the Druid chat channel.   Sind on dating.  Sind on dead hookers.  Why isn't this the official gnome mount? Can someone please tell me why they picked a stupid fucking chicken?  *** Time out.... someone just called me and asked for me. "Yes, this is Digo." "YOU NEED TO UPDATE THE WEBSITE, ASSHOLE." The number is 572-214-0525. Call them back and quote a random line of your favorite Disney movie at 3am. Thanks. **** UPDATE: this is the wrong number. I was drunk and posted the wrong fucking number. So all the people that called this and told me it was the wrong number, you're dialing some poor fat black woman in Mississippi or something. But I won't change it. You know, for journalistic integrity. I promised Valkie that he would be in the update. This happens on every boss kill while Cephid is finishing up the loot.  Whenever Valkie misbehaves, we whack him on the nose with a newspaper and put him back in his cage where he belongs.  World PVP is a smashing success.  I'll probably add more to this update tomorrow when I'm sober. |
 Patchwerk Proves No Match for Casual's Box Jumping Skills and Slime Dodging Thrills!  Of course, this came at the cost of many tears and much debating over whether or not our guild was even prepared for such an encounter. It was wondered whether or not our guild possessed the appropriate genetic makeup to tackle such an obstacle.  Some nights were not so happy.  I got a little frustrated.  But never let it be said that WoW raid encounters are bad. If you didn't play EQ in the Luclin era, you have no idea how good we have it.  Yes, you read that correctly. A two hour fight. When we announced that we would be selling raid spots to fund our raiding, I got this tell.   Not everyone can slay tauren all day, little Timmy. Desperate times call for desperate measures.   We also killed Grobbulus after some hilarity with the frogger tunnel of doom.  Predictably, quite a few people died crossing the treacherous frogger highway, dying in various horrible and amusing ways. After our first wipe on Grobbulus, we totally forgot to stone someone or DI, so we ended up running back. Determined to alleviate repair costs and spare the guild bank a few hundred gold, I decided to have a quick demonstration of how to properly cross the frogger highway. (Running into or near the slimes kills you, for the special childrenz out there.) So there I stood at the edge of the slime highway, a brilliant star clad in the finest armaments, a proud warrior and respected leader of my people. I would lead the way into Canaan. "Alright, assholes, watch and learn. I'll show you the right way to run this gauntlet." You know that tiny, nagging voice of reason in the back of your mind that tells you what you're about to do is an extremely bad idea? That the gods will almost assuredly strike you down for such hubris and stupidity? Yeah, me too, but I never listen to it. Then I wouldn't have stories for you jackals to devour.  Not only did I die, but they rezzed me back to the beginning, so I had to run it again, whereupon I quickly died. Again. I guess that just goes to show that god punishes some people almost immediately. In other news, Turnip takes fitness very seriously. Time for some toast with Turnip!  Still, no one can surpass Trilly's ninja skillz.   Don't believe her?  Bonding with one's llama is vital to the success of any llama race.   Unintentional hilarity at it's finest. I don't think I've ever seen anything so funny in years. Let's join Turnip at the winner's circle!  UPDATE: It has come to my attention that people actually own llamas. Bag and Cherubino are our most hardcore raiders. They are homeless, so they raid from their car.   Accidents for a thousand, Alex. At this point in the update, I'd like you to take a moment and queue up Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" in preparation for this bold documentary of Valkie Gnome's conquest of Naxxramas. Go on. Click it. Valkie trains hard.  Many said it could not be done.  I never doubted him for a moment. This is his journey.     I had to be there to witness this historic moment.     Yes sir, Valkie Gnome didn't get where he is by eating donuts. He trained hard, listened to lots of Survivor, and saved his money. Perhaps to excess. I'm sure you have those people in your guild who loathe to spend gold on anything.   No joke, he fights from the slime like a champ. We sort of lost him on the way to Maexxna. We were busy fighting off ferocious gargoyles and our healers panicked while desperately trying to heal Valkie. His health bars were dropping, but he was nowhere to be found. Turns out, he dove into the slime and swam into a different wing of Naxxramas. He hasn't been the same since. Why PVP in WoW blows dick.  Speaking of....   Cherubino raids from the green room of some big opera show.  Sullon got a sneak-peak of the expansion and found out that Lo Pan is a boss of Hellfire Citadel.  The subject of my sister's chastity is a hot topic these days. Assholes.  In Casual, we are very open to new ideas. Most of the time.  Thelnie didn't know what a gloryhole was.  Gasmask seemed to produce that information rather quickly.  Orly.  Uh huh.  Windrider has his moments.  Poor bag.  The key difference is, I don't always force you to be in group 8. You know, the back of the bus group?  I'm sure you know someone who does that. They say "oh em gee" or "lawl" out loud in real life. Probably the best reason I can think of for not allowing people to carry loaded firearms. Which makes me wonder about Texas. The one time I was there was kind of surreall. It was like that scene in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil where John Cusack calls his agent. "This place is fantastic; it's like "Gone With The Wind" on mescaline. And they're all heavily armed and drunk. New York is boring!" Obligatory epeen pic.  But yeah, I still die in stupid and entertaining ways.  I was afk looking for hot midgets on myspace. No, really. Speaking of, I think I may have found the single funniest ad on Craigslist in the history of the internet. Casual Encounters is AWESOME.  Our officers are generous.   We talk about politics a lot.  Yeah, I'm so sure that senator totally regrets boning cheerleaders when he was in highschool. Way to legislate your Sunday morality on us dude.  Jesus fucking christ, is it that common that they needed to LEGISLATE it? Probably so, because you might end up with a kid like this.  Fucking Binkles.  Will this horror never cease?    I can't wait to see Borat. It's going to be the best movie this year.  |
Spider Wing Cleared! Dolores Gnome Hits 60! Valkie Gnome Murders Cats!  There is a direct corrolation between the learning of new raid content and the deterioration of my liver.  We also killed Faerlina last week.  Please note the Murky dancing on her corpse.  You may also be wondering why we haven't posted this on the Hyjal guild progresion thread. The answer is, because we think it's funny to see our progress go unnoted. Hopefully, we can get all the way to Kel'Thuzad without them updating our progress. When we started the new Hyjal boards and announced that we wouldn't update the progression thread any longer, Mordius of Advent Fury got sand in his vagina and decried our shameful neglect. Also, it reduces the number of idiots who spam Turnip with recruitment questions on AIM. Speaking of Turnip... It's Time For Some Toast With Turnip!  Turnip got a big promotion at work. She now runs an organ transplant center at a very large hospital. So word to the wise: if you ever go drinking with Turnip and wake up in a bathtub full of red ice with a gaping wound in your side and a missing kidney, don't say I didn't warn you.  She's one of our best healers.  And fuck you, Burglecutt. I couldn't make it through the day without the delicious effervescence of Diet Coke. It sustains me.   We've actually created a Crabtech society within Casual. Sort of like an RSS newsfeed, we keep tabs on him at all times. Where he is, what he's doing, that sort of thing. Why?  People only wish they could be as cool as Crabtech, who isn't even in our guild.  I dunno, sending me whining bitch tells that make you look like a complete retard after I ignore your stupid stalker alt for days works pretty well. Congratulations, you have made the Casual front page. I hope you feel validated.  Does anyone want to trade warlocks? Seriously. Bitsee comes with full T2. We'll throw in a stack of Chimaerok Chops, too. Why would we trade our valued members like livestock?   Dolores Gnome the Cutest Gnome Reaches Level 60! Hooray! Dolores contacted me via myspace with this breaking news.  Is that picture awesome or what?   We basically dropped everything and put off Naxxramas to get Dolores geared up. Dolores Before:  Dolores After:  Naxxramas is pretty awesome though. Mobs barf on you.   Sometimes, it can be hard to keep people focused when there are more pressing activities at hand.  Box Jumping has replaced Bug Racing as the great new sport. Soon, Koreans everywhere will be worshipping Valkie gnome when they learn of his amazing box jumping skills. Even Boxer, the famous rangrang professional Starcraft player never imagined this kind of fame.    I can't get people to coordinate for 6 minutes to kill Maexxna, but I can get 40 people on a box in less than 4 seconds. What the fuck, Chuck?   After all, we've got a rep to maintain.  So does Bag.  We were talking about work the other day in guild chat. Someone mentioned pharmaceutical reps.   A year ago, I was still in the copier sales business. I hated my life. So I thought that somehow, moving into the pharmaceutical sales racket would be better because you don't actually have to sell anything. If I'd known from the get-go that it basically involves lots of teeth-whitening treatments and sucking dick for 10 hours a day, I wouldn't have wasted the time to go to the interview. I bullshitted my way through a screening phone interview, which was mostly just a check to see that I wasn't a complete retard. A week later, I had an interview at a Starbucks with a bunch of shiny happy assholes from Pfizer. In the middle of the interview, my attention drifted off and I couldn't stop thinking about how evil these people were. How could I sell a product that might very well cause testicular cancer? How could I live with myself knowing I'd pushed a product that killed people? How could I live with myself knowing that I'd sucked miles of doctor dick to do it? All the while, I kept up the pretense of paying attention, nodding, throwing out a few "exacty!" or "oh, absolutely!" and "certainly, I understands." I'm actually really good at interviews. About 45 minutes into this abortion, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I slipped out the back door of Starbucks (stole a low-fat poppyseed muffin on the way out) and left. Kais wondered aloud if anyone in the guild could actually run a mile.  Starting now, Casual will no longer give DKP for attendance and boss kills. Raid invites will be done on the basis of mile times and the number of pull-ups you can do in 60 seconds. Physical fitness is very important to us. We will no longer accept fat applicants, and to prove that you are indeed an Adonis of online gaming, we will require 3 different forms of recent photo identification and a complete physical from your physician. Scabies are okay though.  We're a helpful bunch.  Rohan is a P-I-M-P.  We like to amuse ourselves on boring raids by sharing amusing missed connections posts from http://craigslist.org    Himeko, our cultural attache.  Burglecutt took great offense to this.  No joke.  Valkie finally got his trash-drop servo hammer. This is only newsworthy because typically the instance has to be on farmstatus for a few months and all his hopes have to be crushed to dust before the damn thing can drop.  Cat Murderer Terrorizes Naxxramas! Suspect Still At Large! Terrible things are afoot in Naxxramas! It seems we have a Cat Murderer on the loose!    Wait a minute....  Could it be?  Valkie wasn't the murderer all along???    Stay tuned for more poo-related things. |
The title .. such pressure! Something about our mighty e-peen and beating some pasty spider wench in Naxx? Getting Maesomething the spiderwhore to 15%? Insulting Digo for not updating tonight? Patriotic title since it's the 4th of July? Independance Day of Faerline Bitchslapping, Maexxna Molesting, & Digo Eviscerating It's 5:25am and i've been drinking heavily. So I will take this opportunity to a) bash the people i'd normally compliment (digo) b) compliment the people i'd normally bash (blizzard) c) praise the people i'd normally curse (GMs) ZOMG SPLEH GONE SOFT, THE HORROR! So, in order.. Digo, we killed a boss tonight. We got another to 15%. This is pure e-peen material right here. We should be updating news, bashing those below us and asserting our superiority according to the uber-guild bylaws. Why the hell haven't you updated already?! Focus your lazy eye on the news, forget about the scabies, remove your genitals from the myspace whore, and get to news updating already!@$! I resent Digo for this .. normally I have months to collect screenshots and manipulate them so they support my argument or berate the most kind person. This spur of the moment crap is for the birds (pigeons). Since I didn't screenshot any of this, you'll have to trust me. Dolores the cutest gnome) will vouch for my integrity, I swear! oh oh! Wait, I got one screenshot!!!!  Blizzard .. Naxx is good. Not only good, it's great so far. It's fun, it's challenging, and not over the top like AQ was. Maexxna's room is a perfect example of quality work by your graphic and developer teams. This is a great balance of graphical talent and game design, with a good balance of progression thrown in. Blizzard, buy them an extra stripper and pound of cocaine next week please. Game Masters (GMs). Most of them are mindless drones, that type out pre-canned lines that are statistically determined to please the masses (reduce liability). They listen to my problems, no matter how serious, with the same level of emotional detachment each and every time. It doesn't matter if I am reporting that the server room is on fire, or if the geography lets me get stuck behind a rock. The cliff notes is "blah blah we're pretending to be interested" and move on to the next petition. It ends with something like "blah blah satisfaction, email someone about your experience with GM" and I always ignore it, because they just aren't helfpul or knowledgeable about the game. Hint: Hiring people that have never played the game is a MISTAKE, and yet you do it still (info from my elite Blizzard insider!). This time, I wish I had taken note so I coul mail you. Since someone at Blizzard will read this, PLEASE forward this to the right people. The GM "Rhiethurn" is a GREAT example of the kind of person you should hire. I've been doing this MMORPG insanity for seven years now, and s/he is one of less than five GMs I can say this about. Experience or not, this person *gets it*. Please, give them a raise, a day off, a handjob .. whatever you do to reward good employees .. give him/her everything you can. Rhiethurn, if your slave masters don't understand or reward you, please, from the bottom of my black heart, accept my sincere thanks for making my night enjoyable.      Now, on for the usual guild mayhem... THIS IS CASUAL    (posting this unedited before digo does! fuckin slacker!)  (yes, we are the worst guild in history! oh, can I post the other screenshots of our previous conversations? please?!)  (Ashk and the infamous banana hammock, ask her about them!)  (ni haos bitchez!)  (killing frogs, turtles or other amphibious wildlife, don't kill it, if you want to stay in guild.)  (Duma farms, and sucks cock for gold.) ------------------------------ (Going Postal with Spleh)    I'd like to thank the letter K, the number 5, and the seemingly endless box of wine in my fridge. Put there by Turnip, I promise. |
World of Warcraft is more than a game. It is a vast social setting that truly defines 'melting pot'. People from all walks of life take hours out of their day to log in and go adventuring. Along with the doctors, lawyers, computer technicians, sales associates, sanitation engineers and bus drivers, you also have your alchoholics (Digo), floozies (Turnip), strippers (Burglecutt), porn stars (Kapella), hitmen (Kaynen), farmers (Duma) and laboratory test subjects (Cephid). Add to the mix the morons, clueless dickholes and every other form of cretin, and the game proves to be an interesting place.  What happens when you throw in all of those people, mix in a dose of ADD and illicit drugs, and drop their collective IQ by 60? You get why the LFG channel sucks. Everyone has quirks, it's just human nature. Some people though, seem to have complete tunnel vision at times. For example, this one warrior named Creampuff on BDF has a fetish for Balinda in Alterac Valley. What makes matters worse, is that he is under some illusion that there is basically no other reason to be there.  Since the game is now global, you may find yourself exposed to other cultures. Casual is truly a multinational guild filled with 'roo fuckers (Reiss), chinks (Duma), frogs (Arloma), homos (Binks) and eskimos (Pronx). It is essential that you learn to be sensitive to other cultures and show respect for customs and languages other than your own.      Also keep in mind, not everyone has the ability to 'look cool' by pimping the snazzy gear. If you see an undead rogue zoom by on an oversized kodo while wearing a yellow and blue tabard with a lobster on it, there is a good chance he doesn't subscribe to the philosophy that he can only excel in game if he wears all black and has a name with "kill" or "blade" in it.  ------------------------------ Bestest Name of the Day:  (Crabtech, you are truly a legend among Casual. We're already lobbying to have a Bud Light Real American Hero song composed in your honor.) Bug of the Day:  (While you're at it, make some of the Naxx screamers/yellers moan instead.) Guilds of the Day:    ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)     >  What is it with beggars and their feeling of entitlement..  I wish i had a fraps of the entire scholo run with him and his friend..  (But not a Valkie)  (Hey Blazzing Saddles this is X can i get a guild invite. Seems easy enough!) Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)  (Now when you ask her about Chicago Steamers and Upper Deckers, she can give you the info!)  Don't let this fool you, the officers really do care about what you have to say.  Taloola would know.  The answer was "a warm bowl of black rabbit cock".  Not that his DKP standing is a guild joke or anything..  She apparently didn't like our application process. Or her own life.   Kapella is still new to the whole 'cyber' thing..    And without the moonfire..  "Cornucopia of Ass" (c)(tm)(r) Digo Enterprises   Ask Valkie about his adventures in RFC some time.   If you wondered how we really beat C'thun.. Some people may think that the quotes appearing on the news are just hand picked to make us seem goofy. Let me assure you, this is not the case.   ------------------------------ Time to share some of my postal adventures..  
   ------------------------------ Need help?  |
 The Cobra Kai Invade Naxxramas!  Valkie was minding his own business in Naxxramas when these assholes came out of nowhere and picked on him. (Mace rogue = gay) Being the zen masters that we are, we would not resort to violence, because if Pat Morita has taught us anything, it is that self-control is the paragon virtue of any successful raiding guild. So Kaynen and Valkie went back to have a chat with Sensei John Kreese about his boys' bad behavior.  In true B-movie villain style, he was not overly warm or receptive.  Why does this always happen? Why can't we make things dead at a reasonable hour? God knows how many relationships we've ruined from uttering the phrase "I'll come to bed in a few minutes, honey!" We were fucking pissed, so much so that even the Deathknight Understudies sat up and took notice.  This man did not have Chipotle for lunch. Last pull of the night...  There is a technical term for what happened next: Knocked the fuck out.  (Wax on, wax off, Valkie san.) Server first.  What's a nerubian? Seeing how no one in our guild had test server experience, the victory was not entirely painless.      Ask and ye shall receive! How else can I explain our success?  Maybe it was the return of Kiwiberry!  He's a warrior in one of the top alliance guilds on Black Dragonflight. So all the naysayers and negative nancies can choke on it. How does it feel to know that Kiwiberry is more successful in the game than you are? Fuck. I forgot to format this screenshot. You can just click the link I guess. It's work safe. Basically, I am an asshole raid leader and will kick people from the raid for sucking. Could be worse, I guess. Bag could be having wet dreams about me or something.  He must be popular in the locker room, having no gag reflex. Casual and friends on pick up groups:   More fans! We didn't even kill these guys in the arena.  How is this even possible?  More wackiness in a couple days after we crane kick some more bosses. This update brought to you by our hero, Ralph Macchio.  |
Forcible Intercourse* Snake Down! *Wouldn't want to get anyone in trouble at work, now would I?   The loot!  Keae will now be addressed as "Pimp Hand" Keae. Failure to do so will result in a ban. Other ban-worthy offenses, per Burglecutt:   It really shouldn't have taken us this long to kill him, but to be honest, we only had like three real nights of attempts. For those working on him, the key to this fight is understanding exactly how sand blast works. Figure that out, and he becomes a thousand times more manageable. Now if you ask, I may or may not tell you depending on how many beers I have in me, which, considering a horizon full of wipes in 1.11, is quite likely. We have a lot of women in the guild, which may or may not have a correlation to my whiskey-soaked liver.  Can you imagine if they actually had an all-women raiding guild? Lots of crying and yelling in vent. Secret channels within secret channels for backstabbing purposes. Fierce bidwars the likes of which the gaming world has never seen, all because a robe was really, really cute. A 37% increase in the value of Ben & Jerry's shares. Speaking of women, ladies, Burglecutt and I will be making a cross-country tour this summer.  If you are reasonably attractive, scabie-free, live near one or more fine Chipotle Mexican Restaurants, and have wi-fi, go ahead and email me. I may or may not even post it on our front page. Yes, you read that correctly. Scabie-free. Since my life serves little purpose but to amuse you jackals, I figure I might as well offer a word of warning to the fellas out there. Next time you meet a pretty girl, don't worry so much about whether or not she's on the pill or seeing someone else, but for the love of christ, make sure she doesn't have fucking scabies. Also, I figured since we were talking about bugs and giant tunnelling sandworms, it was a topical item of discussion. I'd been in agony for a week, scratching constantly with no idea what ill had befallen me. Could it be that Jamaican voodun I crossed back in 97? God smiting me with vengeance? I had no idea but oh christ did it itch. So finally, two weeks later, I was finally able to get a doctor appointment after navigating the labyrinth of my HMO (word to the wise: fuck HMOs, get a PPO) and receive proper medical attention. It took all of thirty seconds for the smoking hot nurse to identify my ills. "WHAT? I HAVE SCABIES?!! WHAT MEDIEVAL QUACKERY IS THIS?" She nodded insouciantly. "It's not uncommon. You probably got it from sex, or the gym or something." So much for hooking up with the hot nurse. As my roommate -- who would later fall prey to this HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS malady (HAHAHAHA, this is what you get for laughing at me, asshole) -- put it, "This is the 21st century! Who the fuck gets scabies?" Me, apparently. And my roommate. And his girlfriend... Tee-hee. Anyway, back to the update.  I'm convinced Crabtech is the new Chuck Norris based on the sheer awesomeness of his name alone. Ouro is a pretty fun fight once you realize that being a rogue doesn't necessarily entail 10+ minutes of bow shooting and connect 4. We did suffer quite a few early deaths, however. Valkie, bitched incessantly that no one healed us. Secretly, I think he and Griefer just wanted to die and get it over with so they'd have more time to play connect 4. I tried to explain that the healers had other priorities. You know, triage. Fortunately, Trilly was on hand to clarify.   Valkie, being bottom for the priests won't get you any more heals.  Random Dolores accosting.  I endorse these guys.  Speaking of endorsements, Casual recently started an affirmative action where we actively recruit minorities in the online community including gays, French Canadians, and single non-insane available hot girls. (Still have an opening for that, by the way.) Fortunately, we've got our queer quota filled and our croissant-eater needs satisfied. Meet Arloma, one of our incredibly skilled paladins. Seriously, the guy is top-notch, but sometimes decrypting his guildchat or tells can be a task worthy of an NSA cryptologist.  If anyone can figure that out, let me know. I think it was complimentary. Maybe. GOOD SUGGESTION.  Being a guild full of addictive personalities participating in an inherently addictive, compulsive hobby, the conversation often turns to drugs and other safe, family activities.  This is your druid on drugs.  Just what you want to hear from your C'thun healer.  Asmo of Relentless had a great idea.   Speaking of addictive behavior, Valkie discovered the Battle Tonks at the Darkmoon Faire a couple weeks ago. We haven't seen him on a raid since. Last we heard, he was huddled against a post somewhere in the barrens, muttering about flamethrowers and dripping with a cold sweat.  Random Badger Fact #918  Fucking zombie badgers! Oh, that reminds me. I was on my shaman alt skipping merrily through the Barrens...  ...happy as fat girl at Hometown Buffet when something caught my eye. A pack of helpless, slow-moving gazelles!  I'd sooner roll around in Scabie Wench's sheets again than vote Republican, but something tells me Neji might be from a red state.  Burglecutt making fun of Gasmask for being a vegetarian.  To this day, we aren't sure if Kaynen was kidding.  We still don't know what he does for a living and some of us have known him for damn near 6 years. He's probably a cleaner or boondock saint or something equally badass. I've also known Pron for about that long and he still manages to surprise me.   Our fucking priests. Check your buffs next raid. Don't trust the bastards.  The day is mine, oh sexually expired buffer of weak fortitude!  We're pretty tolerant of non-raiding, casual gamers.  Wunderheal and Melpomene are lovers. Strangely, they announced an urgent, simultaneous afk tonight, right in the middle of the raid. Are you assuming what we were assuming? I bet you are.  We're pretty excited about the upcoming release of Guitar Hero 2. It may hurt our raid attendance, so if you're looking to join Casual, keep an eye on the front page. Burglecutt may also be looking to fill in for any major lead guitarists in major rock and roll bands. His Guitar Hero skills are the stuff dreams are made of. He's got style, too.  I try to stay positive while leading raids and this is what I get in return.  Himeko shares random facts about the national Canadian beaver.  You'd think that a year after release, people would have acclimated to the culture and social norms of MMORPGs...  Duma works magic with photoshop, except this picture kind of makes my face look fat.      Oh, also, I told Dispholidus I'd put something in here, one of his funny quotes or something, but I lost the ones I had on my old computer. Besides, Disco Steve doesn't need to advertise. |
HAY GUYS, HYJAL HAS NEW FORUMS. Tired of the shit on a shingle official forums? Weary from the oppression of being unable to call deserving people fuckhats and cockwallets? Look no more, for the Uberguilds Network is proud to present http://wowserverforums.com The address for the new Hyjal boards is here: Hyjal Server Forums  Cephid, the world's greatest and most OCD druid has returned. Artwork coutesy of Duma, or as he demands to be called "Commander RangRang." After a brief stint away from the game and returning to the mudflated world of Everquest, our prodigal son has returned, and frankly, his timing is impeccable because we have a giant punchbowl full of M&Ms that need to be sorted according to color.  People are always asking me how our guild is so successful. They assume it's because we're all real life friends. They're half right.  When your entire raid is sitting around in the basement of a cement bunker in the middle of the desert, and you threaten them with mandatory suicide for failure, the results can be spectacular. Most of the time. This is actually our fourth iteration of Casual with new cultis.... MEMBERS taking over the characters every time. Trilly is not actually Trilly. Trilly is the fourth iteration of a systemic anomaly which even in the course of my best calculations, we failed to eliminate. (Read: he won't drink the fucking Kool-Aid.) Trilly remakes the game as he sees fit, which explains his disgusting DPS numbers.  And now, for a glimpse behind the curtain where all the magic happens! Gasmask on spacing during the C'thun fight.  C'thun is a revolutionary encounter because every death is significant. If you go into phase two with more than 2 or 3 people dead, chances are, you're fucked. Furthermore, in 99% of cases, every death is preventable, so up-and-coming guilds, heed my advice: If people make up elaborate stories about how they died, they are lying. I hope we get more fights like this in Naxxramas so we can continue weeding out retards.  I'm a big fan of well-played druids. Sadly, not everyone shares my enthusiasm for our yiffing friends.   People have been asking us what we think of Naxxramas. Does this answer your question?  We get a lot of people that offer to re-roll on Hyjal and join our glorious ranks. In 99% of the cases, the answer is piss off. Take the following joker for example. This guy insisted to me that he and 5 of his close friends were all the TOP PLAYERS on Malygos. Ooh! Malygos!  Hey, idiots. If you're the top players, why are you looking to scrap your characters and start over on a full server with queue times playing with people you don't even know. "Explaining your situation?" I don't give a flying monkey fuck about your situation. Our own situation is bad enough.  Does anyone else have this problem with their guild? Ever get the feeling that half your raid is watching TV or playing Xbox or masturbating instead of focusing on the situation at hand? We've one-shotted C'thun before, but other nights, we spend 3 hours dying in new and creative ways while I drink myself to death. My neighbors are convinced I have tourette's syndrome. I discovered a magnificent liquor store not but five minutes from my townhouse. The place is cavernous. I have to restrain myself from skipping through the front door every time I go, which is basically every other day. To help ease the pain, many of us play a new game called "open a new beer every time we wipe." I highly recommend it. The MS Paint strategies we concoct as the night wears on become masterpieces of modern art. But mostly they just have poorly drawn pictures of squirting penises and arrows pointing in every direction.  Of course, some of us don't need alcohol to make ourselves dumber.  Hey, Isith, Murr has a secret for you!  You may be wondering how I got a screenshot of Murr in a raid, seeing how he is an orc rogue in Fires of Heaven on a completely different server.  Or how I got a screenshot documenting the prelude to Lelaniel intentionally pulling four flame packs over the raid to test a mod. The answer is Neon Angry Moles. We go raiding sometimes with our friends on Black Dragonflight. What is Neon Angry Moles, you may ask?  Couldn't have said it better myself. Speaking of life on a pvp server.  Turnip makes up the bestest words. Fucknodule. I think she meant fucknoodle, but whatever.   Leveling up new characters on PVP servers full of bored level 60s whose own guilds can't get past Vaelastrasz until they raise the level cap is awesome. Guys, you don't get honor. You don't get standing. You can't even smack talk because they're the opposite faction. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?  But Digo, you might say, weren't you the guy that griefed lowbies in the arena for weeks on end last year? Well yeah, but they were all alliance, so I could smacktalk them while I did it. If I can't watch you work up into a seething fit of emo frenzy while I repeatedly kill you, it's not worth doing. Krysten sent me this awesome picture of some random emo kid on myspace. I can't stop laughing.  The real reason no one wants AQ loot.  This comment prompted a half-hour debate over whether or not Garfield was gay. I say of course he was fucking gay. He had Nermal the world's cutest kitten over at his house all the time and never once showed the slightest interest in fucking her little pink kitty hole. Then someone discovered this bit of information from Wikipedia, the greatest website in the history of mankind. # Nermal: A cute gray kitten who's the self-proclaimed "World's Cutest Kitten". Nermal seems kind and playful, but likes to annoy Garfield and brag about how much cuter he is. Garfield often attempts (usually unsuccessfully) to mail him to Abu Dhabi as a result. HE? NERMAL IS A HE? WHAT THE FUCK? Once my "friend" went to San Francisco for a weekend. He and his buddy ended up dancing at some club where they met these incredibly hot chicks. Turns out, these chicks had dicks, which kind of baffled my friend. I mean, she had no Adam's apple. She had hips. A tiny waist. Soft skin. She looked, sounded, and felt like a girl. But she had a penis. So what did he do? He kept dancing with "her" and her friend the whole night. My friend is not known for his temperance either, so he may or may not have been under the influence of half a dozen double whiskey sours. To this day he swears all he did was dance, but no one believes him. And no, this is not me, but it's funnier if I insinuate it could have been me. Thanks for wondering, you fucking jackals. I had lunch with Britney Spears the other day. Turns out she plays a night elf hunter on Hyjal. Her response when she found out I was Digo:  Apparently I killed Britney Spears in the arena one time or something. And now for a warning. Do not attempt to cyber Bitsee.  Women don't trust me or something.  It's not that I'm a womanizer. I'm just indecisive. Guys, you know what I mean, right? Disco does! My mom gives me shit because I keep dating smokers. She says, "Second hand smoke will kill you!" And I say, "Geez, mom. The syphilis will kill me LONG before the cancer does." She's so worried all time. Woman needs to get back upstairs and make me some meatloaf.  ">Thank God I have Dolores Gnome the Cutest Gnome to write me songs when I'm blue.  Knowing Dvorake, I think this is real and not one of those "oh ha ha guys, look at my mistell!" moments.  I fucking hate people. Thankfully, the game mechanics do give me little opportunities to fuck with them.  Speaking of idiots, we broached the subject of one my ex-girlfriends the other night between C'thun wipes. I was watching Snatch with this girl, and during the scene where the black guys try to stick up Bullet Tooth Tony with a replica, I'm giggling while my ex is sitting there looking puzzled. A few moments later, a dawning moment of comprehension washes over her face and she says "Ohhhh! Replicas aren't real?"  Aquasheepa talks about one of his "roommates."  Spleh lives in the ghetto not because he can't afford anywhere better, but because you don't really need TV when every evening the community is like a live broadcast episode of COPS.  And now, for a moment of unrelated comments that result in hilarity.   Trilly is funny.  And now, to end the update, I'm going to make fun of stupid people. I got this mail the other day:  Silly newbies. Still, curiosity got the better of me and I checked the link in his note: Hilarity. I'm not sure who these people are, exactly, but the unintentional hilarity I discovered within was grand.  And boy did they have good advice.  Let's read that again: I use a rogue because you hit hard and can go stelth which makes you invisable to your enemies. HOLY SHIT. THAT'S WHY I PLAY A ROGUE, TOO. We need this guy to write the authoritative guide on pvp. Some retard on the Wii.  Wait a minute, this guy might not be too bright. I almost missed it, but caught it at the last second with the DragonBall Z reference in his name. Whew. That was close. What kind of idiot gets furious over the name of a video game console system? The same people that call in to vote on American Idol 37 times a night? I hate people.  Depth. It has depth. |
BREAKING NEWS Dolores Gnome the Cutest Gnome is still not flagged for BWL, Onyxia, or MC. If anyone is running groups to complete these heroic quests, please, contact Dolores Gnome the Cutest Gnome at your earliest convenience. Dolores Gnome the Cutest Gnome will be so sad if she is not flagged. She could also use about 639 gold for an epic mount, too. Anyway, we killed C'thun too.  I sort of forgot to put it on FFA loot. Oops. We would have killed him earlier but Trilly's computer died two weeks ago. It is a scientific fact that Trilly is the highest DPS rogue in all of WoW.  Earlier this evening, Valkie Gnome, the self-proclaimed "Greatest Bug Racer to Ever Live" released this statement: "I have officially retired from Casual to form the Hyjal Bug Racing Association." So I guess we are recruiting another rogue. Send tells to me if you're interested. I knew I said we'd never recruit rogues again, but I guess miracles never cease. You should be specced for improved expose armor and hemorrhage. Excellence in the field of bug racing will improve your chances.  Cephid came back from EQ when he heard we were playing with tentacles. His furry friends were sad to see him go.  Charis' father is a Vietnamese voodoo shaman or something.  I'd probably make more fun of him for this, but seeing how I once had an out of body experience during a muay thai fight in Vegas, I guess I shouldn't judge. No, really. I had an out of body experience and it didn't involve illegal drugs or alcohol. Spleh and Turnip had a lovely Cinco De Mayo, which celebrates the Mexicans' invention of chimichangas.  If your guild is working on C'thun, you probably use the C'thun Warner mod. Basically, what it does is put a dot on your screen and tells you who is too close for comfort (i.e. - which retard is likely to kill you). Some people need it more than others.   I'm not sure who he was talking about but I think it might be Bitsee. What kind of person licks hot sauce off their hand? Teleyn is going to marry this broad. Should he be worried? I'm going to the wedding and acting as a groomsman some time in August, which may or may not involve putting my finger in one of her bridesmaid's butts during the reception. I'll be sure to get a picture for you guys.  Melia of FOH and I were talking about Mother's Day.  So on Mother's Day I met up with The Fam, ate Chinese Food, taught the basics of lightsaber swordsmanship to my disgustingly cute four-year old nephew, and got drunk with my four brothers. My mom was inside in the kitchen much of the afternoon, and didn't understand why I kept yelling "MOM! THE MEATLOAF. WE WANT IT NOW. FUCK." "But Digo" she said, "you don't even like meat loaf." I don't even know what she's doing in there.  I can't wait for Naxxramas. Naked necrophiliac twister.  Okay, serious question: do girls technically have a taint? There's such a small margin of skin between poon and anus that I'm not sure it qualifies. I think you can't really call something a legitimate body part unless it could be pierced with stainless steel. The Turnip Questing System.  Valkie...   |
 Keep a leash on your ADD members.  Which led to some important discoveries...  C'thun is a pretty awesome fight. If this is any indication of the raid game to come, I'm excited. You can bring almost any group composition and succeed. Spec isn't important. But the best part is, you really get to isolate the retards in your guild. You can't really shift blame in this fight. If you screw up, it's obvious. And if you screw up repeatedly, well, Burglecutt has a hair trigger on the gkick.    Of course, some things can always go wrong.      There, now we have officially exhausted the hentai, tentacle rape, and otherwise deviant jokes made possible by this zone. When Naxxramas comes out in 1.11, maybe we can go back to necrophilia and Rob Zombie films. Who knows. In other news, Keae has been pretty normal and well-adjusted lately.  Typically, we one-shot Nefarian and make it look like a joke. However, if a priest call happens around 5%, the outcome can be questionable.  The last thing you want to hear from your healer on the Twin Emperors. (PS - Relentless folk, it's spelled E-M-P-E-R-O-R.)  Reiss is usually pretty even-tempered for being the descendent of criminally insane sheep-fuckers, aka Australians.  There's a new film coming out this summer called BUG DEATHRACE 3000 starring Valkie Gnome, the most bold and daring bugracer alive.   But sometimes, even demi-gods have accidents.   Valkie can actually be pretty funny sometimes.   A few of our members work for ISPs. Sometimes, it pays to be a geek.   Call the FBI, we just solved the case of the New Kids on the Block Rapist.  Obligatory Stragi screenshot.  Neon Angry Moles is growing on Black Dragonflight. If you think you have what it takes to be a furious mammal, let us know. We are accepting applications, particularly shamans and druids.  Things could always be worse. You could have a tiny tropical fish swim up your peehole.  And now, it's... Time For Some Toast With Turnip! Turnip on the newbie guilds and their celebratory practices.   Turnip the tactician.  Radish (her evil priest alternate ego) and her animal friends.  |
Greenstone, famous druid of the Arena Days is all hot and bothered on the Hyjal Boards! You can read about his big announcement to everyone here. And just in case he decides to delete it in a moment of shame... I'll preserve it here. This thread is 150% awesome. It's like a coming out party, or something. Check it out, I made you a flag!  Druid Pride! I mean, back in the days when we camped the chest, I used to beat up on lil' Greenstone and make him feel bad about being himself. Poor lil' druid was so hurt he'd put me on ignore and run off sulking, crying to the rest of the zone and anyone who'd listen about what a jerk I was. But no more! Greenstone is all grown up and comfortable in his own skin. He will choose his spec however he wants and no one can tell him otherwise because he's proud of who he is. Greenstone wrote: There are dozens of decent guilds. I am in a great guild now, and so far no issues. Also before you apply to that guild, interview them, make sure their leader doesn't have qualms about your spec, if he does explain why he doesn't understand the class and put him on ignore. (Druids main talent is shapeshifting not healing.) You're absolutely right! And as the raid leader of Casual (just a SUPER-friendly guild!) I want all the ... alternative-choice druids out there to know that I support your lifestyle! I just don't trust you to cook my meals, teach my children, heal my raid, or even nuke my mobs. I mean, we only keep Charis around as a running joke. So go ahead. Put me on ignore! I am obviously a narrow-minded bigot who doesn't see you for the worthles... SPECIAL person you are! |
 Bunnies and happiness you say?  Behold! C'thun! Old God resurrected from his endless dream of chaos! Behold the Destructor who whispers madness into your ear like: YOUR FRIENDS ... WILL NOT LOG IN. ALL YOUR LOOT ... DISENCHANTED. Or how about a a gigantic sandwurm that goes RAAAARWRRORORRRRRRRRRR and blasts your face off with scorching hot sand that tears the flesh from your bones, leaving your corpse for the bugs to pick apart? Does that work?  After solidly placing the Twin Emperors on farm status, we've begun the arduous process of learning the "optional" content in AQ. And by optional, I mean, with E3 coming up, the designers haven't had time to adequately tune the encounters to ensure their difficulty is commensurate with their risk vs. reward.  Oh, our single-file exploit still works in AQ. We didn't really kill the emps.  Actually, this is my favorite screenshot from my combat log. You see, you have 15 minutes to kill the Emperors before they enrage and go apeshit. We were a bit light on dps that night, so we cut it a bit close. About 1 second close.  With all the stink recently generated about C'thun being unfinished, Xi from Death and Taxes flinging about irony-laden ultimatums, and the general malaise of WoW's end-game, I thought I'd offer my own perspective on the situation. There is a difference between broken and fucked-up content. Broken would be unbeatable because the game mechanic simply did not work. Imagine if Vael's essence of the red gave you no bonuses. That would be an unbeatable fight. Broken means it simply is not working. It is literally impossible. C'thun is fucked-up, not broken. (Remember Razorgore 2.0 when the dragonspawns were uncapped and you could get 15 dragon spawns in 2 minutes? That's what I'm talking about. Beatable if the stars were aligned properly, but not impossible!) The digestive acid debuff in the stomach during phase 2 no longer has the "friendly to the armies of c'thun" component which made it so that tentacles would not spawn in the stomach, nor would eyebeams hit you in there. Well, 1.10 bugged that and it lost the faction component. Or I could be wrong and it was intentional, but that would seem really, really stupid. Who knows. Like Gurgthock said, even if that were fixed, the encounter would still be unbeatable just because of the frequency of spawns, the difficulty of tentacles, etc. For example, giant tentacles spawn in phase 2 that hit for like 2k on plate. So what happens when your warrior gets eaten by a mouth-tentacle? It turns on whoever else was attacking it and destroys them. That's not broken, that's just way too fucking hard. People are misunderstanding what Furor is saying. He's not saying "it's fine learn to play." He's saying, this is not a cockblock like Plane of Earth B was in EQ. (See my earlier Vael example for an idea of what it was like -- totally fucking broken.) What he's saying is that it's not unbeatable, it's just extremely unlikely that anyone will beat it until it's tuned. This is not the same thing as being hopelessly fubar because of designer incompetence. Tuning end-game content is fucking hard because they have to work backwards. They make something that the internal testing team can't beat, so they think "hmm okay it should be ready for the light of day." It goes out and people can't beat it, or only a few people can beat it. So they re-evaluate it carefully (this is not to be rushed, and with good reason), then slowly scale it back and fuck with the numbers until the encounter is properly tuned. Xi is a hot-head with a big mouth. He's smart, but doesn't have designer perspective. The same could be said of Furor and Tigole when they were in his position. Very smart, but without designer perspective. Furor won't comment on anything now because he knows people can screenshot IRC chat and post it. He's smart. He's not going to risk his career out of some stupid sense of "sticking it to the man." It's a fucking video game, not an attack on the world trade centers. Hence, why I get really annoyed by all the conspiracy theories and cries of indignation. Now, why won't anyone make a statement? You'll notice it took them over a week to say anything when Onyxia was in fact breathing too much. They are very careful to make any kind of public statement because of the shit-storm that inevitably ensues when blue makes a post. Now, this is just my opinion. It is not fact. It's what I think is happening: Tigole genuinely did not know the acid lost the faction component. The raid team works at night. If he wants to see them test it, he has to wait around till 8pm+, and that's after he's been at the office since 7am. The man is a fucking machine. So I'm guessing there was a breakdown in communication somewhere. Now it's being retested and retuned by QA. When they get the numbers to a good position, they can release a fix to the encounter, probably during a Tuesday maintenance. They're not going to just willy-nilly throw out a change without testing it thoroughly at this point. They also won't post saying "Yeah we know our shit is messed up. Give us a sec." Imagine the shit-storm that would cause. Anyway, this is my guess and opinion. It is not fact. Anyway, on with the bunnies and happiness! Artists of WoW, this one is for you. A lot of people are generally discontent with the new look of AQ armor sets. Just the other day I was strolling around Ironforge when I ran into this:  Make your end-game armor look like this on females and you'll notice a marked increase in subscription retention. Trust me on this. Speaking of art, the new bear dances are disturbing. Disturbing like coming home from work to find your girlfriend fellating the cat.   This confirms my suspicions that there is inherently something wrong with anyone who voluntarily rolls a druid. Or a gnome. Dirty gnomes. Speaking of dirty gnomes, here's Valkie, our guild whipping boy.   Valkie is an awesome rogue when he doesn't charge into 4k uppercuts or exploding bugs. But he's needy. Very needy.   Oh, we need to mock Ultimacia while we're berating people. You see, every new member of Casual gets a nickname, because most names are unpronouncable and unwieldly when screaming at them in Ventrilo. Of course, this can create problems when the nickname sticks and a new member has no fucking idea who we're talking about when we tell them to "heal Sully." Examples of nicknames: Isithralia = Fred Dispholidus = Disco Dvorake = Sully Himeko = Hey, queer!  Pronx (the 'x' is silent) is a baker who loves children and Easter.  Teleyn on child-raising.  Meet Wunderheal and Melpomene, one of many happy couples in Casual.  The Anubisath Defenders are a great test for new applicants.  Not all apps meet our rigorous cultural standards.  Going over the Nefarian strat with new apps.  So Black Dragonflight opened up and a few of us transferred our horde alts. I met up with Sean of FoH and requested immediate membership. Apparently, he said something in guildchat about "No we are not inviting Digo's gay alt character." That cuts right to the bone, sir.  In other news, Neon Angry Moles lives again!  If you think you meet our strict mammalian requirements, apply today! And now, what you've all been waiting for, it's Time For Some Toast with Turnip.  Turnip (on her alt) discussing my poor choice of girlfriends.   |
Welcome to my mail bag! As with any type of e-mail box, it always seems to start with spam and scams. While the scam are definitely getting more complex, like the non WoW scams, they are typically done by morons. Yet time after time, people actually fall for it.  It's always refreshing to get unsolicted kink poetry months before V-day. Dunno about you but it gets my juices flowing. 
 Blizzard really needs to add this type of AI to help motivate guilds to beat new content. Receiving this after nights of wiping to Patchwerk was brilliant.  WoW is still the prime place for romance.  For the rest of you giving Valkie shit over righteous orbs, you can stop. We have since learned he can buy as many as he wants, especially with all the gold he skimmed from the Casual bank. Find new ways to torture the poor kid =(  |
It's unfortunate that Blizzard could not hire the Crabtech to design quests. I'm not sure if it is ironic or disturbing that the best quest line in the past twelve months has been one created by another player, but it has. Perhaps it is the fundamental allure of the crab?  This Crabtech saga goes back a long ways. Many moons ago I set out to pursue the life of a Crab Technician, so I sought out the one true Crab. He guided me to a set of adventures and quests to prove my loyalty to the crab. The adventure was full of danger and spies, all wanting to steal the secrets of the Crab.  After warding off the ill advances of those not loyal to the Crab Technician ways, I began my long lonely journey to prove myself worthy. By offering the Technican a healthy dose of Shellfish, I was able to gain an audience:  For those unfamiliar with Naxxramas, Mr. Bigglesworth is the first boss that guards the entrance, patrolling the immediate area for intruders. To kill Mr. Bigglesworth is to risk an eternity of suffering in Naxxramas with no prayer of escaping.  It was more difficult than you can imagine to defy the Crab Technician on the first quest, but it had to be done. Mr. Bigglesworth was a loyal guardian of Naxxramas and not an evil thug like Patchwerk.  Much to my satisfaction, I quickly learned that the Technician wa a crafty one, challenging young Crab Apprentives at every turn. The first real challenge was to prove yourself a master hunter and master chef.  As the dark legend hinted, the path of the Crab Technician was heavily rooted in knowing the ins and outs of the kitchen.  Days later I mustered the courage and fortitude to fufill this request. During my adventures I learned the hard way that any bowl of Spiced Chili Crab should not be eaten with a plastic spoon, so as not to jeapordize my ocular safety.  Moving on from culinary exploration, the Technician had me branch out to the role of Gnome Scientist and explorer.  Unfortunately, the Blizzard gods did not deem these lava crabs worthy of culinary delight or companionship. Fuckers.  Satisifed my research was complete, I eagerly awaited a reply.  By far the most difficult assignment, the chance and challenge of discovering the true meaning of the Crab. I spent weeks, maybe months, exploring all aspects of the Brachyura infraorder. I put everything I had into this challenge, foregoing food and drink for days at a time. After extensive research, I eventually discovered the one truth about the Crabs. They are eternal, and they are intense. The only way I could demonstrate this knowledge and learning period was to show my true appreciation for the Crab.  - Spleh - Junior Crab Technician |
To celebrate the big changes coming to our virtual lives.. a Spleh mega-news-update. This update is dedicated to Turnip, who makes me all tingly in the pants. [Redacted from the Casual News page by request.] Oh well, in honor of the somewhat forced move to the life of PVP, a special look at some of the highlights of the last six months of Hyjal battlegrounds! ------------------------------ Insipid Name of the Day:  Bonus points for honesty.  I know you can click on a name, but if it isn't on screen? Last person that will get a tell..  Makeup hunter? Closet queer. Insipid Guild Name of the Day:  Sounds French (and smelly), maybe that explains the retard factor?  Free tabard, sign me up!  He's blazzing alright. And tall.  The joy of fonts! Where a I and l look the same.  They have a tabard, sign me up!  Modesty, the one thing going for them.  Strict organization, spending most of your time in Warsong. "How to strip the fun out of WoW for 300 Alex"   Turnip's humor owns mine. Suggestion of the Day:  This is the type of silent nerf that is extremely annoying. One class (mage) has a way around the 'occasional' death due to the Gadgetzan transporter. So if you are a gnome mage engineer, and you use a reagent that is annoying to farm, you can avoid the death that MAY happen when using the gizmo with a four hour cooldown. Blizzard apparently deemed this overpowering, because this type of 'bug' can't be anything but intentional. If you are going to nerf this, FIX YOUR FUCKING RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR PLEASE. A 40% death rate using it is hardly 'occasional'.  A month later, still not fixed! The GM that answered had the nerve to tell me that this issue had not been brought to their attention and there were no bug reports filed regarding it. If GMs are going to ignore our petitions, fuck em.  Ask an you shall receive! To fix this, transfer to a PVP server. ------------------------------ Disclaimer: These screenshots were collected over the last six months. Take that into account! Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)  Almost as helpful as the tips of the day.  Kick him in the nuts, charge him 8 gold, call it an "inchant". How the hell would he know better?  Need a tank, healer and crowd control.. ALMOST THERE  Can I buy other things for free?  Kat likes long chats late at night, singing on Ventrilo, and to be called 'fuck puppet'. Send her a tell, or better, call her now.  Brave adventurer.     Maybe she can sing me a song about it..   This had to be a guildmate..    Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)  penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis  He's still recovering.   The more i's and l's, the more kids they've popped out too. Stay clear of Illyiililliana.  Watch it Sylaura, this kind of comment can get you sued!  (kerai is an ugly female, so she is stuck working at Express)  True, ask her about it.  (Insert joke about Druids or Binks here)  Digo has a new sig graphic.    Well worth it. *BOOM*  This time..   Raid rogue, challenge or no? Next on Geraldo.   Digo makes badger noises, that count?  But Ashk left..  U know, it's kind of ironic that Turnip did this.    Not sure who got owned here..    Trilly knows there is no spoon.  Life sucks when Valkie hands your ass to you. Digo, be ashamed.      What did I miss...  I think it is more like when I rub my penis against a cheese grater eight minutes past "excruciating" but to each their own.   This was taken before Nef had been killed.  Except the 15 minute bong hit. Guinness is on hold..  ------------------------------  FA > Casual for training skills.  Lesson: Priests, don't stand near rogues. I've got mail. |
I suppose this was a long time coming. After Blokk ebayed our guild bank and quit, we thought Casual was done. But we trudged onward under the leadership of Ashk, Cephid, Kais, Turnip and Selinar. Then they too got burned out by poor attendance, ungodly queue times, and sideways, unfinished boss encounters in Ahn'Qiraj. Still, we moved on. However, this time, forces majeur herald the end of Casual. Earlier this morning I got off the phone with Brad McQuaid of Sigil Games, the same people who brought you Everquest and who now labor diligently to bring you Vanguard: Saga of Heroes. Brad has personally extended our guild an invitation to beta-test Vanguard: Saga of Heroes until it is ready for launch, making sure it lives up to the hype, and meets the expectations of casual and hardcore gamers alike. But there's more. Since we are still under NDA, I'm not able to elaborate on the circumstances surrounding our agreement. However, I will say this, and Brad has personally cleared me to do so: you can quit your job when Vanguard is released. Most of Casual played Everquest, and our constant complaint was that it became a second job. Another 40-hour a week grind. Well, Sigil has taken this complaint and turned it into a blessing we hardly expected. Sigil has taken a revolutionary approach to the problem of selling virtual property for real-life currency. Playing the game itself will earn you cash. That's right. End-game raiders will be able to bring home six-figure incomes if they're on the cutting edge of content. How is this possible? Well, Sigil's publisher, Microsoft, has seen the future and let me assure you, it is bright for online gamers. Through in-game advertising and webcast programming, they are going to make this happen. Microsoft has partnered up with Time-Warner Media to make Vanguard a lucrative and exciting online sport. Korean kids playing Starcraft for money is small beans next to what Sigil has planned. It's going to be a while before Vanguard hits stores, but I assure you, this is something well worth the wait. Finally, you can quit your shitty office jobs and play MMORPGS for a living. The guild formerly known as Casual will be playing Vanguard as <Casual: Sponsored by the Coca-Cola Corporation.> Don't look at is selling out -- we're turning this into a billion dollar industry. See you in-game. - Digo |
  Hyjal server first, thanks to the dedication of my guild mates and my dear friend, Mr. Knob Creek.  They said it couldn't be done. Well you know what I say to that?  I am pro with photoshop, yes? By the way, if anyone can find a gayer picture of Vin Diesel, you have my blessing.  Last night, the Lord came to me in a dream. He said "Arise Reverend Digo, arise and lead My people to glorious victory. For I have placed the Chosen One among you." Can I get an Amen?  You see, my brothers and sisters, the signs were there. Angels moved all about us. For the Lord favors His faithful servants. His angels whisper in our ears, every hour of every night.  Can I get a Hallelujah?  Can I get a Praise Jesus?  And now, if you had any doubt about soccer not being the sport of homosexual communists, allow me to dispel them. You see, Andelle plays soccer for his University. Even the greatest of athletes are not exempt from the wrath of nature. Did the Lord not strike down Job with boils and afflictions? Yay, even so did he strike down Andelle with ass rot.  If that weren't enough evidence for the everlasting glory of our Lord, perhaps this will sway my brothers and sisters to repent their evil, licentitious ways and foreswear sinful, abominable, homosexual misdeeds.  Nor does the Lord condone idolatry, such as that committed by Britney Spears, the wicked whore of Babylon and her anti-christ child. Gaze upon this statue, my people. Gaze upon hubris and depravity incarnate.   If you haven't heard by now, these statues were fashioned as a blasphemous testament to the birth of Britney Spears' child. This terrible perversion mocks our faith. And the sculptor will surely burn in hell for fraud, because that statue is supposed to show how Britney got the baby OUT, not IN. As Mr. Tucker Max has written, I would dearly love to buy two of those statues and adorn the entrance to my estate with their magnificence. I bet it would cut down on Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons. Sin. More sinfulness.   When will you jackals stop besmirching the honor of my beloved sister? Coveting moral possessions is also a great sin. This is why RangRangs and all their heretical ilk are destined for the pit and everlasting fires of hell.  When Duma took that crossbow, it was a confirmation of his status as a sinner. My brothers and sisters, just as we should put on the armor of righteousness and wield the sword of God, so do Satan's children take up their arms. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a RangRang to get into heaven. The sinner Bag and all his ungodly Furry ways wins the Out of Context screenshot award.  Casual recently recruited a bunch of new people. Sadly, rogues were not among those we brought into our glorious ranks. But fear not! There is hope! Attention: all potential rogue applicants. This following image will be the test of your worthiness.  But never mind Trilly's poor grammar. What he meant to say was, "If a mothafuckin rogue wants to join mothafuckin Casual, the mothafucka has to out-DPS me on a full Molten Core clear." The gauntlet has been thrown down. All you poor sinners may be wondering if there is hope. Well indeed there is. As Jesus said "suffer the little children unto me," so do we suffer simple creatures into the light of heaven and everlasting glory. Consider Himeko.  Pride is bad.  So is crushing the dreams of your friend and raid leader. Bastard dispels my squirrelly joy every time.  And now, to foster the spirit of healthy competition, I would like to send out this message to Iorek, the erstwhile leader of Forgotten Aspects who fancy themselves the finest guild on Hyjal. Actually, I don't know what that challenge is, I just wanted to post a picture of my crotch and in my best Sean Connery voice say SUCK IT, IOREK.  Can I get an Amen? |
BREAKING NEWS: QUEUE IS ONLY 200 ON HYJAL. BUT WE STILL CAN'T LOG IN. DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN. TACO BELL NOW SERVING CHALUPAS. Rediscovering Onyxia and doing it properly.  We're still on the cutting edge of content.  And most certainly unbiased, equal-opportunity PVPers.  Who says the loot in AQ isn't worth the effort? Take a gander at the breathtaking fashion combinations assembled by our in-house designers.   This news update has little to do with anything, so I thought we could just focus on the lives less ordinary of our guild members. Recently, Krysten and Teleyn had their one-year anniversary.  I don't get why she was so upset. With zone art inspired by goatse, I can't understand why anyone wouldn't be excited to spend their first anniversary wiping over and over to the twin emperors of Ahn'Qiraj. Hey, Anowene. You know how I know you're gay?   Himeko needs a girlfriend.  Seriously. If you're a Canadian girl and enjoy tentacle rape, you should PM him on our boards. He's educated, submissive, and best of all, uses George Foreman's Lean, Mean, Grilling Machine like nobody's business. Ardalla would put Joey Greico of CHEATERS to shame.  I found out later the site he was browsing was "Ferret Stuffers XXL." Trilly likes to keep us up on important current events.  So I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. Before I started dating her back in December, I'd been seeing this girl named Stephanie. Stephanie was not the brightest monkey in the barrel and couldn't seem to correlate my failure to return her hundreds of phone calls and emails with the end of our relationship. Naturally, she began haunting everyone else I knew via Myspace. Friends, acquaintances, parole officers -- it didn't matter. If they knew me, she would find them. Onslaughts of stupid e-cards and hotlinked gifs. Random e-mails sharing her most profound secrets. This girl was 100% batshit crazy. A friend linked me to this on my recent ex's myspace profile.  In other news, the queues and general malaise of WoW's end-game slowly takes its toll.  Someone sent me this from another guild's private forums.  Flagg on Princess Huhuran.  Have you applied to our guild, or know someone that has? Want a bit of insight on our always objective application process? Valkie on Gasmask as an app.  And now, Time for Toast with Turnip. After a month of raiding AQ, Turnip unfailingly manages to get lost on her way down to find the raid. There are other ... complications.  After her last tortilla chip accident which resulted in her swallowing a liter of her own blood, Turnip is back in action, braving Mexican cuisine once again.  Turnip is a great healer.  Lastly, two seemingly unrelated comments.  |
After much bitching...  And plenty of moaning...  Princess Huhupants is dead.   Click here for the greatest victory ever. Devoit on itemization.  You know how Jay Leno does the "headlines" segment and prints silly headlines that somehow made it past the editor? Well, I have to wonder how the zone design in AQ made it past the producers.  Or maybe they sat around giggling and heartily endorsed it. I don't know. Speaking of art, it came to our attention that Spleh is something of an artist. Specifically, he likes to draw geyser-like penises on the paper tablecloths when he and Turnip go out for sushi.   Normally, all this talk of cock would send Binks on a quick AFK, but for some reason, the idea of paper tablecloths launched him into a tirade.  So now that Watson and I are raid leaders, the general tone of raids has changed.    After implementing Flagg's patented Gold Star� system, healers do their job with gusto. Who needs Jewish mother guilt when you have Gold Stars?  We now enjoy 72% more engrossing discussions of film and politics.  Quite a few of our members have military backgrounds. I'd like to think their experiences in the armed forces have contributed to our success and work ethic. Trilly and Watson on the airforce:   Snarky bastards.  We started playing games to lighten up the downtime.  But it seems our regime change has not been without its conspiracies!  The best part of having new officers is that they can pronounce 'melee' correctly. We now dock DKP for those that pronounce it incorrectly.  In the wake of all the sexuality hullabaloo on the forums, and Blizzard's recent decision to repeal their OH MY GOD THERE IS NO SAYING SEX IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT, don't ask, don't tell policies, Neji decided it was time for coming out.   The happy couple and the wedding party.  This shouldn't be much of a surprise, considering Neji posted explicit pictures of his penis on our forums.   Oh! You might be wondering who this 'Boing' person is. During the Valentine's Day holiday content, Thumbeleena discovered that it was 10 times more efficient to just make level 1 humans, run them to Stormwind, and get buff-giving chocolates over and over again, rather than just wait on the debuff timer. So after a few hours of repetitive clicking, he somehow deleted his level 60 rogue main. Being the mature, supportive individuals we are, we rushed to his aid.  A few hours later, the helpful GMs restored his character, but it seemed that some unscrupulous individual had taken the name 'Thumbeleena.' What jerks. Adapting to our friend's new name wasn't much of a problem, as we offered constant reminders of the mishap.  Cephid is taking a break from WoW. :(  I've started a petition on our General forums to get Cephid to start playing again. You should post here and show him your support! More death by Badger.  Please welcome Bitsee to the guild. She is a 4th grade teacher with all kinds of stories about why our educational system is a disaster. Not only does she have a boner-inducing voice, but she's a complete deviant as well.   Watson is a true friend and always offers advice when you need it.     And now, I'd like to introduce the Casual Out-of-Context Screenshot Contest! Today's contestants:    |
 Have you outgrown your current guild? Do you also fail to recognize the correlation between "losing 10K", "hospitalizing gorgeous" and "a good deal"? Well then, you may just be a proper fit for Casual, which may just strike you as convenient, as we are now in the highly refined process of selecting a few individuals to join our ranks. We are looking for the following classes: Druids And if you are ri-goddamn-diculously skilled, dedicated, geared, possibly a few: Warlocks Priests Act now. Many will apply. Few will be accepted. Contact any of the following in-game: Turnip Kais Ashk Kerai Digo If you are too stupid to figure out how to submit an application, you will most likely join our hall of shame. |
Is your guild having problems with new content? Frustrated by low turn-out? Festering with negativity and sagging morale? Well look no further, because I am about to present a complete strategy guide to the Temple of Ahn'Qiraj! (Well, at least for the stuff we've killed so far in our 3 nights inside the zone.) This is all brought to you by the brilliant tactical minds at Casual.  So anyway, Skeram. 1. Set up a reliable main assist person. 2. Get your tanks ready for the split (I recommend druids in bear form.) 3. Assist your MA and kill the mind-controlled people as quickly as possible. 4. Disenchant loot. Simple enough, eh? Moving right along to the Triplets: Lord Kri, Princess Yauj, and Vem.  Woops, hehe, how'd that get in there? Not that we would ever pull mobs to Vaelastrasz's room, like some other disreputable hooligans!* *Note to GMs: keep an eye on Supafly. He and his evil guild will attempt to pull Sartura to Vael's room. 1. Split the bugs. 2. Mash decursive. 3. Kill Lord Kri first, as he produces a debuff cloud, similar to the Hakkar event.* 4. Disenchant loot. *Note: you will need to utilize this debuff cloud to kill Princess Yauj. Next, Battleguard Sartura!  1. AE her guards. 2. Disenchant loot. In all seriousness, I really like this fight. It's been fixed (yes, fixed, not nerfed), so it's very appropriate in its present condition. The difficulty is now about where it should be, given its place in the zone progression. Onward to the Hall of Bugs.  1. Bring your Metzen Blitzkreig divison.* 2. Leave dead people behind. 3. Laugh as they are devoured whole. *  Once you've lost half your raid to flesh-eating bugs, it's time for Fankriss the Zergfest. 1. Kill him as fast as possible. 2. Laugh as your mages are torn to pieces. 3. Scream in Ventrilo at your stupid warlocks to soulstone someone. 4. Disenchant loot.  We got to Princess Huhurvoodooyoudopowerofthebabe, but I'll save that for another night. However, I would like to comment on the outstanding zone design. It looks amazing.  Well, amazing that is when a giant druid leg doesn't fuck up your picture. As someone mentioned (Valkie, I think?), the zone is huge. It feels empty almost. The bugs should be like five times bigger. Yeah. Like King-Kong sized. That would be bad-ass. Now, I do have one minor concern.  I sense a disturbing trend. Silly druids.  |
 So half the server showed up at the gates, awaiting the darkness that would surge forth and devour us all. And that darkness had a name.  But we did not give up. Boldy we marched onward to Ahn'Qiraj.  I have found my new favorite mob in the game. Those Obsidian Eradicators make me jealous.  Dispatching the yard trash, we approached the Prophet Skeram. I was giddy. Soon, I would have a chance to be mind-controlled and kill my friends. The prospect of shanking druids surpassed my glee from the days of Baron Geddon. How glorious this would be!  However, before the fight we received a little lecture from Cephid about a new rule.  PROPHET SKERAM, INCOMING!  And mind-control the Prophet did! Behold, the glorious results.  Yes, a 10k hit from Blade Flurry. You see, his mind-control transforms the meekest little elf into a colossal savage. Here, we can see Turnip transformed into TURNIPZILLA THE DESTRUCTOR.  And just to give you some perspective on her size...  Oh yes, the carnage became an addiction. Would you like to know more?   Why must dey keel our prophets?  Shortly thereafter, we made short work of the Triplets and decided to tattoo ourselves to mark the occasion.  However, Battleguard Sartura quickly dashed our spirits upon the jagged rocks of reality.  Battleguard Sartura  While most of the guild whined like a druid, Watson was actually kind of aroused, I think.  Things looked bad. Nothing made sense. Her guards were more ADD than all our rogues after a crystal meth enema combined.    Yeah, the fight is ass-rape. But we came up with a nifty little strat born out of a crack-addled desperation one only sees from a heroin addict locked out of a methadone clinic. I will be so happy when she dies and we can move on to disenchant even more feral druid loot!  She dies on Wednesday, and when she does, my joy will surpass even this moment:  You see, during the 10 hour war last Thursday, I had the serendipitous fortune of landing in Gadgetzan just as the giant resonating crystal had mind-controlled Zulah. It would not do to let the Horde's favorite fetal-alcohol syndrome child beat up on the poor goblins. So I intervened.  More TOAST SONG wackiness!  Keep the fan mail coming, guys. Someday soon, Turnip will release the song to the public! I'd like to take a moment to thank the loyal citizens of Hyjal for ensuring that my cache of snowballs never runs dry.   According to my calculations, at the current rate of snowball acquisition, we can cause a nuclear Cephid meltdown in 129 days, 14 hours, and 59 seconds. Keep up the good work, citizens! Remember, snowballs earn citizenship! And now, Hyjal's very own: PAGE SIX! Word on the street has it, Teleyn the paladin plays completely naked except for a towel draped around his neck! So remember Horde, next time he stuns you with that homosexual Hand of Justice, there's a good chance he did it by letting his cack flop around on the keyboard!  Being the inspirational cult leader I am, I get a lot of fan tells in game. Most of the time, it's entertaining. But sometimes, it moves well beyond the realm of entertainment and descends into insane stalker status. So I started talking to this guy and he made me laugh with his stories about training his own guild Insurrection inside Blackwing Lair. However, upon talking to friends who happened to be actual members of Insurrection, I discovered that his claims were completely false. Awesome! I have a 13 year old, compulsive liar stalking me! The previous day, I had made the mistake of inviting him to our top sekret cool-guy channel when I was bombarded by tells of "wtf, why did you invite him here?" So we quickly remedied the situation.  The emo tells ensued.    The moral of the story is: you don't have to lie to make friends! In closing, any remaining shred of doubt I had about Kais' sexuality has evaporated.  |
Proof even the dragons hate druids.  Maws!  Does anyone else have an irrational fear of sharks? True, you are more likely to die from rare flesh-eating bacteria while being stuck by lighting, but they still inspire primal terror. For example, I'm swimming around the docks at Theramore (read, fell off the boat like a moron) when I see a shark gliding through the water toward me. I start sweating uncontrollably. Sure that the shark will detect my fear, I know stealth will be useless so I hit my sprint key and swim like a madman for shore. The shark was level 40. Does anyone else have this problem? Last night we completed the War Effort turn-ins. These trying times were not without loss.  Still, it was somewhat less climactic than I'd hoped for. As the final turn-ins ticked away, people were squealing like jittery little chipmunks in guild chat. "OMG 100 MORE PURPLE LOTUS!!!" Only 100, you say? So in the depths of my Id-addled brain, I concocted a plan for ultimate glory. I, Digo, would be the one to make the final purple lotus turn-in.  Racing through the temple fortress of Jintha'Alor, I picked spiky little flowers in a frenzy. 80... 77... 75.... fuck, gold farmer stole my lotus.... (train 17 trolls, problem solved)... 74.... 70..... And so with 80 purple lotus I hearthed back to Ironforge, ready to receive the adulation of the so-called Alliance. I would be a hero, carried through the streets of Ironforge in a mighty gnome-pulled chariot. I shouted "only 60 left!" "Only 40 left!" I paused for dramatic flair, letting the anticipation build. "Only 20 left! TREMBLE AND DESPAIR!" Then a great cry arose from general chat. "WOOO WE'RE DONE!" What the fuck? I still have a stack of 20 purple lotus! Who the fuck just ninjad my supreme glory? GOD DAMMIT. So if anyone can find out who stole my glory and turned in the final stack, please let me know. If you can get their home address and any information about any severe medical allergies or phobias they might possess, that would be super. By the way, thank you to everyone who selflessly farmed and turned in materials without need for any reward. You have a place in heaven reserved with 99 virgins and a lifetime supply of Chewy Chips Ahoy. But by and large, I'm pretty disappointed with the Alliance, considering how many of the materials were funnelled over BY THE HORDE. If you were among the lazy, unscrupulous, unwashed masses, you can eat a bag of hell and enjoy the fruits of our labors when you raid Ahn'Qiraj. Behold, your typical Alliance member:  In other news, the Lunar New Year festival has arrived.  Turnip on her newfound ranging abilities:  Alas, not all of our members have been able to participate in the goldfarmer festival. Some of them were busy with new jobs, such as Kerai, who after months spent as a "manual cow insemination assistant," finally landed a job as a mechanical test engineer, which mostly just involves throwing appliaces off the roof and seeing if they break.  Speaking of, it's aboot time for our regularly scheduled Canadian bashing.   We decided that something must be done about the Canadian problem. So I infiltrated Dr. Weavil's island to steal a weapon of ultimate power. We would become Shiva, destroyer of worlds. No Canadian would survive. Behold, the final solution.  Oh yes, soon we would rain death from above upon those Quebecois-gibbering beavers. But alas, Pronx led a secret raid upon Dr. Weavil and sabotaged the flying machine. Pronx and his trusty pet led the charge.  Our plan to rid the world of Canadians was foiled.  One of Dr. Weavil's agents contacted me by mail shortly after.  Wasn't me, bro. Squirrels are sacred animals. In fact, looks like another squirrel cult popped up overnight.  Gaulvan of A Modest Proposal carries on the good fight.   It seems we're running low on snowballs. Teleyn to the rescue!  Oh god....  Smegma snowballs? For fuck's sake, man... At least some people still keep the faith.  Casual Productions is proud to present: Time For Some Toast With Turnip   This kind of thing happens more frequently than one would expect. Apparently, she tried to use a plastic spoon to "moosh" down the chili and it squirted it right in her eye.  Another Turnip rant about stupid girls.  Speaking of sex...  I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the subject. Please post in the general forums. Well, looks like there's at least one breed of guy Taloola won't go down on.  Now at risk of offending our lazy-eyed brethren, does it bother anyone else when talking to someone with a lazy eye? I find it incredibly uncomfortable. I don't know where to look. What's the protocol on this? Do I stare at their forehead? Do I try to figure out which eye is normal and just look at that one? But then they'll know I know they have a crazy eye and then they might feel uncomfortable about it and then that's just really awkward. Binks suggested that lazy-eyed people should just take one for the team and gracefully remove the offending organ. Next week in inappropriate and insensitive rants: homeless people. What the fuck?  Watson on marriage:  Sometimes, Spleh dies under unusual circumstances. For example, while fighting Chromaggus, everyone scampers for cover when he's about to breathe. But not Spleh. No, Spleh stands out in the open and takes it like a real man. Cause of death? Death by Badger, more commonly known as "cat on keyboard syndrome." (Death by C.O.K.S.) Griefer is going through an experimental phase. He's currently using a 51 point subtlety build. Don't ask me how, but he still manages to stay in the top 10 on our DPS charts. However, his unorthodox build is not without its uses...  Yes, you read that right. Improved Distract. Proof our rogues' greatness.  And now, Casual's own PAGE SIX! These guys ought to do well in Blackwing Lair.  True story.  Yet another Squirreltape letter.  |
So Fires of Heaven beat us by a few days and farmed up some 46,000 bug shells. Big deal. We still got to watch them dress up chimpanzees and reenact the Civil War, and god damn was it entertaining. Fortunately, Digo was on hand to document the spectacle.  As you can see, the chimpanzees bunched up quite nicely for this first photo, taken at Gettysburg.  But peace was short-lived. One of the monkeys starting throwing poop and well, it all went downhill from there once the chimp assigned to play General Stonewall Jackson turned into a fucking dragon and breathed acid on everyone.  In this historical reenactment of the Civil War, Sandral Faghelm, Caelastrasaszxzs, and Anachronos (president of the SCA LARPers -- yeah, he was the guy going LIGHTNING BOLT, LIGHTNING BOLT) all team up with our champion bug killer, Selinar, to plan strategy.  The battle raged across Silithus, scarring the land forever.  Of course some people screamed for a time out and had to go afk like pussies.  How exciting! Dragons were going to aid the Union in battle against the Confederates! The prospect of Alexstraza showing up and breathing fire on everyone was arousing.  The Union chimps gained new allies -- a few members of the guild formerly known as Strife. Andelle put on his monkey suit and joined ventrilo for the first time, where he was inspired by our leader and house mom, Ashk.  Unfortunately, not everyone was around to witness the spectacle of chimpanzees hurling poop and squawking at each other, but Eratus summed up the event quite nicely for anyone who missed it.   Release horrors upon the world? Plunge the 'verse into darkness? Who would do such a thing?  Well, Faghelm, since you're being such a pussy about it, I guess Casual will have to step up and kill some bugs. Listen up, old gods. When those gates come crashing down, you are all going to be in very big trouble.  (courtesy of Jermz) Clearly, the Horde and Alliance were going to have to work together. Many said it could not be done. Many doubted we could ever coexist. BUT THEY WERE WRONG. BEHOLD!  Of course, the prospect of holding the realm hostage had crossed our minds.  Very soon, squirrel. Very soon the gates will open and we will march into Ahn'Qiraj leaving only ash and darkness in our wake.  More AQ stuff coming soon! Stay tuned. And now, for something completely different. Love is in the air. With so many couples in the guild and Valentine's Day right around the corner, guild chat turned away from sodomy and axe-murder long enough to discuss romance.      Our poet laureate, Spleh even sent me love notes!  People have even been mailing me, asking for relationship advice.  Oh! Listen, Hyjal, I need your help. It's come to my attention that Turnip is something of a songwriter. I begged her relentlessly to sing into ventrilo, but she wouldn't give in.  Turnip explains the toast song.  So, I need you ALL to mail Turnip in game or send her tells and request the toast song. We cannot hope to defeat the twin emperors of Ahn'Qiraj without Turnip's bard-like inspiration. We do have a backup plan in case Turnip can't be persuaded.  Meanwhile, raiding has been business as usual.  Yeah, except I was kidding, Straik. Jesus. Ashk reminisces about Everquest days.  I'm so sad that snowballs aren't in the game anymore. I guess it's fortunate that Keae, Orlox, Britni, Dispoholidus, Watson, Steyr, Andelle, Flagg and I each made 7 alts and filled their banks with stacks of snowballs, just for Cephid. If anyone has left-over snowballs, feel free to mail them my way. I'll see they're put to good use and noble purpose.  I hate Molten Core with heroic intensity. Every week it's a 3 hour farming session for our disenchanters. But for three minutes against Baron Geddon, everything is whiskers on kittens.  I encourage all of you to study the ways of suicide bombing and share my message of unity and sacrifice with your guild. I will post any screenshots of suicide bombings and resulting hate tells or guild drama for the public to enjoy, so that we may all know of your heroic deeds. (Basically, the officers threatened me with excommunication (again) if I do it anymore so now I have to live vicariously through you. So get to bombing.) Nefarian, exciting as ever!  Vaelastrasz vs. our poor little greenches.  Since I can't bomb the guild anymore, I guess I'll have to amuse myself in other ways. Like turning Ebonroc on the raid just before he breathes shadowflame.  Guess someone forgot to put on their Onyxia Scale Cloak! Keae likes to make Blackwing Lair more challenging.  Selinar explores his new neighborhood.  Christmas presents!  /who squirrel  Sleepy time after a hard night of raiding.  And now, for the grand-prize winner in the taken-horribly-out-of-context category.  |
ATTENTION: CEPHID NEEDS MORE SNOWBALL.  You see, Cephid loves Christmas. He has the spirt of little Wendy-Who from Whooville. He loves family togetherness, the joy of giving, celebrating the birth of the black baby Jesus, and OCD stat whoring. Cephid works so hard to keep our guild running. He gets all the potions together for raids, runs our complicated DKP system, and screams at people for acting like dickheads. Help share the Christmas spirit with Cephid! Devoit celebrates Christmas, American style.  In other news, it seems that Jujak, former raid-leader of Casual has ebayed. We were excited to meet this new fellow and see if he was just as inspirational and painful to listen to as the original. Keae has a conversation with New-jak.  Conclusion 1: Keae is adorable! Conclusion 2: New-Jak is a douchebag. Perhaps moreso than the original.  Well that's interesting! First he claims to be the real Jujak, then he comes clean about his purchase. The plot thickens.  Let's see: Blaming latency? Check. Blaming new class? Check. Blaming new server? Check. Rambling pathetic attempt at self-validation? Check.  Now, why does this matter? Truthfully, it doesn't. We could give a fuck, to be honest. But the unintentional comedy that followed justifies the bandwidth. "Allow Jujak into your modern lives?" WTF? It's a good thing I had the foresight to save these pictures, since the mods deleted the thread on the official boards.  By all accounts, this guy sucks.  Okay, this guy had his 15 minutes. On with the random bullshit. As 1.9 nears, Casual steps up its game in preparation of the challenges to come...  ... by wiping on the way to Lucifron. Spleh celebrates.  And Keae explains why Molten Core runs these days are like Dragon Ball Z.  Speaking of Keae, she's gone home for the holidays to be with her family, leaving me alone at the house with nothing but the cat for company. It's very lonely and quiet without her coming home at 3am and dumping her shit all over the floor and waking me up. I will miss that so much.   Okay, Keae, we know you're miserable at home, but geez, didn't we tell you that this kind of thing is giving Casual a terrible reputation on Hyjal? How will we ever succeed as a guild when you keep doing things like this?    That picture is my new wallpaper. I don't know why, but some people don't like us.  I mean, after all, we have our priorities straight.  Watching TV on raids is a great way to ensure that everything goes smoothly. It helps distract people long enough for me to kill them.    Check that shit out. Mechanical Squirrel takes it like a man while the druid dies. Despite inattention on raids and the onset of generic malaise, we still manage to farm Nefarian on a weekly basis.  Nefarian Tip #89: CHoose the right soundtrack.   Besides being one of the most famous hackers in the world, Spleh was once nominated for Poet Laureate of the United States? It's true. Bill Clinton was going to appoint him until that whole Paula Jones incident. I guess the nation just isn't ready to pay tribute to the joys of buttsecks.  Sodomy isn't as fun as one might think.  Remember the Icy Hot Stuntaz guys? You know, the three wigger douche-bags? Guess what. They play on Hyjal.  This is the most heartbreaking letter I've ever received. I wept for days on end. Someday, we will purge the Plaguelands of their contagion.  Neji is our paladin class leader. He is a very kind man, full of wisdom and charity. He is dependable a friend as one could ever hope for. But sometimes, he falls into the depths of depression.  Did anyone else notice there is no pipe weed in this game? What gives? I mean, if they're going to rip off Tolkein, the least they can do is stay consistent with the books and put some puff-puff in the game. There are hookahs and hickory pipes for christ's sake! Please go to the suggestions forum and let the developers know how much we need smoking in the game. We already have alcohol and firearms! Why not complete the holy trinity? I mean, how bad ass would that be if you could light up a cigarette and kill people in game? You'd be just like Snake Plissken. Any pussies who don't like second-hand smoke should just go play on an ARRR-PEE server. While we're on the subject of vice...   I guess now we can explain how David Lynch got started.  Right. Trilly is our resident bad-ass midget. No really. He may top the DPS charts, but the nuances of some basic day-to-day functions still elude him.   I guess Ulfius had some recent success at the job fair.  One thing I've often wondered about is the discrepancy in genitalia. A naked woman is a thing of beauty and wondrous art, but a fully aroused naked man is just... odd. Like a platypus riding a bicycle. There's something just not aerodynamic about a flappy ballsack. Another mature discussion about human sexuality ensued.   |
There is nothing to do in game. We are fucking bored. I have nothing of interest to post, but people are asking for an update, so here you go. I promise this will not be funny or interesting. If you have a laugh track recording, you might want to queue it up as you read along so you can pretend to laugh at shit that isn't funny and convince yourself you aren't miserable. Hey, it worked for like 10 seasons of Friends. We're so popular that we just can't keep track of all the people trying to talk to us and be cool by proxy. So the inevitable mistell works its way into our nightly conversations.   But anyway, enough of that. On with the squirrel sex.  It seems the cult has spread. I wish this letter were more funny.  Mechanical squirrels are fucking beasts. Check it out. Squirrel tanks like a pro.  But not prairie dogs, who die like little bitches.  Ah, Canadians, our favorite scapegoat.   I think all our druids are Canadian, too.   Just like there is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny, there is no rank 14. You will never be rank 14 unless you hire a team of rang-rangs or are under house arrest. It's easier to just go to MC and get a full set of epics in 4 weeks rather than spend hundreds of hours wasting your life and sanity in the battlegrounds. If for some reason you don't receive a mark of honor, fucking deal with it and move on. You probably didn't deserve it anyway. I have it on good word from the developers that the Burning Crusade expansion due out next year is going to cater to the casual gamer so that everyone can have equal access to the content and see all the World of Warcraft has to offer. For example, Illidan will be killable by a level 62 druid in blue gear. How is this possible, you might ask? Illidan will now be flagged under a new class of mob called EMO FAG.  Seriously, how does Illidan go from being a total bad-ass to an emo kid sitting on his throne writing shitty poems and listening to Linkin Park? If anyone finds his live journal, email me so we can jihad his site and make him commit suicide. Then casual players can't kill him anymore, depriving them of even more content. Talk about value-added solutions. World of Warcraft has been expanding faster than ever due to its intuitive interface and fun, fast-paced quest system. It's even popular in traditionally difficult to penetrate markets with more discerning tastes, such as the deep south.  This shit never gets old.   And now, a really hot bisexual chick whacked out of her mind on ecstasy.  UPDATE: People are asking me what's the deal with the redneck on the slot machine and the hot e-tard girl. These were two pictures taken by an ex-girlfriend of mine, who is a photographer. The first is taken at a supermarket in Las Vegas. I still marvel at this picture and its sloven elegance. My ex-girlfriend photographer is a drum and bass fiend. You probably have at least one friend like this. They constantly have that shit playing in the background with a dull sonic roar no matter what they're doing. Studying? BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP. Eating? BOOMP BOOMP BOOMP. Showering? BOOOMP BOOMP BOOMP. She even put this cacophanous shit on while she slept, which made sleeping over at her place futile. So she once dragged me to a DNB party once where I nursed my pain with half a dozen grey goose and sodas. Fortunately, the bartender was coked out of his mind and didn't bother to count how many drinks I ordered, so I ended up with a whopping tab of $16 after four hours of heavy drinking. I just waved him down and flailed about and pointed at the vodka to indicate I needed more medication, since the music would drown out a symphony orchestra of chainsaws. I think he was just happy to make drinks, since everyone else in this hell-hole was just ordering bottled water to cool off their MDMA-fueled insanity. Now, for all her faults, which included aimless rambling about shutter speeds and fashion magazines, she did have two things going for her. 1) She is South American fashion model who traveled all over the place. 2) She is bisexual and has the sex drive of a coked-up weasel in heat. Sitting at the bar, my disco-queen retard drapes herself across the barstool beside me and scans the room like a lizard pulling its head side to side in the desert heat. Her eyes finally rest on the subject of the second photo. She claws for the camera hanging around her neck and sprints over to take pictures. After taking a few shots, she comes staggering back to me and asks me to hold the camera "Hold thees" she says in her thick accent, "thees girl wants to talk with me." So I held the camera and watched two hot lipstick lesbians practically rape each other in public. The moral of this story is, if you ever get a chance to go to a drum and bass party, GO. |
Last week (or maybe two ago, the drugs are affecting my memory) we killed Emeriss, the mushroom spasming, griefer's dream come true. But since Casual is never content to do anything the easy way, we decided to make the encounter a little more interesting. Anyone who doesn't fight and kill Emeriss with his adds at the same time is a GIGANTIC PUSSY.  How were we able to accomplish this amazing feat? With the help of none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger himself. Who needs CT_RA when you have Ahnold giving orders?  No, seriously. He was barking orders at us in Ventrilo. And yes, Arnold plays a paladin. Valkie expresses his frustration at the wait times in between wipes on the four green dragons.  In a rare moment of altruism, I feel like we should offer these tips for the other up-and-coming guilds about to attempt Nefarian. CASUAL'S ULTRA DOUBLE-SECRET PROBATION STRAT GUIDE TO NEFARIAN 1. Make sure everyone is totally focused before triggering the event.  2. Come prepared to deal with the drakonids in Phase One.  3. Be ready for Nefarian's shouts.  4. Have the proper consumables ready in case of emergency.  (Special thanks to Teleyn for this beautiful image.) 5. Keep all your members alert and ready for sudden changes in plan.  6. Have extra baby murlocs ready for abuse, provided by your new Baby Murloc Breeding In Captivity Program.  7. If you fail, ensure that the responsible party receives the blame.  And now, the Squirrels Of Our Lives. Horrible tragedy looms over Casual as our beloved raid leader, Ashk, falls in battle.  In death, she had grown even more beautiful. Her lustrous fur. Shiny teeth. Bushy tail. Sparkly eyes. I was so overcome with grief that I fell to my knees in the midst of battle and wept bitter tears.  Even worse, our hunters' new pets were being slain!   In other squirrelly news, reports from the front lines look grim.  Conditions worsen in the plaguelands. I have almost given up hope.  But all is not lost. Good news! Our legend lives on!  Keae celebrates our victory!  And now, for more random wackiness, since there's nothing really to report until 1.9 goes live. I mean, I could sit around and berate certain other guilds whose upstart newbies will use any excuse to wag their little e-peens around for obtaining COMPLETELY RANDOM DROP legendary items that we've been trying to farm for EIGHT MONTHS while they were still wiping in Deadmines. I'm not bitter or anything.  Sampling of guild chat:   (Note the end of that conversation. We were sort of distracted.) Speaking of Ashk...  Or maybe having a female raid leader is a good thing.  Also speaking of distractions....   Ulfius will never hook up with my sister if he keeps this up.  Speaking of my sister, last night was my mom's birthday. I went out with my family and three other families, all friends of my parents in a large group. Of course, my little teenage sister came with and brought half a dozen of her giggling idiot teenage companions whose parents are also friends of our family. We showed up at the Macaroni Grill, the Abercrombie & Fitch of corporate eateries where all the waiters are hired on looks alone and couldn't remember whether ordered red or white if their life depended on it. Still nursing a hangover, I helped myself to the mammoth-sized bottles of table wine. After all, what better way to cure a hangover than get my blood alcohol content back up to a safe level? So while I sat at the far end -- the kids end -- of the table gulping down Chianti while watching teenage girls text message each other back and forth AT THE DINNER table, my mom was trying to arrange my marriage to one of the fourteen-year old girls. About this time, I realize why the girls are text messaging instead of talking. They are discussing me. My sister decides to announce to the table that I am famous. Of course, this turns all 20 heads and now I, miserable and reeking of booze, raise my head and prepare to bask in the adulation of my fans. "I am?" I ask, feigning humility. "So like, I'm in biology today and like boys are talking about video games and stuff and like I hear them say World of Warcraft and I'm like, oh yeah, my brother plays that game, and so like they're all "cool, what server is he on?" and I'm like uh... I dunno, but his name is Digo." I can see the other adults furrowing their foreheads, trying to make sense of her adderall-fueled rambling. The teenage girls are staring at me. I drink more Chianti. She keeps babbling at a thousand miles an hour. "So like when I say "Digo," the boys are like "OH MY GOD YOUR BROTHER IS DIGO?" and I'm like, yeah so? They totally do not believe me, and I'm like yeah, so? The adults are confused. The teenage girls are distracted by our faggy waiter with frosted hair and hockey pucks in his ears. "So like pretty much all the boys in my classes now are talking to me and I think they are going to ask me to Winter Formal or something. They said like he talks about me all the time and his guild or whatever said I'm really hot but they keep asking me to like get them into his guild or whatever, so yeah, pretty much my brother is famous." The adults look at me like I've posted a match.com ad for my little sister on the Megan's Law website. The teenage girls turn their attention to me again and ask "what's a Digo?" A rare species of flesh-eating squirrel, I say.  More random wackiness.     Our secret nameless guild leader reveals the method behind our tabard-making madness.  We love encounters like Baron Geddon. I want to shake the hand of whichever developer came up with this fight. He deserves a massive pay raise.  Why don't I get these in real life?  Another Casual discussion about politics.  And now, for my greatest accomplishment, my most momentous occassion in WoW...  Temptation sets in.  |
 It has come to our attention that many people suspect we are all a bunch of jobless losers with nothing else to dedicate our lives but engorging of our virtual genitalia. I hate to disappoint, but 90% of Casual is in the mid-to-late 20s with at least 40 hour a week jobs. Every now and then, we sometimes manage to kill a world-spawn. Of course, it takes lots of preparation and intense strategizing.   **EDIT** I am dumb and sleep-deprived. We killed Taerar, not Emeriss.   Not that we don't enjoy the frustration of a 15-minute raid timer in between wipes.  While we're wagging our throbbing members about, we have disenchanted our first piece of Nefarian loot.  Did the login troubles and 1,000,000ms ping times seem familiar the other night? We thought so, too.  Meanwhile, in between Blackwing Lair farming sessions...  ...and late night AV runs, in which my darling Keae likes to take charge of the raid...  ...perfecting our Onyxia tactics...  ...Murky-inspired wipes against Chromaggus...  ...and making an effort to forge a bond of unity with our fellow alliance members...  ...blasting loot-whore applicants...  ...educating the younger members of the Hyjal community....   (I kept that tradewindow up for 15 minutes while I made a sandwich.)  (Nightstrider doubles his offer!) ...keeping hope alive for the clueless...  ...enjoying Molten Core snooze-fests (except Baron Geddon, which owns)...  ...and celebrating the return of prodigal sons...  ...we've been up to the usual shenanigans.    We've unlocked the loot system code, and we didn't even have to read a shitty Dan Brown book to do it.  I don't think Binks likes we Night Elves very much.  Spleh uncovers the scandalous truth about Iorek, leader of Forgotten Aspects.  Sayser makes art!  Stalkers!   Discussing the career of Dr. Uwe Boll, cinematic visionary of such prize-winning films as Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead, and the new release Bloodrayne.  Read Uwe Boll's entry at wikipedia here. Now read Adolph Hitler's entry here. Now, I understand that Wikipedia is a user-maintained information site, but usually, it's pretty good about staying objective in its journalism. You know you suck when the entry about Adolph Hitler is kinder than yours. I hope to god that faggot Uwe Boll does not get the licensing to Half-Life and Metal Gear. Anywho, on with the silliness!    And what would a Casual update be without BABY MURLOC SACRIFICE?  The press discovers Casual. You can imagine I was totally objective.   |
Mmiiiimm urrgggg eeeeeeh urrr, murfffph? (Hello, chaps. Isn't my little froghole nice and pink?) Nnnurrr eeeoooo muu uh nooooo!!! (Master can be so cruel!)  Diiiiigoooo nnooooggghh iiiiooohh. :( (Master doesn't use lube. Sad face.)  Ooomiii doo! Nii shoooghhh hurrrgh. (New tabard! Fear not, the squirrel will return.)  Eeeiiooh! Ysondre ennooo! (Ysondre means "free loot" in Kaldorei!)  Oohhhgiii noomuuuu ooddaahoo. (Clearing MC since March and this is the first binding piece. At this rate, we should have a Sulfuras sometime around the fucking Northrend expansion.)  Casuuooo urrgggmuuu hrrrglle eeeh. (Casual recently converted to Christianity.)   Joooeeeh oohggghrrll, mugrrh. (They were converting people, or something.)  Aquuoooo shiiee nooo uhgho. (Aquasheepa put something in my mouth and I don't think it was a communion wafer.)  Zooo aomiii nhguurl.... (Speaking of horrible ways to die...) Emeriioo fhooo glhhoo iieoo. (Emeriss can lick my little froggy balls, but I think master is making progress.)  Watsoooo nii rang rang rang! (Watson is back in Korea, and playing with us again!)    Niion ahiouu onoi oogooiaghh. (Pronx feeds me yummy tapeworms when master isn't looking.)  OOOH TURNIOPOOOOO FOOGHH URRRHMRURPHIEOOO! (Turnip understands me. She completes me.)  Looigh SOJ? (Wtf is soj?)  Cephioo ftrooo miii noosh. (Cephid offered master oral for a baby murloc of his own.)  Tooo nii L. Ron Hubbard. (I think Colleen has gone insane.)  Tuoomtuoom! (Need one more gnome-gnome to be Tum-tum!)  Diiiggoooo? (Wtf master, does Keae know you posted her naked ass in the last news update and is now getting people to send him naked pics of their wives and girlfriends?)   -- M U R K Y |
It is better to die for the Light than to live for yourself. No man, or dwarf, as the case may be, embodies this noble principle greater than Telein, the Pink Crusader, chief assassin of the Scarlet Crusade.  Resolute and zealous in his devotion to the Scarlet Crusade, Telein sought to cleanse the heretics from the Eastern Plaguelands. It was at Light's Hope Chapel that he discovered the depths of the Argent Dawn's corruption. For a moment of laxity leads to a lifetime of corruption, and corruption shall only be rewarded with death.  And so Telein, the Pink Crusader laid waste to the Argent Dawn camp, slaughtering the Argent Dawn heretics.  The righteous path is truly narrow, for there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth when the corrupted populace of Hyjal discovered the slaughter!  They were not pleased, but they did not understand his holy mission.         Just as the unwashed masses did not understand our fearless crusade to protect the sacred chest of Short John Mithril, so they did not understand Telein the Pink Crusader's quest to cleanse the heretics from our land. And now, because enough gold was raised to buy Dolores her very own chicken mount, as promised, here is a picture of Keae's ass. NOT ENTIRELY SAFE FOR WORK. ahem |
Feast your eyes on the greatest innovation in MMORPG history... THE DANCING BABY MURLOC  He coos! He gurgles! He does a mean Fred Astaire! And even better, he makes a lovely sacrifice to the old gods. SERVER FIRST BABY MURLOC KILL     Fear the coming darkness, for our glorious cult of squirrel-worshippers shall march across the face of the Azeroth, empowered by the blood of the baby murloc, conquering and defiling all who would oppose us! Just like these two dead lizards!  (Speaking of which, we used a 31/20 warrior to tank him. Ask Kaynen for details.)  NO RLY  Fux. But really, we did. And Fuhrer Orlox got a nice new SS hat.  But our success in Blackwing Lair has not been without cost.  Meanwhile, the fearsome green dragon Lethon has proved as elusive as Thumbeleena's attention span.  And what would a Molten Core run be without Digo's UNITY BRAND team-building excercise?  Caladin was the real star of the show when he single-handedly blew up a good 80% of the raid.  So I went to Blizzcon, where I spread my plan to sacrifice Murky to the squirrel gods. It was met with some resistance.  After I was finished stomping this guy's neck, I followed the chick hired to walk around in spandex and look hard while passing as Nova, the psychic covert operative star of Blizzard's new console title Starcraft: Ghost.  Pssst... my buddy got her phone number. No, really. He did. I was fucking impressed. Kevin has game. Her site is here: http://aubrielemon.com/ It's safe for work, as long as you don't work for a Mormon company or hypersensitive HR firm. In fact, you should probably just wait till you get home before fapping to her pics. Speaking of Ghost, I got a chance to play the 8v8 multiplayer and it is fucking awesome. They had it set up for 8 terrans to fight 8 zergs in a big game of king of the hill. It's a long narrow playing field with capture nodes set up every hundred yards or so that you have to attack and destroy to capture. Once you take over a node, you can swap out to a different kind of unit based on how many kill points you've acquired. You get kill points for killing people. Seems intuitive, right? In the build we got to play, Terrans could be a scout, a pansy infantry with a 30-round gauss rifle BUT with the bad-ass capability of dropping a turret bunker and taking control of it. The next upgrade unit is a marine, who are slightly more badass with more heavy firepower and RPGs. Next you have the Firebat, my personal favorite. There is nothing quite as fun as incinerating a zergling rush. Finally, you can play a ghost, who can snipe, set mines, and do all kinds of generally fucked up shit. On the other side, you could play the Zerg. The primary zerg unit is the adorable zergling who hauls ass across the pitch, tearing the legs out from under anyone they swarm over. The bad-ass part of a zergling rush is that the zerg gain attack power when they're close to each other. As far as I can tell, you get a bigger bonus for the more you group with. Gather 8 zerglings and swarm over them at the start for a true zergling rush. Omgsomuchfun. Plus you can burrow and ambush people, which was delightful. The next Zerg unit is the Hydralisk, who have a lovely eviscerating claw swipe and spit those acid blade thingies. They move kinda slow, but hey, you're a Hydralisk. Next up is the infested marine, my personal favorite. They move pretty slow, and they use a lame assault rifle, but they can self-destruct which makes for a happy game of suicide bombing. I sort of discovered this by accident and began cackling with true Digo glee. The Blizzard guy supervising the gaming area looked at me funny. I think he was calling in for stun guns or something. The final Zerg unit is the mutalisk, the only flying unit. They shoot a projectile which is kind of disappointing, but for my money, there is nothing more satisfying than to swoop upon a hapless unaware marine and grab him in your noodly appendage, killing him instantly. Then you can fly off and drop him somewhere. Very cool. Anyway, enough about Ghost and more about berating druids.  Just, fyi sir, Cephid would amost certainly eat your little pensifase. See here and here. Taloola discovers a new BWL exploit, even more effective than our famous single-file-line exploit.  (You can bypass Broodlord by traveling on the ceiling.) People are still asking me how I met Keae.  Actually, it involves a wad of twenties, 9 rails, 6 crunchy spider rolls, and table service. She wasn't as classy as Turnip.   Speaking of strippers. Kais tells a story.  And for all your old-school people, Devoit gets nostalgic.  In true dork fashion, we raided on Halloween and discussed ways to avoid being responsible adults and not pass out candy.   And now, for the results of our massively popular poetry contest... I present to you, the winners! (And only two entries, so the rest of you unoriginal fucks can just wallow in your mediocrity.)    Oh, I forgot. Stay tuned for another mini-update in a couple days. Casual has once again broken the game and discovered a way to join the Scarlet Crusade and rid Azeroth of the Scourge. And pissing off a lot of people as well. |
 (Obviously, he was talking to the druids.)  A few druid sacrifices later, and the handsome devil went down harder than a Tri Delta after a GHB margarita.   Wait a minute....  Assholes. Speaking of killing druids, this is my favorite aspect of the Hakkar encounter. I love mind control encounters.  Too bad we can't claim the heads of our other enemies and put them on sticks. HINT HINT, DESIGNERS.  Please note the squirrel in the bottom left corner. Now, there are two secrets to this encounter which I will graciously share with you. 1) Make sure you have the proper buffs.  2) Make sure you have the proper equipment.  That's right. 40 cannon trinkets from Stratholme. It makes Phase 1 EZ-MODE. Just be sure to hide your jublings.  While we're on the subject of Turnip, I brought it to her attention that people attending Blizzcon would be receiving an in-game Baby Murloc Pet. It just so happens that I know a guy who knows a guy who can can score her a Baby Murloc of her very own. This is what ensued:   We loves the Turnips. Please send her flowers in game and write her a poem. The dirtier the better, of course. We will be judging this poetry contest and post the winner for all to see on the front page. We will only accept submissions via in-game mail sent to Turnip. I think she should also be a raid designer.   Get to know Himeko, our new warrior app. Apparently, he is a master chef, describing himself as a cross between Iron Chef Morimoto and George Foreman.  Please welcome Penis, our new Warlock app.  Eschin recounts true tales of growing up in East LA.  Sind also has some tales from the barrio.  Now, as much as I like Blackwing Lair, I do have one serious complaint. It's nearly impossible to intentionally grief your friends.  To my great horror, I had Devoit following me for at least ten minutes and I couldn't find a single place to kill him. I panicked like a junkie locked out of a methadone clinic. If anyone can find a place to kill unsuspecting people in the zone geometry, please, share it with me. Caladin is still gay. Let the games begin, indeed!  Ashk sets the best GMOTD.  (You probably don't want to type that URL at work unless you feel like being fired. Unless of course, Caladin is your boss.) You may wonder, does Casual talk about anything besides buttsecks, squirrels, and jublings? Actually, we do. Take this fascinating conversation about socio-political relationships and military history, for example.  In spite of killing Nefarian, Casual still believes in community service. That is why we are helping Dolores Gnome, the saddest little gnome on Hyjal. You see, Dolores just reached level 40 and hasn't a gold piece to her name.  To help Dolores pay for a new mount, I am asking you all to send 1 gold to Dolores via in-game mail. What's in it for you? If you can all raise enough money for Dolore's mount, I will post a picture of Keae's ass in the next update. She doesn't know I promised this yet, but oh well. I guess she'll find out when she reads this in the morning. |
You're a handsome devil.   Well, Mr. Neffy flew in a bit earlier than we anticipated, and despite Caladin's best attempts at assuaging him with promises of hair gel and shopping trips, he promptly went to town and slaughtered us. Fortunately, there were other dragons roaming about! We scampered on over to Duskwood. But Forgotten Aspects showed up as well. This is me standing next to Inchon, who is touching me. It made me uncomfortable in a repressed memory from summer camp kind of way.  Alas, our frollicking in strawberry fields was not meant to be.    When I was little, momma Digo told me that other kids only said mean things because they were jealous, and didn't understand me. This made me sad inside because other kids would say mean things when they just didn't know any better. I just want to be happy and play nice with other kids. Too bad Iorek says mean things about us.  That mean ol' Iorek of Forgotten Aspects was unhappy 'cause we brought the dragon out to share with everyone. But I think the real reason he's unhappy with us is 'cause he doesn't know how to kill Mr. Firemaw yet. (PSSST -- use the single file line exploit and you can bypass him. The other drakes are super-EZ mode.) Maybe these happy screenshots will make him laugh and then he'll feel happy inside again. Fun in Blackwing Lair!   Scary!  Exploits and illegal drugs!  Uh-oh! Dissension in the ranks!  And other random silliness!  Why, yes! The legion of digo and the fearsome PINK SQUIRRELS. We also have a new official guild drink. Caladin is having more domestic troubles.  Silly Digo being sneaky again.  Cephid is a beast! Oooh, look at the armor and attack power on that one.  Well, kids, that's all for now. You should all log in and say hello to Iorek. I think he could use some more friends. He's just bummed out that I've found true love and happiness with all my happy friends in Casual, the bestest guild in the universe. |
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Sometimes I get motivated to share the news with the rest of the world. Four hours, 140 screenshots, 18 beers and one hooker later, it just doesn't get done. Days become weeks, weeks become months, months become the painful existance we call 'Casual' and all of a sudden hundreds of images are sitting around. That said, i'll pawn off my laziness as 'nostalgia'! Before I continue, Cephid has returned to us after an extensive vacation liberating small mammals in Peru. To welcome him back, I found these screenshots from well over six months ago, and I dedicate them to the Cephid.    ------------------------------ The rampant stupidity displayed by many WoW players goes back to the beginning, or close to it. Jump to today and things aren't much different. Just more of them these days. Lots more.  Also going back a ways we find blatant Turnip harassment in the form of frog killing, amusing game bugs, guild motivation, and constructive game feedback.   (Duma's worst nightmare)     In some cases, my helpful feedback clearly enhanced game play as Blizzard eagerly and quickly remedied the situation. I have no doubt that they are rapidly working on other feedback I submitted.  ------------------------------ Insipid Names of Previous Days:   (can't step to Duma, beyotch!) Insipid Guilds of Previous Days:    (Ok ok, this was a good one!)   (1: jerk worthy, 2: cop-a-feel and 3: rape van?) ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)     Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)                       ------------------------------  Fact: Paladins can get stuck behind fire pots. Taking fire damage of course. |
Gasp! It's Lord Victor Nefarius, our delightfully pedestrian arch-nemesis! Perhaps after we kill you, we'll confront Emperor Evilus. Or Archduke Abominator. Or Conquerer Corruptus. Or Overlord Odious. Or Wascally Wickedus. Oh, the possibilities!    Very soon... Chromaggus is an interesting encounter. And by interesting, I mean it's just like a delightfully nauseating ride on the teacups as Disneyland.  The other nice part of this fight is that you have lots of time in between attempts (so your main tank can upgrade his video card drivers after crashing every 49 seconds) to tell stories.  Caladin also offers tactical advice:  A few wipes later (which were the fault of our restoration-specced druids, I might add!):    The best part of tonight was that Cephid -- our new feral druid -- walked away with the cloak AND shoulders. A travesty, you might say? The results of our Ebonroc fight:  If any of you druids out there are finding your guild opposed to your choice of spec, I say fuck them. Fuck them right in the ear. Someone needs to whore all this loot! Now if they would only stop pissing in the house and destroying our furniture...  Devoit on Chromaggus' Lair:  Reiss picked up this little toy from the Star Wars Kids:  The same Star Wars Kid Trio who in true we-still-wipe-to-single-Firelord-Casual-fashion, gave us some trouble earlier.  Just because we're playing with the big kids now doesn't mean we've forgotten the little people. We still do community service!  One time I was picking up on this really hot gamer chick by telling her I had the first Perdition's Blade in the Alliance on Hyjal. I thought she would be totally impressed and want to jump right into bed, full of uncontrollable lust. Instead she ended up fucking some guy who plays a level 32 druid. How fucked up is that? At least Eschin has better luck than I do.  Oh well. I guess Keae will have to do.  (Guys, let that be a lesson. Girls like it when you treat them like a jerk instead of fawning all over them. Send Keae a tell in game and she'll confirm this.) Sigh.  |
Feast your eyes on this, bitches.  Isn't the photoshop work on that terrible? Everyone else in Casual thought so too, but I bet it made Iore.... Forgotten Aspects shit their collective pants and that's all that counts.  Keae is so naughty. I'm so glad we found each other. You have no idea what it's like to wake up next to a girl wondering which part of your soul she's going to eat today and like it. Anyhoo, on with the dead dragons!    Blessing of Salvation, what would we do without you?  We also got two of these, which went to our two resident warlocks.  So like, if anyone actually still plays a warlock and wants to apply, we are recruiting. More evidence to support the completely obvious:  Someone asked me yesterday if I was the guild leader of Casual. In fact, I am not. I am merely their animal totem spirit. And if you know me at all by now, you know what animal that woud be. THE DREADED NINJA SQUIRREL  This cracked me up:  For the troglodytes mouthing the words along at home, it means that lovely new speed hax program you downloaded is transmitting all your account information to unscrupulous rang-rangs who will then strip your character before the eyes of all your friends, leaving you naked and compromised, just like that time at camp you hoped no one would ever know about. Or even better, for the retards visiting one of the many fine gold-selling websites advertising WOW GOLD CHEAPEST PRICES EVAR!!! that create accounts with the exact same login information as your play account, I can only blame bike helmets for your survival and continued befoulment of our genepool. And now, inspired by tonight's obligatory Chromaggus train:   |
I channel most of my rage into creative endeavors.   During raids, we often take short breaks. Taloola clarifies things for us.  And Ashk shares her home life. Not like I would ever take anything out of context.  Keae, you are a naughty little girl.   |
DUMB LIZARD DOWN OMG  We got this from Vaelastrasz.  I can't believe this is actually BWL loot. Maybe if it was like a goodie bag prize that even the fat kids get for coming. Cool! Now you'll have full mana when you're done spamming moonfire and running away. Honestly, we could have had a dagger or tank helm for that. Happy cat is swiftly running out of happy. Oh, and while I'm bitching about loot, we've gotten at least one pair of paladin bracers every time from Razorgore in the six times we've killed him. Now let's say Razorgore only dropped one bracer per kill. Statistic geeks, please correct me if I'm wrong, but if that were the case, the chances of Razorgore dropping paladin bracers 6/6 times would be 1/46,656. In any case, I think God hates us.  Parker Lewis failed me so I called up Icarium on the phone and said "Hey, Icarium, remember how we went to get sushi last week?" And Icarium was like "Yeah, Furor got mad at me for spilling his quail eggs and eating all the crunchy stuff and Rodion drank all our sake." So I was like "But Icarium, you ate a bird fetus." And Icarium was like "Digo, you're right. I feel so bad. I'm a baby bird killer." So I was like "Well dude, that's okay because Sabrina likes you." Warning, do not click the following link if you are at a place or work or worship because she writes about Paris Hilton bleaching her asshole and stuff. No really, I warned you. Nymphomania or Narcolepsy? Fond memories of my undead boyfriend aside, we trudged on to Ebonroc's abode and came face to face with the Star Wars Kid Trio. I don't have any fancy shmancy videos with death metal soundtracks of these fat fucks running around, so you'll just have to use your imagination.     We think we've got a strat down.    Seriously, another update soon with a new pair of lizard-skin boots. Or gloves. Whatever. In case you haven't noticed, Casual is sporting a new look these days, courtesy of master fashionista Turnip!  Is this not the greatest thing you have ever laid eyes on? Expect more breath-taking fashions in the weeks to come! Random evidence that Caladin is gay.  Inle of Forgotten Aspects posted on our boards, speculating about the nature of my relationship with Keae. I don't think Keae was pleased.  She was just kidding, Inle. Keae isn't that tight. I'm so sleeping on the couch for that. Anyway, Dispholidus, also known as Discosteve, also known as Lt. Dan shares his thoughts on the alliance.  My sister has become a theme in guild chat. Having a hot teenage sister is bad, but it's even worse when all of your friends find out. It's like all your friends jerking off into your baseball glove when you're not looking and there's nothing you can do to stop them.   But then again, Ulfius probably isn't smart enough to date my sister.  TOM CRUISE IS DEAD.   As you might expect, we get awfully bored clearing Molten Core every week. So we resort to anecdotes and DIGO'S TRIVIA TIME to amuse us.    As you may or may not know, Kais is one of our officers. He is a decent fellow, pleasant and convivial (that's a euphemism for alcoholic). But he does have one major shortcoming.  I thought that surely the helpful Game Masters could help us with this critical issue. And yes, I realize I spelled pronunciation wrong. I was dismayed at the response.  Just when you thought it would be safe to return to the Gurubashi Arena!  Apparently, the Brotherhood of the Chest has caused emotional damage in some of our younger alliance friends.  I'm going sleepy time now. |
The quality of television programming has been in a steady nosedive since 1993 when the best show in the history of entertainment met a sudden, tragic, and eschatological demise. Sunday nights would never be the same.  Like poor Kubiac being scolded for some naughty misdeed, we had hung our heads in shame for too long. Finally, the hour of redemption was upon us. After turning down our texture settings, we pulled ourselves up by our rainbow-colored shoelaces and marched straight back into Blackwing Lair to show that fucking hatchery we would not be undone by the agony of 1 FPS. Onward, to Broodlord Lashlayer!  Okay, so maybe our first run didn't go as well as could be hoped. We put our collective heads together, threw a few numbers around, and went back at him!  With the power and spirit of Corin Nemec... and some guidance from THE KUBE  to guide us, we emerged victorius!  The loots.  We could have called it a night there and retired happily to the barracks, but that would be quitting, and God hates quitters. But he loves strippers, and so do I.  Speaking of things I like.  Honestly, I get the weirdest tells.     Jesus H. Christ on a tricycle, enough about my sister. It's time for everyone's favorite A.D.D black drake, FIREMAW!  After much pain and running away like burning rats fleeing a sinking ship, we figured out a strat and found a good spot to park his scaly ass. Gentlemen, synchronize Swatches! And sacrifice a squirrel!  It's time to SLAY THE DRAGON.   I think I know what went wrong. We had called upon the power of Parker and Kube, but forgot all about the hotness of Principal Musso!  Maybe next time we'll even invoke the name of Shelly Lewis, Parker's little sister, who also happened to play the little brat sister in one of my favorite movies, ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING.  Now for random wackiness. What's wrong with this picture?     Trilly and I have a mature discussion about the upcoming weapon speed changes.    Never underestimate the importance of a well-equipped gay druid. Seriously, did you know Caladin blow dries his hair and admitted he would wear women's jeans if only he had butt-implants? These are your friends and neighbors.  Oh yes, I almost forgot. Q: What do you get when you have a group of ADHD rogues, a hallway of mobs that don't see through stealth, and an unsuspecting raid?        Ganren, you are a bad monkey. I'll leave you with this.   |
Do you remember a guy that's been In such an early song I've heard a rumour from Ground Control Oh no, don't say it's true  We plowed ahead on the way to Broodlord Lashlayer, but had our progress cut short after an "accidental" pull.  Time stopped. Sort of.  Here at Casual, we've discovered that the key to overcoming any encounter is the proper soundtrack.  Not only does Binks have outstanding musical taste, but he offers all sorts of insightful commentary into the itemization of WoW. Ordinn, hire this man.  Typical guildchat fare, followed by a tell I could have lived without.  Garlic the Bodhisattva.  No you cannot have my pants. They belong to Keae. Speaking of which, I noticed earlier tonight that our guild is full of happy couples. Taloola + Pron Macros + Shikara Ashk + Kerai (admit it, just bone already) Digo + Keae Ulfius + my sister Telein + Krysten Turnip + Spleh Colleen + Katie Holmes Von + the release button There is much entertainment to be had in playing them against each other.  Krysten and her barman's shanker -- the bane of arachnids everywhere.  Speaking of dead spiders:  I guess people are having trouble with this encounter, based on the number of pleading tells we've received in the past few days. To be honest, we cheated and got leet strats off some French chick on Craigslist to kill this spindly bitch.  Colleen took Craigslist a step further:  If you've never checked out the Craigslist Missed Connections page, I apologize in advance, because you are not getting any work done for the rest of the day. 7-11, Mt Dew and a Moped - m4m Reply to: anon-97656790@craigslist.org Date: 2005-09-15, 1:10AM PDT You were in front of me at 7-11 buying a Mt Dew and a pack of cigs. Then you got on your moped. Not sure if you were stalling around outside, but thought you were cute either way. Hey man, you know how I know you're gay? You pick up on other guys with your moped in front of 7-11. In other news, Kiwiberry's fate seems entwined with my own. This is an actual letter I received in the mail from a guild leader.  Caladin watches Labyrinth (starring David Bowie's crotch) for the first time.  Caladin, you know how we know you're gay?  I'll leave you with this.  |
In the past month alone, we have disenchanted the following loot: Nemesis Skullcap x2 Wild Growth Spaulders x4 Cenarion Gloves x2 Felheart Slippers x2 Drillborer Disk Obsidian Edged Blade x2 Cenarion Leggings Cenarion Boots x2 Essence of the Pure Flame x2 Sorcerous Dagger Felheart Slippers x2 Ancient Cornerstone Grimoire Netherwind Crown Felheart Shoulder Pads Ancient Petrified Leaf x2 Breastplate of Might Shadowstrike Nightslayer Gloves Ring of Binding Dragonstalker's Helm Felheart Pants x2 Helm of Wrath Felheart Shoulder Pads Nightslayer Cover Hilarious isn't it? I think so too! The application forums are thataway.  Anyway...  So Razorgore died again.  It was tough, and we had a few setbacks along the way:  In truth, it was the Jublings that won the battle.  Allow me to digress a moment about this fight. People complain that mmorpgs are boring at the raid level because all anyone does is mash the same buttons over and over again, that classes need more diverse abilities to make their class role more interesting. "Omg all I do is spam icebolt the whole time." Yes, well, all I do is spam backstab and feint the whole time. It's not much different. This is not a class challenge. It's an encounter design challenge. I never, ever thought I'd say this, and God forgive me, but I want more raid encounters like Razorgore the Untamed. It requires far more ad hoc action, situational awareness, and use of all class abilities than any other raid encounter in the game. Or any game I can think of, for that matter. Anyway, enough uncharacteristic positivity. On with the ranting about why this encounter is bullshit: 1. Randomness of dragonkin spawns sucks ass. Getting 10 dragons in 2 minutes is not not fun. So now you have 10 dragons running around for 5+ minutes with unlimited hate built up on your healers. Keep the orc spawns random, but make the dragon spawns static on a timeline. 2. A 360 degree cleave by Razorgore against melee who are out of range is not fun. Taking 3,000 damage from a melee cleave attack when you have backed up enough to SHOOT YOUR BOW is not fun. I don't know if this attack is a normal AE or directional-based attack. Intentional or a bug, either way, it makes even Caladin look straight.  People are always asking me why I like Kiwiberry. Because he makes me laugh with tells like this.  Can you blame him? I don't know about you, but I certainly can't focus without a little wanking. And neither can Reiss, it seems.  Sure, Reiss. Sure. I've often wondered about that myself. Why is buttsecks so appealing? What is it that makes it feel so good? Why would it matter how big your weiner is during buttsecks? Wouldn't your partner want you to have a smaller weiner for purposes of comfort? Am I just being hopeful?  Apparently not. I'm honestly not sure what to make of these messages I got the other day. Should I be worried? Is this indicative of our reputation as a guild? Or is it just me?   Honestly, I don't know why night after night our guild chat gravitates into the black hole of buttsecks. So to speak. Our officers even use it as a motivational device.  Is this unusual? Why does every guild I join fixate on sodomy? Speaking of sodomites:   Speaking of Ulfius, this young man crashes more often than army helicopter pilots and Courtney Love combined. Seriously, I could set my watch by "This is Ulfius, I just crashed" on voice chat. So it was suggested that we screw the hurricane victims and take up a collection.  My little sister may be an emo myspace whore that uses the word "like" as punctuation, and thinks Hemingway is some kind of purse collection, but she has standards. I would never let her date anyone with less than a T3 connection. Speaking of myspace, this was linked to me by Krysten. I think it is quite possibly one of the worst myspace profiles I have ever seen, and completes every cliche the intertr0n has to offer. BEHOLD! Now I understand why there are so many stupid shows and movies released every year. Because people like this exist, and apparently in vast numbers. I mean, her fucking page name is LIP GLOSS ADDICT, and she can't even spell that right. Trilly offers godly DPS with a side of sarcasm.  Meifumado puts it best.  Did you know that Americans who go abroad pretend not to be American?  Some conversations defy commentary. I'm know this is funny somehow, but I can't express why. Someone help me.  Turnip: possibly the only person with less tact than myself. (Note: this is in Molten Core, about two pulls before Sulfuron.)  My girlfriend Keae, keeping it real in the Gurubashi arena.  |
 It's like playing Russian Roulette with that Carson guy from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy pulling the trigger for you. Oh yeah, we're still recruiting a couple people. Mostly Druids, Paladins, and Warlocks. We still have loot for these classes rotting every week in Molten Core. |
How to Annoy People: Digo's Guide to Being the #1 PVPer  There are many noteworthy reasons to play a fantastic game such as World of Warcraft. Passive entertainment value, escapism from one's mediocre life, repressed homosexual urges, overcompensation by way of e-peen, the list goes on and on.  But my reason (and therefore the best) for playing World of Warcraft (or any MMORPG) is to annoy people. The road to annoyance is a long and perilous one, fraught with great danger and the ever-present threat of being docked DKP or even exiled from your guild. It's a difficult, lonely path sometimes, but choosing this one has made all the difference. A bohdisattva one said that no knowledge is worth acquiring if not to be shared. I'm not sure what that means, and I'm not even sure if I spelled bohdisattva right, but that's not the point. The point is, I am going to teach you the fine art of annoying people to bring your World of Warcraft game to an entirely new level of achievement.  1) Forums are an often under-appreciated form of PVP. While offering to resurrect trusting newbies into the Gurubashi arena and then immediately backstabbing them for 1,800 damage and listening to their cries of anguish can be satisfying, there is nothing quite so deeply pleasing as disrupting the play-experience of what I like to call "The Strength and Honor" types. The S&H player is characterized by their overdependence on their in-game reputation for validation, and automatically assume that everyone else takes the game just as seriously as they do. These people, my friends, are excellent prey for the adept forum PVP warrior. Let's say you have a courageous Night Elf druid mangina whose name is a dreadful amalgamation of unpronounceable vowels. Any time this druid princess attacks your unblemished character on the forums, you are never to reply with a coherent, reasoned argument. No one ever won a flame war with reason or logic. What you need is pure inspired vitriol. Dig deep down to your third-grader roots and look deep inside for those bone-cutting insults that made Stacey the fat girl eat herself sick on icecream, ballooning up to a delicate 400 pounds in her formative years. My friends, that kind of insult will be the order of the day.  For example, Aeowyniaieanassa the Night Elf druid princess writes: "OMG.. I can't believe you are trying to feed this BS to people. Do you understand that new people play this game all the time? You or any other cocky bad attitude player don't know the difference between a new player and a long time player. Just because you "think" you know it all doesn't give you or anyone else the right to talk bad or down towards someone. I am not jealous over computer images that make a computer image look pretty. OMG, it's just a game! You sound like a 12 year old. I don't care for it because it's not going to affect me in the real world. You should think about taking some Psychology and Socialogy classes." Well ouch, that was a scathing flame if I've ever seen one! How should we reply? With a reasonable defensive argument? For shame! As the new #1 Forum PVPer, you are going to admit nothing, deny everything, and most importantly, make counteraccusation! *Ahem* What's the difference between you and a kitten? It's a sad day when a kitten dies. I can picture you slumped over your rickety computer hutch, fat fingers mashing away on your Cheeto-stained keyboard, brushing Fatkins diet bar wrappers aside in your bloodlust to teach me a lesson. Keep at it Bessy, sweat lubricates the folds in your gelatinous turkey arms which only make it easier to shuffle over to the fridge when it's time for a mid-raid snack. See how easy that was? That's just a tiny taste of how you can totally avoid the topic, ignore logic or reason, and wholly infuriate a serious roleplayer in less than 100 words! 2) Devise completely absurd new strategies for your guild to attempt, and swear you heard it works from someone who works at Blizzard. Watch the hilarity ensue, but do try to keep a straight face when they all die.  3) Keep hope alive for the clueless.  4) Keep conversation fresh, interesting, and repellant whenever possible. Feign shocked disbelief when people act offended. The Fifth Amendment is there for a reason, unless you're a Canadian in which case you are a worthless Eskimo and undeserving of basic human rights.  5) Drinking is really cool. Get totally wasted, then log in and let all your guild mates know how drunk you are. Ignore the CAPSLOCK and chatter away like a chipmunk on cocaine about the totally obvious.  6) Abandon your serious PVPer guildmates in the heat of battle, leaving them to die at the hands of innumerable and inferior horde while you scamper off to take care of more pressing (and sometimes bright and shiney!) matters.  (Be sure to scream right back at them when they remove you from the group for negligence and letting them die. Insult their personal beliefs and let them know they are generally inferior as a person.) 7) Abuse the mechanics of poorly implemented content for maximum effect, all while roleplaying the part of a chivalrous knight! Be sure to adhere to policy so you can report all the mean kids that call you a noobie faggit without fear of reprisal from those sneaky GMs.  8) Do your best to maintain the integrity of the written word. Be sure to help point out glaring flaws in others. Remind them of it.  9) Choose like-minded allies who will aid you in your quest to annoy people. Admirable traits include: good map-pinging skills, uncanny squirrel noises  , and free bandwidth. 10) Make outrageous, unreasonable demands of your friends and guildmates.  Then be sure to petition in to the GMs with your bug report, because they've probably never heard about that copper node right outside Ironforge that keeps getting you stuck every time you try to mine it.  Follow these simple steps and you'll be well on your way to being a #1 PVPer. Remember, you came here to annoy people! World of Warcraft is cheaper than the bars and vastly more entertaining! And now, random stuff that didn't really go anywhere else, but I thought was funny anyway.      And now, keeping with tradition, a random Myspace pic. Okay so it's not totally random. It came from the profiles of some stupid girl that randomly tried to add me to her pokemon card friends list. God this picture is awesome. (Note: she is the one in the middle with fake tits and sprayed-on tan, I think.)  Stay classy, Hyjal. |
Cephid is a druid. Cephid is in Casual. Cephid is an officer. Of these facts, the only one that matters is, he is a druid and affords no respect. It is in the guild bylaws that all druids must be treated like second class citizens or asian gold farmers. As a good guild member, I follow this rule explicitly.  As master of the DKP system, Cephid is always recording if you are sitting out on a raid or will be tardy. As such, it is important to randomly send him tells during raids reminding him that you are sitting out and that you would like credit for being there anyway. Since raids have a lot going on, it is best to send him the message many times to ensure he does not miss it.   As a druid, Cephid has to fill the role of healer sometimes. Unfortunately for us, he isn't the most gifted healer at times and he lets his emotions get in the way of his duty to keep me alive.   Cephid has also taken on the role of Potion Master for our guild. Being a flower picker and alchemist, he is the 'man' to see if you need these wonderful elixirs for raids. Since rare herbs are easy to get (the AH is full of them!), it is best if you stock up on extras, "just in case".  I think it would be unbecoming of me to say that Cephid whines. That is simply too polite and doesn't express the extent of which he can sound like a six year old with a skinned knee.  Cephid's Tale Many moons ago, Cephid was a druid during beta. He grouped with the slutty Turnip (previously known as Mole) and the spry Spleh. After braving Darkshore and assorted areas, Cephid began harassing us to quest in Ashenvale. For some reason he seemed to take a liking to the land of druids, nature and all things sissy. After a week of nagging, we finally gave in and completed the stupid quests. The only worthwhile thing was this rod that transmogrified me into a Furbolg, but it only had three stinkin' charges. Last day of beta I used them and played the role of furry for Cephid. Time passes, the game goes live, and Cephid does the Ashenvale quests again. He is a happy druid, hugging trees and chasing rabbits or whatever flowery shit druids do. Cephid was probably the first on our server to get this lame rod of three charges and move on. The rest of the guild skips the stupid quest line and avoids the zone like a diseased hooker (hi selinar!). More time passes and the powers that be decide 3 charges of furry form isn't good, and they make it unlimited charges. Oh, did I mention Cephid destroyed his 3 charge version?  Try as he might, the little druid who could can't repeat the quest, can't get the rod back, and has no recourse but to live out his lonely life w/o ever experiencing the joy of furbolg form again. As you can imagine, Cephid developed some bitterness over this. As more and more of our guild went back to complete the quest, the resentment grew to epic proportions. Now, the mere mention of Dartol's sends him into a fit of rage, kicking and slapping his anime pillow in anger. As you can guess, this is pure amusement for the rest of us and we have no ability to control our taunting. Rumor is Oliver Stone has purchased the movie rights to this tragic tale, and will be casting Gary Coleman for the role of Cephid.  Long story short, if you are ever in a bad mood and need a quick way to brighten your gaming experience, link the Dartol's Rod of Transformation to Cephid. Twice.  After all my time of knowing Cephid (four years of Everquest, WoW beta, and WoW live), I have had a long term goal to make him break down. By 'break down', I mean slice his wrists in resignation, grab a 9mm and go postal at the local anime shop, or at the very least drive him to drink heavily. I failed at all three. Fortunately, his shitty ISP was the straw that broke the druid's back.  ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)  Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)        ------------------------------  |
The Horde don't really understand just how good they have it. I know, you are already grumbling "you haven't seen the horde side of things", but I have! I have a hot goth slut rogue and spent my share of time on your side. Even after that, I can assure you, for the most part our side is full of the mentally challenged (2 points for being PC!).  I know it sounds condescending and elitist to say such things, but let's face it, some folks in this world are blessed with intelligence, and others were not so fortunate. As a result they may be well built or extremely attractive or the ability to juggle racoons so they make up for it in life while suffering slightly diminished intelligence.  With the human race enjoying a slightly more polluted gene pool these days, it stands to reason that a small percentage of our society will be significantly more lacking in mental facilities. Ok enough mincing words, they are knuckle dragging mouth breathers who risk serious bodily injury when using complicated devices such as a toaster.  Drowning in a sea of stupidity, many of us in Casual will often take time out of our busy day in an attempt to further enrich the lives of these people. We will give them tips on the proper use of confusing words, assist them in spelling and explain the subtle nuances of our language.  Some members of the Alliance lead me to believe that they play WoW under the influence of mind altering drugs or copious amounts of liquor. While a person is free to do as they please in their own home, they often forget that these virtual actions are seen by others and may negatively impact their opinion.  World of Warcraft is not a difficult game by any means. Achieving level 60 and completing most quests can be done by 8 year olds (many have). Figuring out WoW isn't like mastering the games of Chess or Go. Despite this, some members of Alliance still struggle over the complex mechanics of the game.  Forgiving such idiocy for a minute, one might expect the apes infesting our server to at least be consistant in their blather. With such wildly different spellings of common game terms, one has to wonder if they suffer from such rampant stupidity at work or school, and how they manage to get by.  As time passes, the moral decay of the net is still progressing rapidly. Like many others, I trace this decay back to the days of AOL who opened up the world of the 'inner net' to masses of kids who felt that taking keyboard shortcuts saved them incredible amounts of time. One day you might read "Oh, I see you ate one too!", the next you read "O I C U 8 1 2 LOL LOL LOL". This type of crap infests every online game, but seems particularly ingrained in WoW. When asked why they use 'u' or 'r' as shortcuts, the typical response indicates the person types with two fingers or English isn't their first language. News flash: 'u' and 'r' in that context are not words in any language. Apathetic slug.  Even when these ass hats figure out spelling (for the most part), they just don't get it. Etiquette and basic understanding of social interaction eludes them.  If you think I am the only one that feels this way, think again! As time passes, more and more players realize the truth.  To be fair, sometimes our own guild chat will degrade into off beat "potty" humor, but next to general chat (even in Molten Core), it just doesn't hold a candle.  I know I know, "just ignore them"! Easier said than done. Unfortunately for us, such stupidity can severely impact our gaming experience.   ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)         ------------------------------   |
 So I was sifting the cat box and the topic of PVP inexplicably came to mind again. Couple months later, you'd expect the bigger game impacting bugs to be worked out and for the current implementation to be a good idea what they had in mind. Passing final judgement on week old content isn't really fair, so waiting this long should be reasonable.  I guess picking on a company reportedly taking in US$60 million for stupid typos may seem silly, but for the penny pinchers out there, free spell checkers are available. elibigle! Let's start with Alterac Valley. The idea of 40x40 PVP with sub quests, long term strategy and coordinated attacks is fabulous. Unfortunately, it was implemented poorly. By poorly I really mean fucking stupid. Two months later, several patches later, and several of us decided to give it a Warsong .. I could write pages. One map? On an instance designed to be repeated so often? Was coming up with 3 maps that would randomly rotate too much to ask for? Terrain bugs galore. Not only the kind that are exploitable, the kind that make some spells worthless (blink). Three special buffs, and those aren't even random placement? Bugs in flag mechanics that let one side get 2 flags at once? Race conditions that let one side turn in a flag two seconds after their flag was taken by the opposition?  Overall, a queue system written by first year programmers? No penalty for /afk'ing out of an instance? Taking two months to realize queue NPC's in major cities was beneficial to PVP instance acceptance? Weak PVP awards? Overly harsh penalty when a jackass runs a civlian into your AE spells? Now, exactly how many months did it take to get these instances setup and available? How much planning and testing was there? Again, most of these bugs and annoyances we found the first week. Why didn't you? The problem most of us have isn't that new content has bugs, we expect that and would be quite scared if we didn't find any. The problem is that the bugs should have been obvious the first few minutes of testing (properly). The problem is you have hundreds, if not thousands, of experienced players that would be happy to beta test this for you. Grabbing 40 of your GMs to run a raid doesn't necessarily mean you have a good testing squad. Word on the street is some of your GMs are nice as a mound of moles, but dumb as a fucking rock when it comes to high end content. Send those folks to volunteer for meals on wheels, let your experienced players test the content. Oh, that doesn't mean grab the first 40 L60's that volunteer either. Getting L60 is trivial, it doesn't show a player can figure out raid encounters. ANYWAY .. sorry for the rant folks, back to more amusement. There are two types of PVP in this world. PVP we like, and PVP we miss. It's probably not rocket science to figure out given all the druid-like whining by Casual members (me included!) on the forums. In case you are a bit 'challenged' like the typical alliance person.. [PVP We Miss]  While we won that specific battle, there were plenty that we lost. When FoH or FA or EE brought their a-game, the matches were fast paced and a challenge. This is the good stuff! FUN PVP WRU(tm).  On the other hand, most of our days now are spent in a sort of PVP hell. Often times this involves waiting for up to 45 minutes to get in, only to have the match last five minutes because the horde /afk out. I understand that some don't want a long drawn out battle, but some of you gimps are not that good, and it isn't a long battle. Then you say "we don't want to get steam rolled". Boo fuckin hoo! What if the alliance pickup groups started all afk'ing out every single time? And you wonder why we are prone to camp the zone in spot, graveyard, or outside your instance? We want HK just like you, and those are about the only places to get them lately.   Sissies. But, on a more amusing note, in fine Casual hax0ring tradition, i'd like to expose Valkie for the cheating whore that he is.  ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)  (No no, it's "white, uptight, and out of sight". Jeez, can't even get a tampon joke right)   (if you ever wonder why he smiles so much..) Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)       ------------------------------   |
Greetings, salutations and other pleasantries! It's been a while since I stopped in to update the masses about the happenings of Casual. As usual, this will be less news about the guild accomplishment minutia and more about the social side of Casual. A lot has happened in the three months since I last wrote, again proving that our guild is one fluid motion of change. In case you haven't heard the rumors, Blokk and Jujak, two of our officers who lead most of our raids have retired from the game. Rumor says they have sold their accounts on E-bay, taken a vow of silence and moved to Guam to start a new religious sect based on snow peas, mercury and anal foreplay. To those spreading such rumors, fuck you. They are moving to Costa Rica (the rest is true). Their future plans aside, i'd like to take this opportunity to thank them on behalf of Casual. Love them, hate them, or molest them, the fact is they put in a lot of time and endured many headaches to make our guild happen, and for that we say thanks. With their departure, Cephid and Turnip decided to find new scapegoats for the officer pool (those two are the real puppet masters) and decided to promote from within. First up was Selinar, no doubt picked so that Cephid had a druid ally in a position of power, so that their 'nature regime' could continue to thrive (was re: gay pact). Second up was Ashk, no doubt picked so that Turnip had a priest ally (scapegoat) in a position of power (scapegoat), so that their 'pay us for our healing service' had more clout (was re: scapegoat). Third up was .. Kais?! Is he even in casual??  We're sure they will lead us onward to more glory and phat lewtz. Fortunately for us, Ashk walks to the beat of a different drummer and will bow to no one.  As for that "Kais" person (is he even in our guild?!), I advise you to steer clear from him.  ------------------------------ For you unguilded heathens, we are still recruiting (a very very few of select classes)! FORTUNE SMILES AND SHIT. Before you click past this to our forums to apply, let me give you some friendly guidance on applying to our guild.  Joking aside, Casual is probably not the guild for you. That's right, odds are against you ever joining us. We want solid players. Solid players who fit in our ranks. Ranks of people who spell out 'you' and 'your'. Your mother for example. Ok bad example, we just used her to break in Neji.   A few things that will help you. Someone in Casual who can vouch for you. This means, an actual member, not someone who claimed we invited them and they turned us down. Spelling out words and avoiding the rabid kiddy AOL speak infesting the game. Plz, 4 the luv of god, spell things out. Know the name of the guild you are applying to. After you are done laughing, realize that I added this for a reason. Last, send Turnip poems and flowers in mail. She eats that shit up and it's the fastest way to win her over. ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)  (We're a bit rough on applicants)  (Visualize whirled peas)  (that includes 'u' dipshit) Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)   (you grab the wings..)   (trilly plays a healer in the spare time)  (trilly now understands this) ------------------------------  (If you line up single file and move slowly, you can sneak past all the trash mobs in MC) |
From time to time everyone leads a double life Superman Batman Level 1 Trolls Some people hide behind fake names to protect thier reputations Or thier families Others wear womens underwear But enough about me PRESENTING Von Mage of Casual  .....and you thought we couldn't get it |
Eager to sink your teeth into end-game raid content like a fat kid in a swimming pool, floundering after a delicious apple?  Super! We are too! We are recruiting possibly one or two of every class except rogues or priests. In addition to the usual requirements, we have a few new standards. - Must be able to attend 90% of the raids (5-7 days a week). - Must know and be in good standing with a few Casual Members. - Must be familar with the content (ie - you have cleared most of Molten Core). - (Super secret requirement to be announced later; involves small mammals.) - No AOL speak. To clarify, this means you spell out "you, why, because, before," et cetera. You do not end every sentence with LOL. You do not use emoticons whenever possible. You understand sarcasm. - Correctly identify the following animal:  Talk to Cephid, Turnip, Jermz, Selinar, Kais, Ashk, or (if you're brave) me in game if you have questions. |
 I'd like to give a quick shout out to the "20 people" who view this page from Haxz! Thanks for keeping it real. In other news, we've been grinding it out in BWL the past few days trying to beat a non-buggy, non-laggy Razorgore encounter. Not many guilds in the game have beaten this encounter without lag assistance, or bugged encounters leaving up only a few eggs to actually dispose of, or no 5 second delay on the destroy egg function. While the repair bots of the world have been rejoicing, our results have been less than spectactular. Until tonight! May I present you with the SERVER first non-bugged kill of Razorgore 2.0  To be continued... |
Looking for one really good paladin. Requirements 1. Ability to raid a lot. (A LOT) 2. Need to be spec'd as such that you have 15min BoS. 3. PST raid time preferred, in other words if mommy wants you in bed by 8pm, don't waste your time. 4. Don't suck. If you think you have what it takes, MSG Binks in game for a good old fashioned grilling. If you make it past him, then he'll refer you to come post an application. Looking for one or two really good druids. Requirements 1. Ability to raid a lot. (A LOT) 2. Need to be spec'd as such that you have Innervate & Nature's Swiftness. 3. PST raid time preferred, in other words if mommy wants you in bed by 8pm, don't waste your time. 4. Don't suck. If you think you have what it takes, MSG Cephid in game for a good old fashioned grilling. If you make it past him, then he'll refer you to come post an application. |
Today's theme is PvP. It's brought to you by the letters "A" "F" & "K". It seems our horde brethren who have always been clearly superior than us in every way, hence the reason Alliance is called "EZ Mode" have come up with an ingenius warning system. A warning system you say? No, we're not talking bad weather, hurricanes, tornados, terrorist attacks. We're talking about a warning system for <Casual>!    Yes, as you can see not only do the horde run from us in PvP, but they have a nice little warning system to alert the other gimps that the big bad machine that is <Casual> is waiting for them. It's been quite a while since we here at <Casual> have introduced you to a server idiot. There is literaly thousands to choose from, but today... Today I bring you something special. It's not often we get to interact with the Horde scum, but through the use of my ninja spy "Afkoutitzcsl" I have the pleasure of showing you the "other side" I now have the honor of introducing you to Grache! As you can see in this first picture, he is posing gloriously after /AFK'ing out of a match with <Casual>  Here is just the first of what I hope is many conversations with this fine individual for your viewing pleasure.  Oh Mr. Grache, we like you now... Oh how we like you now. Moving right along... We here at <Casual> have a sizable amount of people who really enjoy PvP combat almost as much as PvE encounters. Sadly, these days 75% of our matches are against zero horde, or seriously gimped groups with 1/2 their numbers in a continuous /AFK loop. There is one notable exception. <Fires of Heaven> Now, FoH has a nice core group of PvP minded people as well. And they have a nice match for us in gear, probably even outgearing our ranks to some extent but not by a large margin. They employ good group tactics, and they never leave their wingmen! Every match is fought tooth and nail. Both teams leaving everything on the battlefield. We lose some, we win some. Overall, they've probably won a few more over the lifetime of our matches. But there is never and surrender in either team. Of course, with any competition there is drama. We've been accused of exploiting, cheating, hacking, etc. And we've believed the other side has done the same. We've SS'd people in unreachable places, and they have SS'd people in unreachable places. We have both witnessed many things I'm sure. They hate our paladins, we hate their shamans. It's the same story you've heard countless times. So tonight, after watching FoH /afk from two matches in a row with us, I chat a bit with some of my friends in FoH. They say it's late and they don't want a long drawn out fight, but some quick easy cp's. Sounds like a good plan to me. I'm not really in the mood for a long match either. So the 3rd time rolls around and they don't AFK out! Hmmm... Something strange is afoot here... Well, crap... Here goes another hour long stalemate... We're gonna lose this match no doubt. The class makeup just isn't there, but we will at the very least get some good cp from the high ranking FoH players. They pull a nice backdoor maneuver and their shaman and his travel form escape to a relatively early flag cap. The flags are placed at their bases. The rush comes into our heavily defended base. The flag carrier is down. But before the flag hits the ground, Rodion is off and running. He is stopped within seconds and drops the flag again. But low and behold before in .0000002 seconds torrid has picked up the flag is is blinking away. Now folks, I've played hundreds of CTF's. And there is only 2 people I've ever seen pick up flags before they can even touch the ground. Especially when surrounded by 6 people who are much closer to the flag than they are. You know when something isn't right. It's not the first time this has happened. It happens just about every match one of these mages are in. Experience tells a person when something is amiss. Common sense tells you when you're right. After watching in absurd disappointment, the members of <Casual> could not believe what they were seeing. Folks, it was time to /AFK out. After all of the accusations of cheating, and hacks, and scripts, etc. To see them take place right before our eyes. Oh we've seen Axz use the FD bug to make the flag disappear, but that isn't a very useful exploit unless you're too stupid to realize he still has it. This is a deal breaker. If guys want to win that bad, that they have to cheat. Then they can win the match without an opponent. I hope you enjoyed that hollow sploited victory. But tonight, for the first time there is an admission of guilt!  As you'll see in the next picture I seem to have struck a nerve! Our good buddy Axz has logged on an alliance alt before to talk about sploits, etc concerning <Casual>. As just another hypocritical whiner, this is just days before he begins his FD sploiting splurge in CTF. He is a bit peeved. And then someone named "Tevl" decides to really tell us what they think!  Oh trust me. There will be judge's gavel, there will be MC + BoP, and everything else from now on. You gimps wanna play dirty, dirty you shall have it. Or will you just continue to AFK out from the only Alliance that beats you? Farm those easy CP, your dirty little secrets are safe with me. No one will know, I promise. Just one man, doing my part to keep the drama alive. Until next time, keep it gimp. |
While Blokk's update portrayed our earlier (nerfed) triumphs inside Blackwing Lair, I thought I'd show the world what it's REALLY LIKE. This is the world that's been pulled over your eyes. I'm going to take you inside the instance, behind closed doors, to show you, the average god-fearing gamer, how deep the rabbit hole goes. Last night:   Well, glad to see our Everquest dragon-walling skills are intact. Tonight, we marched back into the lobby with guns, lots of guns. Tonight:   Wait, I hear something. It's Scooby Doo! What's that you said, Scoob?  It didn't seem we'd be progressing. Fond memories of what lay beyond danced through my tequila-addled brain. Oh, and RazorGore's Controller polymorphs you into a SQUIRREL! I was the first victim of squirrelification. Turnips reaction:  And the glorious Burning Adrenaline of the Corrupt Red Dragon!  What a considerate encounter! But it's quite alright, Vaelastrasz. No need to apologize for killing gnomes!  Oh, the memories...   Alas, we would not be seeing a repeat of the previous night's glory. This about sums up our evening:  Turnip on forum sigs.  Frustration sets in. We needed a release.  Heckling the locals.  Stimulating conversation with my favorite wench.  More fan mail, courtesy of Xeade:  Kiwiberry rules. I love this guy. Seriously.  Yep, you read that right. I am serving as a consultant for Kiwiberry's guild <TuXist>. "To Exist" is an existential guild, predicated on the postmodern ideals set forth by Michel Foucault and other didactic paradigm-shaping individuals, moulded into the paragon of excellence by none other than Kiwiberry and myself. It is not about the "will to loot," so much as "the will to exist." A complicated, fine guild to be sure. They will be raiding Molten Core by the beginning of August, so join while the joinin's good. So after a painful night in Blackwing Lair, I needed some release. I have created a new sport, hunting the fiercest creatures in all of Azeroth. SQUIRREL HUNTING  Send me your best pictures of hunting these noble, yet savage beasts by PM on the forums! |
With the release of BWL beta to the public realms, many new features have come to our attention. 1. Instant porting to your bind spots. 2. Instant cast spells now have a 20 second delay(thx lag!) 3. And boss mobs with AE death touch! 4. Numerous server side, scripting issues. 5. Oh yeah, and more phat loots. Without further ado, here is SS's of our first kills in BWL.     And then of course, the cockblokk(tm).  To be continued... |
Blokk was just joking about the closed recruitment thing. We are still very much in the process of recruiting dedicated individuals.   In other news, I have stalkers.  By demand, more arena hilarity.  One of my new favorite post-bloodbath and orgy STV conversations.  Tee hee.  I tried to get some camwhore pics.  Scary place? Not like I would share private pictures of naked ex-girlfriends or anything. (PM for those.) Oh well. Maybe there are some OTHER hot chicks on Hyjal that want to send me pics? Like this one.  Yes, that girl plays on Hyjal. No, I will not tell you who. No, I am not fucking her. At least, not until after her man comes clean and admits there is a reason he is such a snappy dresser and spends an hour on his hair every morning. But who needs hot chicks when you have barnyard friends?  Or leet hax0rs in your guild? (image removed 'cause agent smith showed up at mah door) Special thanks to Keae for some great screenshots and material. |
I'm so tired. So tired of living a lie. Tired of scarcely heard whispering and inquisitive glances. Tired of accusations and the minute attention given to lisps and dangled wrists. I'm tired of people pointing out what a snappy dresser I am and how cute a couple Murr and I make. God who were we kidding, pretending we could pull it off. Lying to our friends. To our families. Lying to girls. Murr to Fires of Heaven and me to anyone that would listen. I'm tired of having to keep this secret, this awful burden. I can't stand it anymore. I'm just so weary. I'm tired of people calling Murr and I out. I'm tired of pretending I'm something I'm not and tired of anal sex. It's time. It's time to put this charade to rest. No more lies. No more deceit. No more pretending and spinning tales. No more misleading the ones I love. May Murr have mercy on my soul. But it's time. I'm ready to admit it now. Finally I can rest. So here it is - an ending. My confession. Here goes ---- All was well in our secret love-making nest.  Then some random newbie I'd never seen stumbled upon us.   ... uncomfortable silence ...     Now, as they say, complications ensue...  The more the merrier, I guess. I mean, if we're going for total debasement... Why stop there?   Unfortunately, Dolores just wasn't comfortable with her sexuality. Maybe it was all those years of Catholic Schooling, coming back to haunt her.  When I think of what happened next, I'm recalled of that scene in VERY BAD THINGS when Jeremy Piven impales that hooker's skull on the towel hook in the bathroom. (A great movie, by the way.)  For my money, there is nothing so sweet as post-mortem coitus.    In other news...   Business as usual. |
In these times of much bloodshed and famine, where can a Gnome find some good beef? As always, my guildmates were full of ideas. But when all was said and done, we decided only the best would do for our fine group of farmers. The cheer went up for Thunderbluff!  The burgers were fantastic! Thanks Cairne! In other news... Since the designers of this game do not allow us to kill members of our own faction, we have had to derive creative ways to have an open PvP system. So an alliance was formed!  And the results are very, very satisfying.  |
If you would like to be considered as an applicant in the future, I would suggest getting to know <Casual> members through pickup groups, and lesser guild raids during the period in which recruitment is closed. This will greatly enhance your chances and speed at which your application is expedited when we are recruiting again. For the rest of us, it's time to stave off boredom until BWL hits. |
With the Battlegrounds proving somewhat less than engrossing, it falls on we, the evil powergamers of Casual to make life interesting on Hyjal.  Kat, I hope you're hot in real life, because I'm in love with you. Anyway, with buttsex out of the way...  I SAID, WITH BUTTSEX OUT OF THE WAY... I'd like to take a moment to introduce you all to Casual's newest charity organization, The Casual Make A Wish Foundation.  That's right! You see, friends, demons aren't all bad. They're just drawn that way. Keae (did all the hard work), Steyr (who did all the healing), Selinar (play by play announcements), and I (attention whore) decided our first charitable act would be to take a poor damned demon and bring him to the great city of Ironforge, so he could meet all the wonderful folks in the Hyjalian Alliance.  We brought the poor demon all the way from the war-torn Blasted Lands...  Through the spooky ravines of Deadwind Pass...  To the magnificent gates of Ironforge!  But it seems that the alliance wasn't too warm in their greeting of the poor little demon.  A terrible battle began!   "Digo! What have you done?"  More than you know, sir. More than you know. But wait a minute, what's this?  A cry of alarm rose up in Ironforge!  Ragnaros! In Ironforge? It can't be!   Yes, it was an exciting night in old Ironforge. Apparently, the Gods finally got around to answering what I can only guess must have been a landslide of petitions and despawned the poor demon... AT 4:00AM SERVER TIME. At least the little demon got to spend five hours in Ironforge. And in other news, Ironforge reports its first drowning fatality.  Parents, never leave your little Pron alone in shallow water, not even for a minute. You never know when disaster is lurking around the corner. Everyone, send Pronx a congratulatory tell the next time you're online for this groundbreaking, serverwide achievement! That's all for now. Stay classy, Hyjal. |
With nothing left to beat for phat purples, our anxious group of farmers decided that it was time to beat down some Horde town peeps. Tonight's target -- Undercity! Lady Sylvanas this here is an eviction notice!  After looking around a bit, we decided we wanted to throw a party in her old digs! One problem, Varimathras wasn't gonna stand for it. Problem solved.  Now it was time to party!  This is how we roll Horde scum! |
It was like the first time all over again. Beating the beefed up Ragnaros tonight made me very proud to be a part of <Casual>. I've never seen a group of people more committed to bringing their "A" game as my guildmates were tonight.  /salute |
One of the few things I miss about Everquest were the races. Nothing sends your heart pounding like a harrowing race to a mob that spawns once a week, especially with your bitter rival craning their necks beside you to edge across the finish line. Twenty-nine of us scampered into the Tained Scar and prepared for battle. Forgotten Aspects flooded in after us, armed and full of low-fat milk. Both sides edged toward the demon lord. Surely, this was going to end in drama. Sensing the impending apocalypse, we sent delegates to the table.  I promised Inle that I would suck on her toes next time Iorek was out of town, and so Forgotten Aspecta gracefully stepped down and let us strike first at the mighty demon lord, Kazzak.  I was reminded of Tim Curry for some reason. Our chairs slick with ball sweat, we chewed at our nails as his health dropped lower, and lower.... 5% 4% 3% 2% 1% [Tim Curry] DIE FAGGOTS! HAHAHAH!!!!11!11! And now, for the cause of our messy demise:  [size=18:7cf99342e1][/size:7cf99342e1]Let that be a lesson to you. Never buy domestic-made mechanical yetis. They break down when you need them most, and give rampaging demon lords complete heals. Forgotten Aspects moved in for the kill. They engaged. We watched. And chewed some more at our fingers. 5% 4% 3% 2% 1% [Tim Curry] DIE FAGGOTS! HAHAHAHAHA !!!11!!11! I'm not sure how they died, but we were elated. We sprang back into action!  And Jermz died on the pull. Marvelous. My feelings on the matter:  Forgotten Aspects up to bat. As we watched them execute a flawless victory over Tim Curry, right after we skullfucked a perfect chance, I realized how I felt. Like watching your girlfriend get fucked in the ass by your little brother. |
It appears that Casual has been EXPLOITING. Casual? 'Sploiting?  As the #1 most honorable man in the Hyjal Alliance, I feel it is my duty to put down these vicious lies. I present to you, indisputable proof that Casual does not endorse exploiting, haXing, or any other tomfoolery.  And any further denigration of Ganren will result in a swift five across the eyes, as Ganren has been working out to keep his pimpin' hand strong.  So remember, the next time your local Tauren decides to whine about hacking, exploiting, or using potions in duels:  |
 I get a lot of tells these days. Usually hate tells. People cursing me in uncreative ways. Wishing my mother cancer. Burning to death in fiery plane crashes. Why, you might ask? Because the famous goblin pirate, Short John Mithril keeps forgetting his treasure chest in the middle of the Gurubashi Arena, and just expects my friends and I to defend it! At first, I just slaughtered hapless newbies and claimed the treasure for myself, fully intent on returning it to the pirate, because let's face it, pirates kick ass. Especially goblin pirates.  The chest. This endless cycle of killing and pillaging gnawed away at my soul. I needed a higher calling in life. A higher power, something I could dedicate my life to. I needed a quest. I needed a fellowship. I created a brotherhood. The Brotherhood of the Chest.  Meet Gav, Hyjal's Nostradomus. We dedicated our lives to the defense of this Sacred Chest. I think people were inspired by our noble quest.                     Inext didn't take too kindly to Keae's advances.  Apparently, people didn't appreciate our sincere commitment to the cause. Mistaking our zealous dedication for childish behavior, they thought we were "role-playing" or something.    Our crusade even sparked some intellectual discourse in Stranglethorn Vale.  Hot damn! Ann Coulter! (photos from http://ancoulter.org)  Ann Coulter, honoring a real American hero!  Doesn't she look happy being next to the colored man?  Meet Pharsyde, the prophet.  Part of being in the Brotherhood of the Chest is recognizing that our devotion transcends race, creed, and religion. Some people couldn't understand why we would stand side-by-side with an orc!   From the strike while the irony's hot department:   Play nice, kids. I decided that if these people were ever going to get the chest, they needed some spiritual enlightenment.  Midnightrose didn't appreciate me mocking the "be-attitudes."   Frankly, I'm appalled that anyone would suggest such a thing. However, some people realize that we're doing the community a service.  That's right. I build bridges! And you all better remember me as a bridge builder, and not a dick suc... nevermind. Our Ragnaros kill is old news, but I like this picture better than the boring one Blokk posted.  And the afterparty:    |
So yeah. It's old news for many. But it's new for us!! We had enough of making half-hearted attempts. Tonight, Ragnaros sleeps with the fishes.  Grats all on a job well done. |
As the preeminent mischief-maker on Hyjal, I get a lot of mail. Fan, hate, love, Nigerian bank schemes; I get it all. But THIS has to be the best mail I have ever received in World of Warcraft.  Seriously.  Basically, Flagg was putting together a LBRS run so we could get two of our apps their Onyxia key. We rounded up a few randoms from Ironforge to help us. Much to my dismay, Flagg had invited a guildless rogue named Anza. This would not do. I am not going on a raid with some nameless tard that has a chance to loot MY Dal'Rend's Sacred Charge, or even a .03% chance of looting MY Felstriker. So I kicked him. He wanted to know why. Because I am a jerk. I further mocked him on the Hyjal boards when he tried to make me look like a huge jerk. (I'd link the thread, but the mods deleted it.) Honestly, sweetcheeks, I don't need your help to do that. In retrospect, I would have just ninjad either weapon and berated anyone who dared protest. So remember, kids: Being an asshole pays. Not to mention, you get funny tells in game as your notoriety grows.  Speaking of troubled times, I met an interesting chap the other day. He had a really unusual guild name. I was curious.   Casual is a family guild.  We encourage people from all walks of life to apply.   We encourage responsible gaming habits.  (This guy is a raid leader.) We encourage forward thinking, and enjoy the benefits of modern science.   We foster community involvement.  We support tradeskilling in the economy.  We take a personal role in the development of our applicants.  Oh, side note. The alliance cracks me up. I think this picture speaks for itself.  Day in and day out, I see these two guys out in the field, bravely leading the Alliance in battle.  My fellow Alliance members, you could not ask for a finer pair of brilliant tacticians. Seriously, Hannibal would gape in awe. Conditionz should have lots of time to lead you in PVP, now that he got KICKED FROM HIS GUILD for saying naughty, slanderous things about <Casual> after <Out of Order> killed Onyxia for the first time. Incidentally, they are the second guild in the Alliance to kill Onyxia. Grats. In other news, conclusive proof that Kerai is a homosexual.    And for the coup de'grace... Children, earmuffs.  With impending fears of population imbalance and the coming battlegrounds looming over us like a terrible shadow, a few of us went and made some characters on the Horde. Goth style. We stopped by Hillsbrad for lunch.   I KILLED THE FUCKING FROG. Turnip, I'm sorry. Spleh made me do it. Now, I think that general chat in Hillsbrad is usually funny. Unintentionally funny, but hey. The horde, on the other hand, has some genuinely entertaining characters.     Fear not, alliance! The horde has stupid names too!  Drksepheroth. The name strikes fear into the heart like an audit from the IRS, does it not? I couldn't believe this. What were these people thinking? I genuinely enjoy the undead. Silverpine is my favorite newbie zone in the game.    "And in my opinion, Shadowfang Keep is the best instance in the game. It's linear, straight-forward, and has the best atmosphere of any dungeon I've ever been in. In ANY game. I realize the encounters are a bit simple because of the level of the instance, but oh how I wish they made a high level version of the same instance with more complex encounters, something in the spirit of Zul'Farak. Blizzard, make more instances like SFK. On Sunday, Turnip and I decided to camp Azuregos, the friendly blue dragon. Sitting beside some nice Horde folks from Forgotten Aspects, who didn't talk much, we got bored. And when Turnip and Digo get bored...     And now, for something completely different:     Well, folks, that's all for now. Stay classy, Hyjal. |
Frankly, I'm sick and tired of the horde putting down the Alliance. Bitch, bitch, bitch. It's all they do. Zergs, Paladins, and Richard Simmons; we've heard it all before. The Alliance is all about Quality, not Quantity.    And to prove that here today, I'm going to showcase the infamous duo, alternately feared and lusted after by orcs and elves alike, Turnip & Spleh  See how mighty Spleh sits likes Rosie O'Donnel upon her mighty throne? Spleh is experienced in the ways of the world.  Spleh contributes much sagely advice to those in need.   Spleh is kind to the poor and feeble.  But above all else, Spleh is the only woman alive who can tame the savage beast, and win the wild heart of a pretty, pretty princess who loves beautiful, happy flowers... (Really, go to the Flower Shop in Stormwind and send Turnip flowers in the mail.) Behold! Turnip, whose legendary diplomatic skill knows no boundaries!  Turnip, peerless priest!    Turnip, full of grace and wonder!  Turnip, of indefatigable moral character!  Okay, so to be honest, we just keep our hands away from her mouth, lock up household pets, and hope for the best.  No, Thumbeleena, it's not curable.      (Last we heard, Tomoyo and Irisd play Ragnarok Online. Make your own joke.)  So, as you can see, we have some outstanding individuals in the Alliance. I hope you enjoyed this getting-to-know you update. Stay classy, Hjyal. Oh, who am I kidding. What would a Digo update be without a little sociopathic fun? Love me or hate me, but don't ignore me.  The day is mine.  Who says power corrupts?  Casual is serious business.  |
So, we decided we'd start the day off with a kill of Onyxia and head on into MC and slay some big bad Ragnaros type guy.... Well shit happens, and it seems that prior to our raid time Kazzak and Azerugos were up. Since we've never even seen Kazzak much less killed him and only seen Azerugos one lousy time. It was decided that we needed to get some first time kills. The mobs cooperated very nicely.   Alas, we ended up running a little later than we planned so we decided to bump off Onxyia and save the Raggy one for tomorrow. But it was well worth it to get in two first time kills in an evening. Now, as you may have seen, we are still recruiting some top notch players. We're looking for some of the best healers the server has to offer. We are very active in both PvP, and PvE. I can only think of one way to entice you slackers! Here is what two days of raiding brings forth into our greedy little hands!                                   Ask and ye shall receive!  |
A few days ago, I got a call from Blokk. Immediately, I knew I was in trouble, as is often the case when authority figures speak to me. I wondered what I could have done this time? Was it my baby-eating habits?  My off-color remarks in guild chat?  Well it turns out:   But man, that never gets old. Seems I'm giving Casual a bad reputation. But I was doubtful, like Tom Cruise's heterosexuality.  Let's be honest, Tom. Sucking face with Katie Holmes won't fool anyone. Even Miss Holmes knows it's a publicity stunt. She was complaining to me just the other day about how annoying it is pretending to date you, and how you steal her eyeliner. Anyway, I felt like I had to do something to redeem myself and restore Casual's good name. I headed to the Gurubashi Arena in Stranglethorn Vale.  Seems a bunch of people were here to claim the pirate treasure. I thought this was terrible. Brave adventurers who planned on just helping themselves to this poor pirate's hard-earned treasure! They'd done nothing to earn it! I decided that to curb the frightening growth of ninja-looting and childish whining among the WoW playerbase, I should begin my community service right here in the Gurubashi Arena.  I got right to work, just like Slobodan Milosevic.  I sat back and enjoyed the spoils of outrageous fortune.  It felt good. I'd helped stem the tide of greedy, loot-whores-in-training. But it seems some people didn't share my optimism.  I guess there's just no pleasing some people. In other news, Casual talks about pr0n! Not our Pron, but the pr0n!        Sneaking in a random picture of Stewie, just because he's so deliciously evil.   I'd also like to make special mention of a very important, and often absentee member of Casual. Watson. You see, Watson bravely serves our country as a combat communications specialist. But the Air Force shipped him off to Korea to fight the rang rangs. Watson still drops in from time to time, and I'd like to share with you now what goes on in the mind of a U.S. Airforce, real American hero.   Till next time, stay classy, Hyjal. |
 Blazing trails as always, Team Rogue took an exploratory stab at the brand new battleground, Alterac Valley. Before I get into the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I should start at the beginning. First, we needed to create a guild. I got right on that.  I must say, being an officer is fun. Maybe someday, Blokk will let me be an officer and I can bring mirth, excitement, and pederasty to Casual.  Complications ensued. We couldn't get into the same instance. It seemed queues were determined to stop the Giddy Schoolgirls.  The schoolgirls had some time to kill.   Next order of business: recruiting.  Eventually, we all ended up in the same instance. The time it took infuriated me. And when Digo gets angry, people cry.  The Schoolgirls talked me down off the salty seminal ledge, and we got back to business. Next order of business: summoning Ivus the Forest Lord.  I gotta hand it to the developers, Alterac Valley is fucking sweet. All manner of quests abound to help sway Lady Fortuna to your side. Collecting crystals from the bodies of your slaughtered enemies, you turn them in to a circle of druids who summon a Demigod to help you fight. Horde, the next time someone asks you if you are a god, you say YES. Or else this guy goes Gozer the Gozerian on your ass and wrecks shit.  The pic sucks, but tough shit. I was drinking and forgot to get a better one. Then again, all my pictures suck. I'm a writer, not a photographer. But, as they say, complications ensued.  Yes, you read that right. Land mines. All the old EQ rogues will remember the happy fun times of Ssraeshza temple, opening and closing doors, disarming traps over and over... Add another line to our job description: Land Mine Bitch.  Back in my EQ days, a few npcs held a special place in my heart. I would return over and over, go far out of my way, just to kill these filthy assholes. General Vagwhatever in Overthere, Sgt. Slate, Mooto, the list goes on and on. In Alterac Valley, each side has a sadistic npc called Mine Layer, or something equally creative, whose sole purpose is to create legless gnomes and elves, and run up your repair bills.  Which leads me to my biggest complaint about Battlegrounds: Blizzard, remove 10% durability loss from Battlegrounds. We have jobs, lives, guilds, and gerbils that need attention. We don't have time for endless farming to pay for all this shit. Small repairs are fine. 10% durability hits when you die every five minutes are not. Anyway, we laid siege to Frostwolf Keep with laughable failure. Seraphin had some insightful commentary on the Alliance raid force:   There is no way you'll take down that keep without some serious coordination. And God help you should you try to take it from an organized guild. Anyway, and now for some random pics and commentary, because I'm too tired to think of a good motif. I guess I'll just dedicate these to the overarching theme of what we like to call The R-Factor.  Uh, yeeeeeaaah.... out of combat rezzer is a coveted position.  Hey, I laughed. Lately, people in <Defiance> have been asking us for strats. It's flattering, like having a special ed kid ask if you're his friend.   Next, Pron quotes. Pron always makes me laugh.   What would a MC raid be without a wipe to a single fire lord?  Oh, speaking of dumb... Some guy asked about starting MC pickup raids. In rare Digo form, I offered him good advice and suggested he go on another guild's MC raid before he tried to make his own. So he'd had some idea about the difference between his elbow and asshole. The Thread. The letter.  The hilarity.  Anyway. Oh yeah, thanks to Spleh for some of these great screenshots.    Bunches more, but those will have to do for now. Stay tuned for another very special Digo update tomorrow. |
We are currently recruiting High playtime , Highly skilled Priests, Druids, Paladins and Rogues. If you think you have what it takes, post an application here : Application Forum |
Because the rest of my guild believes in ridiculous things like: "socially acceptable behavior" and "modesty," I'm opening this contest to the rest of Hyjal. Recently, Blizzard slipped in a fix so that you can redesign your guild tabard. Our current tabard is not very exciting. So I want you all to come up with the some great designs. This is my preferred tabard of the week:  Come my fellow adventurers, and make some tabards! I want to see the <s>worst</s> BEST designs possible. I'll make it simple for the intraweb retards out there. Use this link to make the design: TABARD MAKER 3000 Hit PRINT SCREEN. Then open MS PAINT or IFRANVIEW or ACDSEE or another image viewing program and hit CTRL + V to paste it. Crop the tabard, then: Host files here: IMAGE SHACK And post here: HYJAL TALK! Blokk will probably kick me out of the guild for this, but I think it's well worth the humor value. He'll let me back in if I tithe a few hundred gold or something. So donations would be appreciated. |
microphone check, one check... queue the bass... OW! They Told Him Don't You Ever Come Around Here Don't Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear  The Fire's In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear So Beat It, Just Beat It  You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can Don't Wanna See No Blood, Don't Be A Macho Man  You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad  Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right  Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It  They're Out To Get You, Better Leave While You Can Don't Wanna Be A Boy, You Wanna Be A Man  You Wanna Stay Alive, Better Do What You Can So Beat It, Just Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right  Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It Just Beat It, Beat It  You Have To Show Them That You're Really Not Scared You're Playin' With Your Life, This Ain't No Truth Or Dare  They'll Kick You, Then They Beat You, Then They'll Tell You It's Fair So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad  Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It No One Wants To Be Defeated Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right Just Beat It, Beat It Beat It, Beat It, Beat It  Thanks everyone, it's good to be here. Thank you. I just broke up with my girlfiend. Yes, it's true. Very sad. I'm glad you're all sympathetic. So I'm back in the dating game.  I had no idea it would be like this. No idea at all. These women just want to jump into bed right away!  Man, it's even worse when you run into their ex-boyfriend. All you can do at a time like that, is quote Cool Hand Luke. Some men you just can't reach.  So you get what we had here last week. Which is the way he wants. Well, he gets.  I don't like it any more than you men.  Except Diva. She is a jerk. Anyway, ladies, I am single again and moving. Moving to THE O.C., where the beer flows like wine, and the women flock like the salmon of capistrano. I just want someone to love me. Someone that won't treat me like Jermz does.  And please don't be a hate-mongering stalker.  Seriously. Was it something I said? Anyway, I'm pretty picky about who I date. I have standards. No more being someone's bitch.  But there are many good things about dating Digo. For one, I love children.  Nothing makes me happier than playing pirates with a confused, lost, little boy. Stranded all alone on a deserted island. Yep. Nothing better. But don't worry, ladies! I don't have children. At least, not anymore. So you won't have to deal with my baggage from previous relationships.  I suppose this deserves some explanation. You see, during Orphan's Week, I adopted a little boy. Randis.  I touched him in all kinds of special places. I mean, I took him to special places.  That's just the smell of manly dwarf love in the air. Salty, isn't it, little Randis? But Randis wanted to see more sights.  That's right you won't run off. That's because I have a roll of duct tape and a rag of chloroform stashed in my bag, you little shit. Because I know what you kids are capable of.  Yes, Randis. Isn't my timber mighty?  Don't be silly, Randis. After what I've done to you, just come out of the closet now and save yourself a lifetime of grief and humiliation. Just let it all out. Fortunately, some people appreciate the love possible between a grown man and a little boy.  Glad to be of service, Stormwind. And no, I didn't pay the ransom. Molten Core repairs are expensive, you know. In other news, Earp has a report on Southern California cuisine.  Thanks, Earp. I will be sure to partake of such greasy goodness with all the Mexicans I meet in THE O.C. Now, you may have heard some rumors that half of Hyjal is certifiably retarded. Well, I'm pleased to inform you, we aren't alone.  The other day, we were discussing the Washington D.C. Sniper Case. Remember the two black guys riding around in a van, ganking people at gas stations? Shooting poor guys like this:  Pron postulates on how they caught the snipers. It took lots of detective work and careful scrutiny.  We've been getting quite a few applicants lately. Unfortunately, many of them are for classes which are currently filled.  Witty and Intelligent? You must be mistaken, good sir. May I suggest trying one of the Aliiance's many other fine guilds? They are looking for leadership, it appears.  It seems I've made some friends in the Horde. Icarium often comes to visit me. I can tell because this shows up in my combat window.  Unmistakeable proof that Icarium is around. He calls it a "Love Sap." I can't think of anything clever to call it, so I made a picture.  And what would a Digo update be without YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS.  And now, your moment of zen.  Well, at least they're good at making something! Tee-hee.  |
________________________________________________________________________________________________________ NOTICE --- We are recruiting a select number of skilled priests. If you think you have what it takes, msg Jujak or Turnip in game. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ So it's just another day at the office for us over here at <Casual>. Patch day, servers down time to pour over the various fodder in my screenshot directory. Today's theme is Molten Core. Tip #1 -- Don't burn bridges fuckers. A new guild has emerged on the Alliance side, and while we encourage attempting new content, don't talk shit about us, then ask us for strategy help! No less than 4 of their guildmembers last night, were msg'ing myself among other people in <Casual> for tips on Lucifron. Now I have no problems helping out people, but don't talk shit behind my back then be my buddy to my face.    For you fucks, I'd suggest visiting <Conquest>'s website for future help. Bitches. Tip #2 -- Know your objective  Tip #3 -- Bring the right mix of classes  Tip #4 -- Join a good guild    Tip #5 -- Train your tanks correctly  Tip #6 -- Be prepared for anything  Tip #7 -- You must work together as one  Tip #8 -- Get a quick BJ before the raid starts always helps.  Tip #9 -- NEVER, NEVER, EVER ask Digo for strat advice.  Now moving right along.... This week in PvP! Our friends at <Forgotten Aspects> attemped to bring havoc upon our fine city of Darnassus. We decided we would welcome them with open arms, and blades. It's nice to defend once in a while. Thanks!  Listening to the Horde, they are jealous of the Alliance for many reasons. Fear ward, zerg nation, etc. But truth be told, they are REALLY jealous because we get all the gangsta celebs.  Now, being a celebrity does not come without a price. Digo found out the hard way.  But there are rewards a plenty for those who put in the effort in PvP!  In <Casual>, we like to call FoH's mage team "Team Jihad" Although it seems the rest of the alliance has another name for them.  Although we've been perfecting "Team CasualMage(tm)" ourselves. FoH has been very accomadating in our testing.  Now, for all you "hardcore extreme" gimps who play on PvP servers and call me a care bear. I can do one thing, you will NEVER do.  Next up, FoH corpse shot of the week! This week, Rodion volunteered! From all of us here at <Casual>, thanks!  I am a firm believer, these motivational screenshots are helping bring the Alliance closer. Need proof?  And last but, certainly not least... Our Dassaism(tm) of the week.  |
So it seems there have been some complaints about server imbalance. More specifically, that the Alliance outnumbers the Horde 2.5:1. Well, these days that seems to be the favored rally cry of the horde. To get to the heart of the matter, I decided to interview someone who really knows war.  As you can see from this candid photo, Mr. Rumsfeld was appalled that the horde would blame something silly like population imbalance. Surely there were other factors contributing to the lopsided conflict? DIGO Mr. Rumsfeld, tell us a little bit about yourself. MR. RUMSFELD Well, I'm the US Secretary of Defense, and I play World of Warcraft on the Hyjal server. DIGO How fascinating. Which side? Are you in a guild? MR. RUMSFELD I suppose it won't hurt, but... I'm in a horde guild. You may have heard of them. Fires of Heaven? DIGO You don't say! Come on, tell us all who you really are! MR. RUMSFELD Well.... okay. I play an orc rogue named Murr. Wow! The US Secretary of Defense -- arguably one of the most powerful men in the world -- plays right here on our very own server! I asked for his thoughts on PVP imbalance...  Notice all the attacks on Tarren Mill? For shame, you buffalo-defiling Alliance members! I even heard some Alliance members complaining about how they thought the game was imbalanced!  Hmmm. An interesting counterpoint. One guild even formed as some kind of social statement.  I did some research to see how the Horde was dealing with these awful, unfair imbalances. Turns out, Fires of Heaven has concocted some clever tactics for dealing with the herds of Alliance that descend upon Tarren Mill. Witnesses claim that a pack of vicious trolls and undead suddenly appear in their midst, blinking in and out of existence, blasting away with arcane energies till every last infidel Alliance member is no more than a smoldering corpse. They are a fearsome bunch.  Behold, Fires of Heaven's TEAM JIHAD! Now, I know what many of you are thinking. "Digo, it's not fair! We can't stop that AE rush! Hobb charges us and there's nothing we can do!" In response to these sentiments, I'd like to offer this public service announcement:  In other news, it appears that I lead raids now against the vile Horde!  I couldn't multi-task under this kind of pressure. Something had to be done. I borrowed from Blizzard's famous Customer Service model. Automated responses!  Efficiency is a key element of any successful business. Speaking of business, Turnip came up with a great idea for a new business opportunity! Now, I'll admit, back in my younger days I fell for a few multi-level marketing plans and get-rich-quick schemes, but this seemed foolproof!  If there's one thing I've learned in business, when life hands you lemons, throw a lemon party. Dot org.  Turnip wanted me to head out right away, to drive across the country like Jack Kerouac, on the road and hungry for a man. Mankind, that is... and all their craziness...  Halfway to Denver, I got cold feet. I wasn't sure I wanted everyone to know.  It occurred to Xale that Devoit actually lives right next door to Spleh and Turnip! He made a fine suggestion.  I'm not going to tell you what happened, but I will share this.  In the end, the need for your amusement outweighs my dignity. Speaking of dignity, Dassa has made quite a name for himself on Hyjal. Just to clear things up, he is not actually a member of Casual. Not yet, anyway! A few days ago, I was leading a small raid to Stratholme. None of our guild warriors were on, and we needed a tank. Now, I think Dassa has received an unfair rap from the server. He's a funny guy, and really persistent. I wanted to give him a shot, a chance to prove to Casual what he's made of.  Self sacrifice at its finest! Unfortunately, many of my guildmates are rather prejudiced in their treatment of Dassa.  This angered me. I knew he had the right stuff. Now, Dassa also acquired a reputation as something of a ninja looter. How, I don't know, but I wanted to give him a chance to prove his character.  Overall, I was very pleased with his performance, and we managed to suit him up with some very nice warrior gear. Unfortunately, Casual has grown too big for any more applicants in some classes. Warrior being one of them. It makes me sad to see a good candidate turned away. Dassa was pretty upset too.  But I told him to keep his chin up. He'd been through rough times before, and this wasn't going to stop him. Dassa even wrote some rhymes about it.  Word is bond, brotha. So if any good guilds out there are looking for a solid warrior, give Dassa a shout. Homeslice is solid. I vouch for him. In other news, our application process now involves an interview.   Don't interview well? Not to fear. There are other ummm... ways of getting into Casual.  Yes, that is Blokk with the staff. Our noble leader. But once you're a member of Casual, we offer a generous benefits package. Today, we helped Ashk with some family counseling. Apparently, Ashk's sister's boyfriend (got that?) is a bit of an oddball. He runs with a strange crowd, and Ashk was concerned for her sister's well-being. She asked me to intervene. I quickly found her sister's boyfriend in Hillsbrad.  It looked like things would be A-OKAY with Ashk's baby sister.  I was just protecting Ashk's little sister. Honest. I would never purposely interfere with an official guild event. Just ask the Warmungers. Speaking of which.  Some things are just too good to resist. Casual also offers customer service for players new to the mmorpg genre.  We support our members overseas, boldly serving our country.  We encourage multi-cultural events. Such as this.  We encourage open communication between members.  In Casual, we believe in helping up-and-coming guilds like Caelestis progress through the game. After all, they will soon be our allies against the Fearsome Horde!   Come on now! You didn't think I'd give away ALL the secrets to mastering the Onyxia encounter, did you? (I do recommend the center of her lair, as it's far away from those dangerous clutches of whelp eggs!) At Casual, we know how to cheer people up after a long and grueling raid.  Thanks, Trilly! In addition to our family counseling services, we offer anger management therapy.  That's it, Spleh. Let it out. We believe in the value of modesty. And not denegrating our neighbors. For example, tonight we managed to wipe to a single firelord. Take a look at our overwhelming display of maturity!   Winning friends everywhere we go! We also offer sex education and counseling for our younger members.  I know it's intimidating now, Ulfius, but someday vagina won't seem so dark and scary. We promote good vaginal health.  Whew, I'm sorry about that. I got carried way with all that adult conversation. Not very mature of me with all our younger readers out there, is it? Speaking of maturity, I couldn't resist posting this screenshot.  Yep, that helm rotted tonight in MC. Poor hunters out there. :( Stay classy, Hyjal. |
Casual gets a server first! It seems Majordomo and Onxyia are down wit' <Casual>. They decided that after the big bad FoH gangstas took our Azerugos, that we deserved to get the first hunter epic on the server. Grats Lektar!   Now on to the Honor system! With the introduction of the new honor system, the massive cries of "zerging" from the Horde came right on cue. Now I'll be the first to admit, there are times that the Alliance outnumbers the Horde, but folks it's a 2 way street! And besides, we've already shown you the typical Alliance player's mentality numerous times here. First night Alliance attack on Ogrimmar = turn based combat  Ringing the bell at Hammerfall  Now for a typical Horde v. Alliance encounter(to be fair, there is about 5 Alliance not in the picture) gg Horde  One thing we've learned about the Horde in the past few days, they are very proficient at corpse camping. Pictured here, Hevi has found that totems are best placed INSIDE the graveyard  Some things to make you go hmmmm from Hillsbrad!    We here at <Casual> in order to form a more perfect Alliance, have decided that to boost morale we shall from this time forth present you with an <Fires of Heaven> member corpse every update. For the Alliance!  I was told that I was not allowed to do an update, unless it includes the <Warmungers>! They make it too easy.  Enough of that. Let's talk about the PvE wonder that WoW is! The key to <Casual>'s success thus far, is the coordination and the furbolg. As you can see in Molten Core, the furbolg pwnz all when led by a Gnome slave driver cracking the whip.  Our core of hunters needs to get out more  Only those who have swam out to fucking Duke Hydraxis numerous times really knows Frenesh's pain  Earp has found that special someone  Our ranks are filled with the best and the brightest   Some things you should just never admit...  Attention Applicants! Use *huggles* at your own risk when talking to Turnip!  Sometimes in a Gnome's life, there comes that special moment. The moment when you get two gems for the front page in the same screenshot! Thank you Xale and Kino for making it happen for this Gnome.  Emotional has a no haggle policy!  Spleh's Tip of the Week  Capitalism at it's finest..  The definition of "l337" to the *huggles* crowd.  Dear Mom, I've made it to the big time. I have players and NPC's alike stalking me.   And what would an update be without mention of Dassa!  And last but not least. There is hope on the horizon that the B.net kiddies will leave this world of ours. I have a dream, that one day I can read the official forums and not have my head explode! Pass the word!  |
Great, so we spawned Ragnaros. The encounter was something like this. That's completely amazing and everything, but as the Official Hyjal Reporter, I feel the events leading up to Ragnaros deserve a bit more coverage. A while back, we'd been having some problems with Mr. Sulfuron.  His majesty, Lord Emperor Palpatine Sulfuron. Sulfuron has four priests with foul tempers. We couldn't understand why he kept kicking our asses. So I asked. Turns out, all his priests are male.  No! It can't be. Our women guildmates couldn't be responsible for these disastrous attempts. Could they?    We discussed strategy.      We discussed placement.  I swear I have no idea who keeps pinging the map like a hyperactive nine year old. No idea at all.  We needed some "incentive" to beat Sulfuron.  So we asked someone else.   Even more problems.  Insert your own joke here. So yeah anyway we won.  We made a quick stop at Golemagg, the next boss. Which was something like this:  This night was going pretty well, all things considered. We pondered our good fortune.  On to Majordomo Exectus!  We need sheep. Lots of sheep.   Just kidding, Frenesh. So we died a lot and people were screaming and it was bad and horrible and omigod stop hitting sheep what do we doooooooo??? During the fight, I realized what we'd been forgetting. Love. All we need is love.  We vanquished MajorDomo's minions. He then led us down to Ragnaros' lair, which is quite nice. A bit minimalistic and a dry heat, but nice. People were pretty excited at all we'd overcome. Just two months prior, we'd merged from three separate guilds into an elite fighting force. Not unlike my childhood hero: VOLTRON  Without warning, we were in trouble.  Summoning Ragnaros: one part naked gnome, one part pantless paladin, one part afk rogue. We panicked.  But, being the super Voltron guild we are, we quickly got things under control and started fighting back.  We couldn't even reach his balls. How were we supposed to win?  Admit it, you wish you thought of it first. The end was nigh. Before it all faded to black, I had to come clean.  Spirits were high. We just spawned Ragnaros...  And the Honor System was days away... But first, adventures with Azuregos!  The great blue dragon of Azshara had eluded us for some time. The horde had pretty much kept a monopoly on this guy. Finally, a motley crew of Alliance took a shot at him.  They died quite a bit, and a combined force of Fires of Heaven, Avarice, and a couple others took him down.  This upset the Alliance, and fighting broke out after the dragon died.  That's me in the middle, in my usual fighting stance. A few days later, one of our spies reported that Azuregos had spawned! I got Blokk, our raid leader, on the Batphone. Turns out he was at Ice Cube's barbershop with the homies, getting a trim.  Doesn't he look excited? Now, to be fair, we didn't know much about this encounter. We knew he had some ice thingy. We knew he summoned. Fires of Heaven showed up and stood by in case we failed. The pressure was on. Our arch-nemesis was watching. We wouldn't get another shot. Word quickly spread across the server.  Things did not go so well. We got Azuregos to about 45% before the last of our comrades fell in battle. We did know one other thing about Azuregos. To combat graveyard zerging (I'll let Mystere and the <Playboys> cover that in more detail) the developers added a nice little debuff that freezes you in a block of ice if you attempt to re-engage Azuregos after dying. We died, yet Fires of Heaven didn't seem to be moving. Were they really giving us a second chance? These guys really aren't so bad after all! Well, turns out they weren't the humanitarians I thought. We sort of got in the way of their pull and this is what happened:  AE summon + Mark of Azuregos = Party Anyway, moving on to THE NEW HONOR SYSTEM AND PVP!     There's a new event at the Gurubashi Arena in everyone's favorite bitchfest jungle, the Stranglethorn Vale! Every three hours, a chest spawns in the middle of the blood-soaked arena floor. Players must fight to obtain the glittering prizes inside. Casual was there in force, and we laid claim to the FIRST ARENA CHEST EVER, slaughtering all that stood in our way, horde and alliance alike. Beat that, Fires of Heaven. Shikara felt pretty bold after our accomplishment.  Ya hear that, FoH? This loot is OURS!  You can keep your stupid ice dragon. Hillsbrad was the usual carnival of brilliant tacticians and cunning saboteurs, so we looked for somewhere a little slower-paced. A place where the women flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Where the beer flows like wine. The Crossroads. Oh yeah. I announced our arrival.  "Honey, do you think KFC is still open?" Forgotten Aspects and Fires of Heaven showed up to greet us. I spent most of the battle like so.  Thanks Blizzard for buffing hunter TRACK STEALTH. But in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't so bad, as I heard some of our enemies were none too happy about a certain team of rogues and their "bullshit gay faggot ass homosexual stuns." Tee-hee. In other news, Murr started a thread on the FoH boards dedicated to screenshots of a certain night elf rogue taking a dirtnap. Well, Mr. Murr, you should know that Casual's TEAM ROGUE sticks together. Like these guys. Don't fuck with the Jesus, Mr. Murr.  In other news, Dassa is doing well.  Trilly is tired of all the sexual harassment.  Stealth does in fact still seem to be working.  The NPCs in Winterspring are growing more bold in their advances.  And now, without further ado: THE HYJAL ALLIANCE  Stay classy, Azeroth. |
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 So yes. Our "40 man zerg team with no life" completed two new Guild first's tonight: Sulfuron Harbinger and Golemagg the Incinerator. Such a solid Molten Core run. We had quite a few drops over the past few days. Quite a few. So many that I seem to have misplaced the screenshots for them. So sorry. So, for now, grats to: Grigger - Cenarion Helm | Shikara - Felheart Skullcap | Kerai - Waistband of Wrath | Macros - Azuresong Mageblade | Devoit - Handguards of Transcendence | Sylaura - Cenarion Spaulders | Binks - Lawbringer Boots | Sylaura - Cenarion Bracers | Valkie - Nightslayer Bracelets | Trilly - Bloodfang Hood | Lektar - Giantstalker's Breatplate and Tome of Tranquillity Shot | Kerai - Onyxia Hide Backpack | Kaynen - Head of Onyxia | Blokk - Crimson Shocker and Arcanist Gloves | Turnip - Gloves of Prophecy | Moonflash - Drillborer Disk | Jermz - Breastplate of Might and Bracers of Might | Von - Netherwind Mantle | Locs - Dragonstalker's Belt | Pronx - Giantstalker's Belt | Trilly - Nightslayer Belt | Kais - Nightslayer Belt Massive haul there, good times. Stuff dreams are made of eh? Next up Majordomo Executus! Soon. Hopefully. |
Word on the street is, Casual isn't in touch with the rest of Hyjal. We're elitists, hiding out in our ivory tower of eliteness. If we hope to be the leaders of the Alliance against the savage Horde, then we better hit the streets and get to know our fellow champions of the light. This is the Alliance.  How's that for pride? Now, I'm all for simplicity. I like names that really say what you're about.  Thanks for clearing that up, Bowshooter. Some people like to specialize.   Strong with this one the force is.  Mungers, to your battlestations!  Fortunately, this guy was nearby!  I'm certainly glad we have these guys on our side:   Yes, Georgeurt, they certainly are. I'm willing to bet this guy is from the South.  Some names deserved a little more explanation.  Turns out, this guy had some interesting views on game balance.  I hear Blizzard is hiring some more designers. Might wanna look into that, friend. And for the record, Kabal was in MK3. AnimeFagnarok Online called; they want their playerbase back.  Oh god, someone fed them after midnight. They're breeding.  I hear they random epic loot, too. A real model of success. Horde invading Southshore again? Never fear! Rohan to the rescue!  It turns out life in this post-9/11 economy is pretty rough.   Have you no dignity, sir? Not everyone had such a bleak outlook.  At least the information service industry is still going strong.  Good news! The glass ceiling is about to shatter.  Sigfried and Roy ain't got nothin' on this hepcat.  So you see, we have a pretty interesting mix of folks on Hyjal. In other news, Casual continues to progress in Molten Core. Sometimes, we run into obstacles. Communication breaks down.  We get distracted easily, which doesn't help either. The conversation turned to baseball, I think.  Garr's little friends go jihad on Casual. Bodies everywhere. Oh, the horror. Fortunately, I was off to the side afk or cybering one of my whores. I can't remember which.  Now, some of you may have heard that the end-game in WoW sucks. Or just doesn't exist. That's not true. It most certainly exists. It just has a certain kind of... charm.  We moved onto Shazzrah. Now, for those of you who do not know, Shazzrah has a wicked AE. It rapes melee. Badly. So it's pretty much a ranged fight.  And what would a Casual raid be without some more priceless commentary from everyone's favorite mole? That's right, it's Time with Turnip!     And now, everyone's favorite sociopath: Dassa!  It's a fairly well-known fact that I've been working on a movie. No, really. We have production meetings and everything. The feedback on our latest script review was somewhat less than reassuring.  Shit. Stay tuned. And now, your moment of zen. My little brother goes to college. He's pretty productive, I'd say.  |
Minister already covered this, but I don't think he gave it the attention it deserves. We beat Baron Geddon. Finally. You see, this was an important victory. What should have been an easy win proved more nauseating than Nuke at open mic poetry night.  Everyday distractions were wreaking havoc on our concentration.  Even Jermz, who is normally a paragon of virtue, grew irritable with our repeated failures.  Exactly, Aryes! Stinkfinger isn't easy to master. Anyway, things looked grim. Morale was slipping. I asked myself, what would a Disney movie do? Why, they'd sing a song, of course! Don't know much about history Don't know much biology Don't know much about a science book Don't know much about the french I took But I do know that I love you And I know that if you loved me too What a wonderful world this would beeeeeeeee  That and a little cunnilingus never hurt. Love does wonderful things for a man. Clears the head. Sharpens the mind. Behold, the key to our victory over the fearsome Baron Geddon. timeless strat, click here! In other news, recruitment is at an all-time high. Seems people can't get enough Casual! Dassa had returned.  He got better! I implored my guildmates to give him a second chance. Seems I lost the screenshot, but you can imagine they were pretty enthusiastic! Dassa had to log for varsity football practice, but soon returned. This time, on an alt.  I was pretty excited about this guy, even if the rest of Casual wasn't. Whatever. This made me upset. How could they be so narrow-minded? I started looking around for other guilds that might be a better fit for me.  Hmm. This might be harder than I thought. I took a stroll around Ironforge and checked out some other guilds.  And my favorite, in the Jean Claude Van Damme guild category:  And now, Colleen has an important news announcement:  Blokk opens up a counseling booth in Ironforge.  He'll be here all week, folks. And now, your moment of zen. My little brother, the future of American Journalism.  |
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We live in a world of cold steel, mighty foes, and foul dungeons. And in this world of high adventure, some of the denizens don't appreciate gonzo journalism. Last week, I noticed a guild named Warmungers.  This seemed like a good story. War-mung-ers. Mung? I consulted Wikipedia for an explanation. Mung as Slang Additionally, mung refers to a sexual act that has gained popularity in Internet newsforums. The act of mung is described as taking place between two individuals and a corpse. The act requires some putrification of the inner organs as one participant is said to push down on the chest, forcing liquids out of the anus, vagina, or penis and into the other participants mouth. This is generally followed by penetrative intercourse by both participants heightening the necrophilia. This original translation has spawned cast-offs implying that anything that is supremely disgusting can be said to be 'Mung.' Well then. Apparently, the Warmungers didn't find it very amusing when I gave them a good ribbing on the Hyjal forums.  Dassa? He couldn't mean THE Dassa, could he? Anyway, Pyriel wasn't happy. Things got political.  Some fast talking and a few drinks later, it looked like I'd smoothed things over. Pyriel wanted an alliance between Warmungers and Casual!  I was relieved. As a token of his goodwill, Pyriel invited me to join our newfound allies for some sport at the Stranglethorn Vale Arena.  I arrived at the arena. It looked like the whole Warmunger tribe was here. Something about the gathering reminded me of my grade school days.  I introduced myself to our new friend.  As a journalist, you should talk to everyone. You know, to get a more complete understanding of the culture.  I must have committed some grievous faux-paus. It looked like our promising alliance wouldn't last long, thanks to my blundering.  Fortunately, it looks like some people still like Casual.  In other news, Pronx the level 60 hunter paid a visit to the stockades for... farming. His bride-to-be had some ill news.  Let's not forget our weekly trip to visit Onyxia! Morale waned after a few ill-fated early attempts. Fortunately, our warriors came up with some inspiring battle cries.   We determined that the problem was insufficient DPS. Our rogues needed some motivation.  It came down to the wire. Surrounded by the charred corpses of my comrades, I stared down the beast.  Looks like Turnip may be the new morale officer. It was too close to give up. We killed Onyxia once, and we were going to do it again. Once more into the breach.  Xale's need for sugary-fried goodness prevailed. We killed Onyxia. Again. And now, your moment of zen:  |
Vicarious living through martyrdom seems to be in these days. Lots of terrible things going on in the world, you know. Violent crime is on the rise...  Premarital sex is out of control...  The Pope is near death...  Bestiality is commonplace...  Terrorism has penetrated the Molten Core...  And Shikara is none too pleased about it.  In other news, I'm pretty worried about the upcoming battlegrounds. The horde is going to annihilate us. With friends like these, who needs enemies?  Even our own officers fall prey to corruption!  These attitudes are eating away at the moral fiber of our guild. Just the other day, my... uh... sources sent me the following piece of intelligence.  We've also taken to referring to Reiss as Dr. Kinsey. The authority on penis.  Brilliant name of the day:  And now, your moment of zen: running train on Furbolgs.  I stocked up on booze today: 1 - case of Red Hook Ale 1 - case of Two Buck Chuck chardonnay (for $2, this shit ain't bad) 1 - liter of Grey Goose 1 - liter of soda 4 - cases of Diet Pepsi 1 - flask of Metaxa (greek brandy) 1 - flask of Yingalsskiavziaoei (some chinese-style rye I can't pronounce) 1 - flask of peppermint shnapps Tonight's Molten Core run should be fun. More screenshots to come. |
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  Trilly's Recommended Rogue Strat for Shazzrah   |
In my last update, I announced my Master Plan to unify the alliance and redeem my soul in a sort of two-for-one package deal. This seemed like a great idea, because let's face it: I am a smart but lazy bastard. Most of my higher thought processes in a given day are dedicated to messageboard posts and finding hidden inefficiencies that allow me to grow rich without working. Anyway, it was time for action. I ran the idea by my guildmates and asked for support.  Now that I had their overwhelming support, it was time to publicize my charity work. Because really, what's the point in doing good deeds if everyone doesn't know how good you are?  The raid filled up, and I had a team of adventurers ready to slay the dragon. They might not have been the most seasoned of veterans, but they were willing and trusted my leadership, which is all I really expect.   We were short on druids. This angered me.  So into Scholomance we headed to slay the dragon. My fine soldiers were in the best of spirits, and morale was high.  Everyone knows that the best quality a leader can have is patience. Even in the face of adversity. Things went pretty well, I'd say.  But there's always one sour apple that has to spoil the pie. People started complaining, and soon the future of the raid came into question.  Some people just have bad attitudes, I guess. |
Greetings Casual stalker! This news is brought to you by the letter gAy, the number 1. Recently we've received reports that our news updates are unprofessional, rude and childish. Some even say it "doesn't represent Casual". To address this issue, the following news update will be the most politically correct, professional and mature update we can muster up.  If any part of this news update offends you in any way, please close your browser, turn on the parental filtering software and grab the nearest bible. We are not a role playing guild. We are not a huggly family guild. We use coarse language, have a sick sense of humor, and would like to nail your sister. If this is not the kind of guild you are looking for, don't apply. ------------------------------ Insipid Name of the Day:  [Look for his alt "spatula" or "filecabinet".] Insipid Guild Name of the Day:  [Clan Des Vampires .. lead by 'Dwarfheretic'.. yah] Suggestion of the Day:  ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips (Non Casual)  [Problems with the AH?! YA THINK?!]  [Yep, it's definitely us..]  Quotes & Quips (Guild Musings)  [Preferably fast and hard..]  [Aussie Wisdom of the Day]  [Irony. Defined.]  [^^]    [The wisdom of Kerai. He likes pain and underaged girls.]  [Insert joke about 'clubs']   [Zeek will be rerolling a gnome ASAP.]  [Rumor is, Frenesh is the rape fairy.]   [Valkie pay you gold gold silver gold.] ------------------------------   |
  We seem to have found a replacement for Dassa.   Kerai also made a new friend. Just say no to mangina cyber kids. Some background info for this, Turnip received messages from this kid begging for gold. So she sends him to Kerai and tells the poor sap that Kerai is the guild slut and would love to accommodate him. Fascinating huh? When in reality, Kerai is the guild asshole.   |
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In between random periods of afking on last night's Stratholme raid to read about Lindsay Lohan's alleged Nabokov fuck-fest with old man Bruce Willis my phone rang. Who could it be at this hour? None other than Sean Hannity, the great pundit crusader against the horrors of Terrorism, Satanism, and Liberalism that threaten America. "Digo" he said, "these are dark times for America. Your foul-mouthed and impulsive behavior are helping the Terrorists." I set down my beer and leaned forward. He sounded like serious business, bad craziness even. "I once counted you among my staunchest allies, Digo." he continued on, shame and heavy weariness in his voice. "But your misdeeds threaten the stability of Azeroth." I took quick inventory of my moral felonies, all my wickedness. Certainly I was heaping ugly shame on our guild's good name in public chat channels with my belligerant antics. And it's a well-known fact that I almost ruined the merger that formed Casual in the first place by showing up to raids whacked out of my fucking mind on mescaline and beer, arbitrarily claiming epic items I couldn't use, belitting the worthless druids with ruthless fervor, not to mention running in the wrong direction and bringing back whole wings of Scholomance upon the raid. What was I thinking? "What can I do?" I asked, paranoid from the mescaline. We talked for hours and I drank more beer. Minister, who was rambling on about the horrors of gay men and giant carnivorous gila monsters would not shut up on Ventrilo. The throes of my drug-addled brain unleashed into my microphone. "Minster, I speak for everyone in this room when I say you must, stop, talking. We are utterly convinced of your closet homosexuality and I will, with the help of Spleh and Sean Hannity, pray to Jesus for the salvation of your vile black soul." This was my second outburst in as many days. Just the night before, Xale had attempted suicide, hurling himself from the ramparts of Black Rock Spire into the lava far below. Fortunately, Turnip was watching and saved his life with a well-timed shield and levitate spell. Xale couldn't even kill himself right, much less tank Onyxia. Coupled with my shameful behavior, a closet homosexual paladin, and blood-sucking gnomes that descended on us like giant bats, this guild was in dire straits, headed straight into the hands of the Terrorists. We needed a plan. We needed something to restore the glory of Casual. Something to lead the shining forces of the Alliance into the halls of Valhalla where our deeds would live forever. I prayed to Jesus and the answer appeared in a sea of what could very well have been a drug-induced episode, but for the purposes of our story, I will swear till my dying day that Jesus appeared before me, and if you must know he is Black. Starting tonight, I will lead regular pick-up raids of lower level players into lands and dungeons they would otherwise find impossible to conquer. I will serve my fellow man and get Thrash Blades for everyone! After all, I've been using a Thrash Blade since level 48, and if the cursed piece of steel is good enough for me, it's good enough for every lizard-fucking newbie on Hyjal. That's right. At 7PM, Pacific Standard Time, on Wednesday, March 16 in the year of our Lord 2005, I will begin inviting needy persons to raid and conquer the dangerous peaks of Black Rock Spire. All will be welcome. None shall I turn away. I cannot warrant my sobriety, but I assure you this: newbies everywhere will sleep well tonight, basking in the glow of newfound precious loots. So my animal friends, send me a tell, and let's not disappoint Sean Hannity or Jesus. |
The malcontent developers who itemized this game are sleep-deprived like long-haul truckers on dusty American backroads or else must have skipped the meeting on rewards commensurate with risk, because loot in this World of Warcraft is like slugging through agonizng chapters of Ethan Frome and then I've stumbled into Fight Club's visceral glory because these people are NOT ON THE SAME FUCKING PAGE. Why is loot from Dire Maul better than Upper Black Rock Spire? PS - The dynamic loot naming system could clean house next spring at the special olympics because it is SUPREMELY FUCKING RETARDED.  |
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Pardon the interruption! Minister has been temporarily relieved of news update duty. If you need to reach him send me mail and i'll print it out for him. I am sure he can read them in the closet. The ball-gag does not interfer at all.. or so he mumbled. Life in Casual has been interesting. We're braving the learning curve of Molten Core and Onyxia's Lair the few times we find the server up. Before the 24 hour server maintenance (which thankfully wasn't 24 hours) that didn't fix anything, we managed to get that Magmathingy down to 4%. Had we used Hunters that could hit the broad side of a barn instead of our own "sharpshooters" like Frenesh, Windrider, and Locs, we likely would have downed the puppy. Hearing those three scream out on ventrilo "MISSED, NEXT" was kind of cute. If you like hearing six year old girls whine on the playground i mean.  Onyxia was a whole mess of fun. Her deep inhale and resulting fire shower brought ugly flash backs to our days working in the bukakke industry. More red fire, less white 'stuff'.   Exactly! Because embracing our failures helps us become stronger people and makes the ultimate victory so much more rewarding! Hah, you buy that shit? I just include it so I can make fun of hunters. ------------------------------ Insipid Name of the Day:  Suggestion of the Day:  Game Bug of the Day:  ------------------------------ Quotes & Quips Non Casual   [yes, u r a dumass, lik we told u b4]  [If this scares you.. consider this question is asked daily in Ironforge.]  [Anyone miss this spam? Didn't think so.] Guild Musings  [You should see Digo on his wild nights.]  [Spleh Dangerfield =( ]    [Diva likes both]     [Aussie Wisdom of the Day]  ------------------------------  |
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