Raiding farm status is boring. If I showed up to raids solely for the PVE content, I wouldn’t have a liver to speak of. I’m not going to say this isn’t the case, but the compelling reason log on these days is the ventrilo and guild chat banter.

CasualChat™ covers a wide array of mature topics ranging from the paternity of Digo’s wife’s baby to affairs with married women, and all the subjects between. You know, the kinds of things that normal, over-privileged twenty-somethings talk about, such as fine food and wines:

Bag and Cherubino have a healthy relationship. As the only girl left in the guild, Cherub is an excellent source for relationship advice:

Narayan could probably use some of her advice. Here are a few brief words about Nara. Nara is Canadian. Nara is extremely high strung. Nara frequently goes AFK when a girl wanders by his dorm room. Nara likes cock. When Archimonde dropped two swords in one Hyjal clear, Nara’s voice hit a level that could only be described as shrill.

Speaking of swords we never see, Trilly finally got a warglaive. The reaction in guild when it dropped wasn’t one of excitement, or relief, no. No, people were incredulous. Casual got a legendary? Where are the horsemen? The rain of fire? The end of days? Trilly was cautiously enthusiastic:

Since PVE has been reduced to the level of an elaborate carnival game, most of us turn to PVP as a way to stave off the kind of boredom that makes one want to poke things into other things, JUST TO FEEL. At least in the 5v5 arena, there is a new kid on the block: the 2345.

For those of you not familiar with arena forum jargon, let me explain the 2345. The 5v5 composition “2345” is the cookie cutter arena team: MS warrior, holy paladin, disc priest, frost mage, elemental shaman.

But why do they call it 2345? This versatile comp got its name from the series of keys that an elemental shaman has to hit to rape someone into a little pile of goo. Elemental focus > Nature’s Swiftness > Chain Lightning > Earth Shock > Crying into your pillow. 

So, you could understand Malantis’s excitement at the prospect of getting an elemental shaman for our 5v5 team:

Many of our raiders live in California, the land of Schwarzenegger and BevMo, only the latter of which I am jealous. There is another, less fun aspect that California is also famous for, earthquakes. If you read them carefully, most earthquake safety guides omit the ever important section about bong safety.

Fortunately everyone was ok; I don’t know what we’d do without Orlox:

We’d probably recruit another warlock: “LF1M Warlock sunwell. Must be vegan and have sweet gnome beard.”

Speaking of recruiting, we’re recruiting a holy priest and shadow priest. We don’t have a lot of turnover in Casual, which is good, because “patient” isn’t a word I’d use to describe the majority of our raiders. For instance, if while learning an encounter, we took 3 nights of wipes and a stack of consumables to learn it, that means that your average applicant has about 45-50 seconds to pick it up before Reamer tells them to fuck themselves. Hey, we’ve earned the right to be hypocrites.

One thing we haven’t had to recruit is more rogues, even though we’ve lost some along the way.

We miss Valkie. We can only assume that he’s returned home to succeed Castro as the next dictator of Cuba. Even though Valkie isn’t around anymore, our rogues still look to him as a source of roguely inspiration, a beacon if you will.

Here is a brief overview of the “Valkie Gnome Guide to Supreme Roguery:”

1. Get two maces (careful not to enchant them!)

2. Don’t redress after showering. Clothes are restrictive and can actually lower your DPS. If you have to, a robe will suffice.

3. Get plenty of rest. Call raids insanely early to allow for maximum sleeping time.

4. Put peanut butter on your waffles. All the carbs, protein, and flavor you need to do lots and lots of DPS.

Digo needs to brush up on his roguery

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Aquasheepa is our resident Asian rogue. We call on Aqua whenever our website breaks, or a boss drops daggers that no one wants. While Aqua’s Asian racial gives him +10 to gaming and +5 to programming, it’s not without its drawbacks:

And Reiss is our resident Aussie. When he’s not bloomin’ an onion, or putting shrimps on barbies, he’s getting crank called by elderly people on rascals:

That’s all for now, stay classy Hyjal, and we’ll keep fighting the good fight.

Terrific.